Imprisoned Love
by Ardala91
Summary: She was one of those captured during the raids. Young and untrained. Yet how can she survive not in the prisons, but in a gilded prison of marriage to the enemy? OC story. 40 years before the show. Slightly dark, contains forced marriage. No graphic smutt.
1. Prologue

Imprisoned Love

Prologue

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"_In time we hate that which we often fear."_ –William Shakespeare

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

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The Fire Nation began the raids on my tribe seven years ago. They attacked what was once our great city, the home of every man, woman, and child of the Southern Water Tribe. I was only a child of eight years old at the time. They took my father. He was a waterbender and they stole each and every one with every raid. He was one of the first to go.

My mother was killed in the last raid two years ago, when they took the last known waterbender from our tribe, Hama. Some hope that those there were taken are still alive, but I hope they are dead. It would be better to be dead than to go through whatever hell the Fire Nation would put them through.

I would rather be dead then taken by them.

I don't remember my father much anymore, except for a tall man who would toss me in the air or hug me with strong arms. I remember my mother's change after he was gone, the slow dying within at every passing year. My mother died for no other reason than a soldier blasting fire as she ran from our home while they melted it to the ground. She had fallen with only half a face and a scream that will always echo in my ears.

_I hate them_.

The enemy. These demon soldiers who attack and kill us for no apparent reason. What had we done to them? The question that has tormented me since the raids began. Since they took my father. Since they took my mother. Is _Why? _

There is no why. The Fire Nation is evil, a hideous people who only feel hatred and the gluttony of war.

_I hate them! I hate them!_

After our city was attacked, many left to settle across the Southern Pole in the hope that they could hide away from the Fire Nation. Some, the few brave and foolish, chose to stay in what remained of our city. My mother had chosen to stay there, in the futile hope that one day her husband would return to her. In a hope that one day any of them would come back…in order to train me.

I am the last that I know of. There may be others hidden away with those who have fled across the pole. There may be others who have been born in the past seven years. I had only started with beginning stances and basic bending forms when the raids started. My bending is weak. Pathetic because I am untrained. How could I hope to defend myself if they come for me?

I will try.

I have to.

They won't take me alive if it comes to it.

I won't suffer the same fate as my father and the others.

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A/N: This is only a prologue for the story. This is a prequel to my main OC story, Some Distant Day, but this story doesn't require you to read it in order to understand this story. My main story is set during the the time of the show, but this story is about the grandmother of the main character in Some Distant Day. I have no plans on how long this story will go for my other two prequels are only a few chapters. This is a dark story dealing with war, prisoners, and all the evils that accompany war. This is most likely a story not for the light-hearted. Thanks for reading and please review.


	2. Chapter 1: Never

Imprisoned Love

Chapter One: 

Never

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"_Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength."_ –Unknown

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

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My mother had been a beautiful woman once and strong. When others would give up, she would hold on, no matter what. That is the mother that I want to remember. The strong one. Not the one who eventually gave up. Not the one who died in the snow with half a face. I only know of one person these days in the village who still talks of hope and the good things that could happen. Her name is Kanna.

After my mother died, she was the one who took me in and kept an eye on me. She is still a young woman herself, only older than me by a few years at least. I'm surprised she bothered to take me in, especially considering what I am. My waterbending could be a curse to her if _they_ find out. They took her friend Hama two years ago when my mother died. Why would she want another potential emotional burden by getting attached to me at all?

I live with Kanna in her tent. My own home, along with everything I had owned, had burnt that day two years ago. Kanna is a woman taller than I am, but then everyone seems to be taller than me in the village. She has the usual blue eyes and dark hair of our people, but hers is true ebony that she keeps held back in a braid with two hair loops on the side of her face. She is a kind and good person. She is always hopeful. Sometimes I get sick of that. Kanna is…my only friend I have left really. There is no one else around my age left, except for one other. All the others were children born in the past seven years. The others left with their parents to be scattered across the pole or….or they were killed in the raids.

I guess I'm supposed to be one of the lucky few.

Today was like any other day in the village, passed with a quiet unease we knew could be destroyed at any moment. Sometimes it seemed like we could forget, but I never could. The young children would run around in the village, playing and laughing. The men were usually out hunting on the icy fields or out fishing. There were always a few left the guard the village, standing up on the icy wall that surrounded our village. Not that it would keep _them_ out. I was inside our tent, nestled in the warmth snugness, as I cooked a soup over the fire. Kanna sat across from me on the other side of the fire, mending one my shirts. The tent was made from animal-skins and the ground was soft from more furs. I felt warm enough to have my parka off inside the cozy tent. The smell of the seaweed soup, Kanna's specialty she had taught me, scented the air.

"Rana, how did you rip another shirt again?" Kanna asked, pausing while she eyed the rip across the sleeve. "This is the second one in a week."

I stirred the soup, debating on telling her the truth. I had been out practicing again. Last time I had tried to freeze the water…it had seemed like a good idea at the time. Until I got my own arm stuck. I smiled at her. "The soups done," I said cheerfully, putting the spoon down by the pot.

"Nice try," Kanna sighed. "I know you've been practicing." I picked the spoon back up and poked the soup around, avoiding her gaze. "You…you can't be doing that Rana," She said quietly. "They'll find out and come and take you away!"

I dropped the spoon into the soup and looked at her. "That won't happen," I refuted. "I'd die first."

"Don't say that," Kanna said with pained eyes. "There is still hope."

I stood up and pulled the tent flap open to step outside. I looked back at Kanna, who sat with my shirt still in her hands. "I don't see it," I replied bleakly.

* * *

The sky outside was an innocent blue with a sharp sun in the sky. The snow was white, crystalline as if pure while it fell down innocently. One of the children, the oldest one at the age of six, tossed a snow ball at me. It hit me in the stomach as I looked the giggling boy. He ran over to me with his light blue eyes sparkling. "You're supposed to throw one back at me, Rana!"

I shook my head. "I don't have time for childish games," I said firmly. "You should be doing something more useful, Takao."

Takao stuck his small tongue out of his pudgy dark face. I swatted for his head, but he ducked with a laugh. I used to watch him when he was a baby. "Go play," I said with a sigh. He nodded and ran off on with his small frame. He paused suddenly and I took breath in. Takao turned and looked at me with fear-filled eyes as we both watched gray ashes fall through the sky. It was like a sick joke…ash mixed with snow like some greeting of death. Yet it was.

"Takao, go home to your mother," I ordered instantly.

He stood root-still, knowing what the ashes meant. "Their coming, aren't they," He asked in a tiny voice. I walked over to him and grasped his shoulders. "Are they going to kill us?" I looked at his face, reassigned, fear-enticed, and yet with a hope that I would prove him wrong.

"Go home, Takao," I said once more. He nodded and set his shoulders. In that moment, I saw an adult, not a child. He looked at me with a determined face and set off for home. I scanned the field where the children had been playing, checking for any stragglers. The field, a minute before, had been the playground for the children. Now it was empty with the imprints of where they had played and dark snow that fell to cover it like a grave.

"Rana!" I turned around to see Hotaka running over to me frantically. He is the only other one around my age in the village, even if he is a year older than me. He's several heads taller than me and resembles an overgrown seaweed for now. He has the promising of filling out one day. His dark brown hair is loose to his neck with part of it pulled back in a style like the warrior's knot. He stopped right before me breathing heavily. Underneath his dark eyebrows, his blue eyes, resembling the shade of a misty ocean, were horrified. His face is softer, but with a defiant chin that right now struggled to remain brave looking. "What are you doing out here?" He questioned me appalled. "You should be inside!"

Ever since the raids seven years ago, Hotaka has made it his personal mission to be my protector, even more so than Kanna. He was one of the few left to guard the village today. There were only five right now, including him. In the distance, the cracking of ice rang in the air. A ship or more were approaching! "I was sending the children inside," I snapped hastily. An acidic taste teased my mouth. My heart thudded swiftly as if it would burst.…_They were coming! Who would it be this time! Not me! Not me! Not those I have come to love!...._

Hotaka shook his head as if I were a dumb child. "There's no time to argue," He ordered, "Now go inside!"

I wanted to stay and fight, but I would be of little use. If only…If only I could truly waterbend. Yet another part of me wanted to run, to run far away, and never come back! I opened my mouth, to argue or to agree, I don't know…

Because the next thing that happened was a huge, iron ship plowing through our village's iced wall. The ground trembled as two of the ship's heads grinded through the wall. An unsettling silence filled the air as the ships moaned. The other men were on the wall, scrambling to get down preparing for them. I could hear their shouts, the screams, and the cries from the woman and children indoors. If the other men were here….we might have had a chance. Hotaka pushed me towards the nearest tent. "Go!" He urged at me. I looked back to see him running towards the men, who waited before the two ships. Both of the ships opened at the front, lowering the rampart down to the ice…

I ducked into the tent to see two woman and three children huddling together. One of them was Takao. The two women were his aunt and mother and the other two children were his siblings. Both girls. The youngest was only a toddler who cried in her mother's arms. "Rana!" Aika gasped, Takao's mother who held the baby girl Chika. Her face was frozen with fear. Her sister, Keiko, threw her arms around me, pulling me to the ground beside me.

"Are you alright?" She whispered, breathing heavily. I looked at her face to see tears in her eyes. She had lost her husband in the last raid.

"I'm fine," I said weakly. She nodded and pulled the other little girl, Emiko, who gazed at us with wide four-year old eyes, into her arms. We settled into an terrified silence as we heard the men outside. There was inaudible yelling and then finally…the sound so of a battle…

As soon as it started, it was all over just like that. In a simple manner of minutes. "Don't worry," Takao said bravely. He stood up and looked at all of us. "As the only man here, I'll protect you!" He held his chest like a miniature brave warrior.

Someone opened the tent of the flap and all of the women shrieked around me. Chika wailed loudly. Takao stumbled back onto the ground. A face looked at all of us. An armored demon's face with dark golden eyes that flashed maliciously against pale skin. "Come out," He ordered threateningly, "Now!"

He held the tent flap open, waiting. Aika and Keiko looked at me. I jerked my head towards the man and they nodded. It would be better to do what he said, until we found out how the battle had went. My knees shook as I walked past the men with the others following behind me. The others of my village stood before the ships in a group with the Fire Nation demon spawn surrounding them. One stood before the two ships, a dark figure in his uniform, watching the crowd. A raven's red flag flashed above the ships. The same as the ones who had come before. The ones who had taken my father and murdered my mother!

I looked around for the men as I joined the crowd. Two bodies lay nearby with the smell of burnt flesh hanging in the air. _Moon spirit…no…_My eyes whirled around looking for Hotaka, to find him near me with only two of the other men. They were separated from the rest of us with soldiers surrounding them. What did they want?

"I have information that there is a waterbender here," A deep voice announced. All of became quiet as we stared at the forbidding looking leader. He was taller than any of the Water Tribe men I had seen. I could feel the shiver tingling in my spine, but there was also the hot blood coursing in my veins of hate. "I would prefer not to have any more deaths…that is if the waterbender will come forward without making any…trouble."

I looked at Aika next to me, whose eyes were trained at me. She shook her head just the slightest. I scanned the ground, hearing their quiet mutterings. Kanna's eyes caught mine and I could see her mouthing the words…_Don't do it…_Her face was admirably brave and sad as I smiled weakly. She shook her head and I looked away. She knew.

"There are no waterbenders here!" One of the women cried. "You took them all!"

"Silence!" The man barked. He folded his arms as he looked at us. I couldn't make out his face. "Well, if it has to be this way…"

I looked at the faces of my people. They would die than rather give me up. How foolish. And stupid. I would not be taken by them. I would not be! I wanted to live, but if it had to end this way…I would end it my way…

I started to move through the crowd to go before them. Aika grabbed my arm, but I shrugged it off. "Rana, no!" She gasped. I shook my head and kept going.

The man's eyes were on me as I stood before the crowd. He was a mere ten feet away. Everyone behind me talked and some of the woman cried. I glanced over at the men to see Hotaka's expression of pure fear…for me. "I am the waterbender," I said loudly, hoping to sound brave. It didn't.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see several of the soldiers closing in on me. "I'm glad you came forward," The man drawled. "I would have disliked having to kill everyone."

"You'll leave them alone once I'm gone?" I queried.

The man unfolded his arms. "Yes."

"Good," I responded, drawing in a deep breath. "Cause you'll have to get me first." It took all of my willpower and determination to send one wave of snow to ripple underneath his feet and send him flying back several feet. I took the confusion at its best and made a run for it. The cries of village were behind me and the shouts of the soldiers.

I heard the violent scream from Aika, "Takao, NO!" I glanced back for only a moment to see Takao's small form lying in the snow. Aika rushed forward to attack the soldier who had killed him. Her sister grabbed her, holding onto the enraged woman. _Takao…he had wanted to protect us…no…He was only a child!_

Rage and guilt swarmed inside me as I kept running. I ran past the wall, making it outside to the flat icy field outside of our village. My lungs ached as I ran and ran. I looked behind me to see five soldieries in close pursuit. My legs were feeling heavy like boulders. The next thing I was aware of was running into something hard and solid. I fell back into the snow with the wind knocked out of me. I took in a painful breath and looked up to see a dark figure towering over me. It was the man…their leader. How had he gotten here before me? He must have cut around!

I could see the bottom half of his face that was laughing at me. Mocking me! His eyes, visible through the slits in his helmet, were the color the sun filtering through ice. They were amused and totally confident. I scrambled backwards from him as I heard him speak. "I'm quite impressed," He said lazily. "For an untrained waterbender, you put up quite a fight."

I stood up in shaky legs. The soldiers behind me were getting closer. There would be no escape. They had killed Takao! Fierce hatred, hotter than the sun, sang in my blood. "You're scum," I spat. I could feel the cooking knife at my side. I had used it earlier to cook Kanna's soup. Strange that I would use it for this. I could no longer feel the fear. There was only a futile hatred and a knowing of how this was about to end. "You think you won?" I asked coldly. A maniac grin formed on my lips. They would _never_ win. "You'll never get me!"

The man stared at me. I swiftly pulled the blade out, raising it to my throat. "Stop her!" The man bellowed. I felt a hand grab mine, wrestling with the blade as I was knocked to the ground once more. I gazed at armored feet beside my head as one came for my head. The world was dark as I head the man's voice say, "We have her. The waterbender."

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A/N: Thanks for reading! Any of you know which group of soldiers that was? This story takes place about fifty-four years before show. All OC's so far except for Hama and Kanna, Sokka and Katara's grandmother. Please review!


	3. Chapter 2: The Southern Raiders

Imprisoned Love

Chapter Two:

The Southern Raiders

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"_A hard beginning maketh a good ending."_ –John Heywood

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

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My head throbbed as I slowly opened my eyes. Before me was nothing, but a complete darkness. I could feel an icy chill from the metal floor beneath me. _Moon spirit…Ocean Spirit…No!_ My feet couldn't rise as I tried to stand. Chains clinked against the ground. My feet were chained to the ground on a metal ring that I felt with my hands. Cold iron embraced my wrists where I also wore chains. I could hear the metal groaning underneath me and the slight sway of the ship being on the sea. _…No!...This can't be happening!..._

The Fire Nation had captured me.

I had fought the best I could and had lost. What I had feared most in the world had come to pass. I was alone and only surrounded by the enemy.

I don't know how much time passed while I waited in the dark or how long I had been there to begin with. I drifted in and out of consciousness as my head ached. Eventually the door was opened, greeting my eyes with glowing, orange lights from the dark hall. A silhouetted figure stood in the doorway that I could not make out. My eyes watered from the sudden light. A hubris, enticed chuckle escaped the man and I recognized his voice instantly. He was that man!...That man who had led them!

I lurched forward onto my feet, attempting to claw his eyes out. I ignored my head as the shadows spun around me. The chains only rattled and kept me far away from the laughing man. "You're quite the fighter," He commented amused. "What's your name?"

It was my turn to laugh darkly. What kind of question was that? Where was the torture? It had to be coming soon enough. I wasn't going to give the pleasure to this…demon...of knowing my name. I spat out at close to his feet as I could instead.

The man came out of the doorway and into the cell. I stepped back immediately, leaning against the wall. He could bend fire while I…I was defenseless. The cell was suddenly lightened as the man created a ball of fire in his hand. I flinched as he did so, surprise to not feel fire burning my skin or the like. I avoided looking at the glowing death. It had killed my mother. Destroyed my home. Fire terrified me.

The man's face before me was finally revealed for he had on no helmet this time. He still wore the dark armor that frightens so many. The man was older than me by a good portion of years with a hardened face. He was muscular with broad shoulders and ebony hair in a top-knot. He had no facial hair, but several scars on his broad cheeks. He was not handsome, but striking because of strength earned through experience. Through warfare. It was his eyes, the color gold; that I detested that watched me now. Demons with golden eyes. I have always seen varying colors of those eyes through their helmets over the years. These eyes were a shade I hadn't seen before. It reminded me of the sunlight filtering through the ice, the palest touch of yellow. "Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you," He said calmly, noticing my eyes on the fire. "How old are you?" He asked next.

I didn't answer him. What was the point? They would torture me. Imprison me. I was not going to give them any satisfaction at this point! The man let out a frustrated sigh and closed his fist around the fire, letting the room back into the darkness. "I'll be back when you're more ready to answer me," He warned, while walking towards the door. The man paused in the doorway before he closed the door. "Perhaps a lack of food and water will make you more open. Or the need to relieve yourself might do it to." He laughed shortly at his last comment as the door shut with a final bang.

Time crawled in the dark. The only thing I could do was sleep or listen to the sounds of creaking and clanking of the ship. My head ceased to ache soon enough, but my whole body was sore from the metal floor and walls. I tried to pass the time without thinking, but Takao's dead body on the ground haunted my vision. Kanna's face. Hotaka's. My dying mother's cries. The tears I shed when they took my father. Another torment, but of my own creation. It would have been better not to think at all.

I was constantly cold, shivering. I didn't have my parka anymore; they had taken it from me. This was intentional. A form of torture. Funny that I should be cold on a Fire Nation ship when I am Water Tribe. The thought made me laugh harshly.

* * *

The door opened once more as I laughed. The same one as before. I could not see the man's face, only his outline, but I knew it was him. He had been right about the food and water. My throat was tight and parched, while my stomach cried for food. As for relieving myself…I am not going to admit what I had done. He stayed by the door with the harsh red light outlining his figure. He did not move. "I'm wondering what you find amusing, considering your current situation," He said jadedly. "It's been three days." The man paused. I could hear the swishing of water in a container. He held it in his hand and moved it about on purpose. "I'm sure you're thirsty, but if I were to give you any, it would have to be with no waterbending coming from you."

Oh, I wanted to…but I could feel the ache in my throat. I barely had the strength to raise my head up to look at him. There was no way I would be waterbending, no matter how much I wanted to. "It stinks in here by the way," He commented coldly. There was a long silence before the man stated simply, "You wouldn't have done it." I almost looked at him in confusion until I realized that he was referring to my attempted suicide! A surge of denial and twisted rage and resentment coursed within me.

I could only stare at him in the forbidding dark with blurred eyes. _So thirsty…. hungry…tired…never...moon spirit! I would never give in, but…ocean spirit…forgive me…_

I wanted to be able to _want_ to die. I couldn't. He had been right. I…I…I hate them! Especially him! "Rana," I croaked with my voice barely audible.

The man stepped into the room with his feet clanking against the metal. I could feel his hand, warm to my shivering neck, as he tilted my head up. Cool water fell into my open mouth, some of it dripping down my face. I glanced at the man's hidden face by the dark through barely opened eyes. "My name is Katsu," He said as if this were a polite introduction. I could only swallow the water with sputtering efforts. When I was done, the man…Katsu, set the water aside. He still held me up with his arm around my shoulders. I shivered in revulsion. I was letting the enemy hold me!

"Kill me," I whispered. At least he would do it for me. The enemy only lived to destroy my people. It was funny to think only a short while ago I would have preferred to kill myself first.

"No," Katsu said firmly. "I want you to live."

I only felt shock quake through me and then realized that they had gone through all that trouble to capture me and other waterbenders to begin with. He would not let me die because he was probably ordered not to. He did not care what would happen to me when we would arrive in the Fire Nation. He was the enemy. A demon in a human's form.

"I'm the leader of the Southern Raiders," Katsu said. "This unit is under my command." What did that have to do with me? What did I care? "You're not going to go to prison when we reach the Fire Nation," Katsu continued calmly. I blinked in a delayed surprise. _What?_ "I'm going to save you from that fate."

_Not go to prison…but what did that mean? He said he wanted me to live…yet was he still going to kill me?_..._I didn't understand!_..My thoughts were crumbling and mingling. A torment of confusion from the ill treatment of my body and the exhaustion it reaped on my mind. "How?" I asked weakly.

Katsu still held me in his arms. I could sense a trace of amusement on his face. "By coming home with me," He answered as if it were the obvious answer.

I gasped and tried to move away from him, but those arms held me like iron. "Think about this!" He urged. "The only other fate you have is imprisonment. I can save you from that!"

"Why?" I asked with disgust. What did he mean by this? I was…so lost and confused. He is the enemy!

Katsu traced the outline of my face with his rough hand. I couldn't see him, but I could feel the heat emanating from his body. "That was the first raid I had let against your people," He began in a placid tone. There was something else though…something… "The war is my part of life. I have seen many die before. Many try to defend themselves. You were one lone girl against more than you could handle. Yet you still tried." He stopped and then said. "I admire you for that."

"Monsters," I breathed out with great difficulty. "All of you…" How I detested him. _The Fire Nation_. Only hatred and greed thrives in their blood. Nothing but demons in human form. Fear enticed me as I said those words. Would he kill me now?

Katsu moved one of his hands away and I felt him press something into my hand which lay weakly at my side. "Here's something to eat," He said while carefully releasing me from his arms. He stood up and walked towards the doorway. "Be prepared to leave. We are only a day away from the Fire Nation." The door closed with an ominous bang.

Only a day away?

I clenched the piece of bread he had given me, almost crushing it into nothing. _Moon spirit! _What did this Katsu plan to do with me? What did he want? Would it be better in prison? Or…or should I still try to take my own life. I weakly tried to eat the bread as my stomach growled with strained efforts.

Leader of the Southern Raiders…Katsu…

He was responsible for all of this.

That group of soldiers, the ones with the sea raven on their flag, the Southern Raiders….were the ones who had taken Hama and killed my mother. They had taken my father.

…_Ocean Spirit…Moon Spirit…hear my prayer…help me…._

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A/N: This chapter is much shorter than what I wanted it to be, but oh well. I know its dark, but hopefully eveyone likes it enough. Thanks for reading and please review!


	4. Chapter 3: The Fire Nation

Imprisoned Love

Chapter Three:

The Fire Nation

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"_We sometimes encounter people, even perfect strangers, who begin to interest us at first sight, somehow suddenly, all at once, before a word has been spoken."_ –Fydor Dostoevsky

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

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When I opened my eyes, I had not even realized that I had fallen asleep. Instead of the dark cell in the prison that I expected, I was shocked to say the least when pleasant daylight greeted my eyes. I was looking up at a pure blue sky. Something I had not even known that I feared I might not see again. It seemed that I had been in the dark for eternity. My eyes watered as I blinked. It took me a second to realize that I was _moving._

There was an animal underneath me that grunted from the efforts of almost smooth strides. We were on a dirt road that was empty, winding in between bright green hills. A pair of arms were around me, holding me against a very masculine chest that breathed deeply. My head had been resting against his shoulder. A pair of light golden eyes looked down at me amused from his pale face that was only inches from my own. I almost felt the need to empty my stomach from how close I was to him right then. "Finally awake?" He questioned with a smirk. "I was wondering when the drug would wear off."

"You drugged me?" I demanded furious. That would explain not remembering falling asleep; the last thing I remembered was eating the crushed bread from my hand… "You're disgusting!" I spat. I looked straight ahead, refusing to meet the eyes of a monster.

"That's not a nice thing to say to the man who saved you from prison," Katsu remarked softly. I looked at his hands which held leather straps that were connected to the front of the animal's head tighten. The creature had three horns that I could see and from the feel of it was four-legged. What was this thing?

"How did you get me off of the ship?" I asked sharply, ignoring his comment.

Katsu chuckled and I could feel his chest rumble beside me. "As far as my superiors know, you attempted to escape and jumped into the ocean." I almost gasped as he said that for that is exactly what I would have done if given the chance. "To the world you are dead."

Those words. That exact statement was truth. To my people I was dead now for I had been taken. I would never see them again. Kanna. Hotaka. _Takao…he was dead because of me…_ I shook my head.

"Don't believe me?" Katsu asked with a serious tone.

"No," I answered him quietly. "I do. You'd do anything to get what you want." I didn't think about the words I said. They had simply come out, but there was a profound truth in them I didn't realize at first.

"You're right," Katsu said hushed. "If it's something I truly want enough."

"Where are you taking me?" I implored, still looking at the passing countryside. I pondered the idea of trying to jump off the animal, but his arms around me were a solid prison.

"Home," He said. "I live on the other side of this island."

"No!" I hissed. "You stole me from my home."

Katsu shrugged his broad shoulders. "I was doing my duty," He said dryly. "You won't be able to run," He added. "I know everyone on this island. To them you are my troubled fiancée."

"What?" I gasped outraged. I felt a furious flash of hatred and disgust overtake me. I knew he had wanted something but…this?

"Yes," He stated as if were an accepted truth. "But we will wait for now." I raised my fist and slammed in into his jawbone, catching him by surprise. His head snapped back with an unpleasant sound as he grunted. I slid off of the creature with my wrist and hand aching in pain. I fell to my knees on the dirt road painfully, but ignored my scraped kneecaps as I ran.

Unfortunately for me, I was still weak from the lack of food and water as I tried to run. The grass jolted against my feet as I ran with heavy breaths. Each step felt like eternity as I ran without looking back. The hillside started to slope up gently as I ran across the green surface. I could hear him behind me, a breathing monster. The air was knocked out of me when I felt him tackle me to the ground. He did not crush me, but held me in his arms as I bounced against him when we fell. He prevented himself from crushing me to the ground. I squirmed and kicked as he held me tightly, trying to hit him.

He was a solid wall of muscle that did not even seem to feel my attempt to inflict him with pain. "Rana," He said sternly. I could feel his breath near my head where my head laid against his chest. "It's pointless." Eventually, I could do no more except breath desperately from exhaustion. He let go of me and sat up beside me as I lay on the ground, staring up at an endless blue sky.

"I hate you," I gasped.

He stood up as he towered over me as he looked down at me. The sun was behind him, making it impossible to look at his face. "I know," He affirmed as he bent down and scooped me up into his arms. Katsu carried me back to the horned riding creature with no more effort as if he were carrying a child.

Soon enough we were riding along as if the whole event had not happened. I could not help it as we continued along in silence to fall asleep in Katsu's imprisoning arms.

* * *

The next thing I was dimly aware of was in a half-sleep, being carried in Katsu's arms. I could hear his deep voice as he said something to someone else, a woman by the sound of it. The only thing I could recall was the softest blankets I had ever felt and being lost back into the sleeping world.

When I awoke, it was with a hope that it all had been a horrible nightmare. That I would wake up back in the village to the sound of Kanna's voice. That Takao would be there to throw a snowball at me as I walked outside of the tent. Instead when I opened my eyes, it would not be to the brown skins that served as the walls of Kanna's tent. It was too a bedroom that was surrounded by four walls of dark, red wood.

A banner hung on a wall directly in front me. The blood red hanging with the symbol of flames. The banner of the Fire Nation. I scrambled back against the bed, hitting the ground behind the bed. I stood up slowly, blinking back the tears of pure desperation. There was a door opposing me on the wall that was closed. The bed I had been on had the disgusting colors of the Fire Nation and was much bigger than any bed I had seen. I had never seen such a bed before. One that was raised from the ground with soft beddings. I looked behind me where the sunlight streamed into the room. Several paned windows were on the wall behind the bed. In the room itself, the ground was the same dark wood. A large wood cabinet sat against one wall and another door was on the wall nearest to me. Otherwise the room was quite plain and simple, except for a low table that was lined with candles and a cushion in front of it against another wall.

I looked around the room and knew I was alone. For the moment anyways. I ran to the closed door and tried to open it to no avail. I pounded and pounded, but the blasted door was solid as a mountain. I took in deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. Eventually, I wandered to the other door and peeked in, revealing it to be some sort of cleaning room for there was a tub and mirror in there. Another cabinet sat in there as well, but this room was tiled with white stones and the same red wood walls. There were no windows in this room and it was much smaller compared to the bedroom. I glanced at the several hangings in the wall that were of views of mountains and rolling hills. They were green and alive as I looked at them with a touch of wonder. Everything at home was cold. Here it seemed so…alive…

From what little I had seen of their land, it was green and alive. The very air was warmth itself. How could a people from such a beautiful land be so evil?

I shook my head and walked back into the other room. I felt better now, not exhausted to the point of collapsing anyways. Though my had did ache from punching Katsu. It felt a little swollen to the touch. My stomach growled hungrily. I ignored it as I went to look at the windows which looked out at a garden of sorts. I had never seen a garden before. There were trees and flowers that I had dreamed of. I had been relieved to notice I was still in the same clothing I had been wearing when they had captured me. Though they were now in bad shape, they were still a part of home. Time passed slowly as I grew bored. Soon enough I was looking through the cabinet that was in the bedroom, revealing it to be of men's clothing. Clothing that was just the size for…Katsu…

I was in his bedroom! My empty stomach rose to the back of my throat as a pure hatred coursed through me. I flung his clothes around and ripped at them while laughing crazily. At least I could have revenge on his clothes! "Having fun?" A deep voice drawled. I stopped in my tracks with a half-ripped shirt in my hands. Katsu stood in front of the open doorway, showing a hall behind him made of the same dark wood. He had his arms folded with a smirk on his face. He was a giant of man compared to the men of my tribe. Broad shoulders. Pure muscle. Those light demon eyes that mocked me.

I finished ripping the shirt, enjoying the sound as it tore, and dropped it to the ground satisfied. The whole room was scattered with his now ruined clothes. "This is more pathetic than your escape attempt," Katsu added as he surveyed the room. "Luckily I have many more clothes you can destroy if you still feel the need."

I stood glaring at him, confused and full of anger. I did not know what to do!

"Don't try to run away again," He warned softly. "You're in my home, surrounded by my people, and on an island where I am the one in control."

The bed was right behind me as I sat on the edge of it defeated. I believed every word he said, even if I didn't want to. "What do you want with me?" I asked, staring down at the ground. It was hopeless. I felt an empty wave of nothing overtake me. For the first time, I gave up in my life. "Why not just let me go to the prisons?"

I could hear him close the door and come to the bed. It sank near me as he sat beside me. I tensed, waiting for him to touch me, but he didn't. My heart raced within my chest. "You're going to be my wife," He said at last. He had mentioned before…but…

I almost fainted at the explosion of revulsion and vehemence that came over me. The feeling of defeat vanished. I would kill him before I let him touch me! The thought…it was disgusting beyond words…

"I'm not going to rush you," Katsu went on, "But we will have the ceremony at the end of this week."

I did not think I would faint like some weak girl. Someone who had not seen death and war before did not do such a thing.

But I did.

* * *

A/N: Well, here is the latest chapter finally! Thanks for reading and please review!


	5. Chapter 4: The Home of Katsu

Chapter Four:

The Home of Katsu

* * *

"_Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate_." –Albert Schweitzer

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

I opened my eyes to Katsu's bedroom; it was to the red canopy of the bed above me. A dark color…like blood. Slowly I sat up, scanning the room instantly for any sign of his presence. There was none. A soft sigh of relief came from me, until I finally took notice of my change of clothes. Before I had still been in the clothes that I had worn when captured, which had been worse for the wear. Now I was wearing what seemed to be a long shirt that went down to my feet and long sleeves that went to my wrists. I hissed when I noticed I no longer had my undergarments. Had the monster changed me himself? Had he seen me naked? I shuddered in revulsion. As was to be expected, the dress-shirt was a shade of red, but one light enough it almost looked pink. Ugh.

The cloth was soft I thought after-mindedly, softer than anything back home. That thought was shoved away immediately. My stomach growled as I slid off of the bed and out of the blankets. Someone had put me into the bed, considerate enough to tuck me in. Bile rose up in my throat and I ran to the attached room. There was a basin in front of the mirror that I relieved myself in. An acidic aftertaste stayed in my mouth as I wiped my chin. "Are you ill, my lady?" A voice asked concerned.

I turned around with a shriek, slipping into the only defensive stand I knew. Of course, I had not water to bend. My shoulders slumped as I looked at the woman who stood before me. She was definitely not a threat. No, they are all monsters, I corrected myself. The woman before me was taller than me by a hand or more with a thicker build. Not fat, but not as fragile looking as the woman from home are. Her dark brown hair was pulled back demurely in some sort of half bun on her head. A small red symbol of the Fire Nation decorated it. Dark brown eyes looked at me considerately from a pale, rounder face. She was middle-aged with several lines around her eyes. Her outfit was a dress-robe thing I didn't know the name for in colors of soft red and a pale grey.

"Who are you?" I rushed forcefully.

The woman gave me a tiny smile and…_a bow? _Was I dead? Drugged? "My name is Ran," She replied politely. "Lord Katsu sent me to help you."

"Lord Katsu?" I repeated mockingly. "Moon spirit…" I groaned under my breath.

"Well, are you ill, my lady?" Ran inquired.

I gaped at her. Why was she calling me that? Didn't she know who I was? Where I am from? "Stop calling me that!" I shrieked. "You're supposed to hate…not treat me like some!...Some sort of…" Ran looked at me in complete shock as I shrieked at her, but held her calm expression.

"Like a noblemen's wife-to-be?" A deep voice stated humored, interrupting my tirade. I hadn't noticed the monster leaning against the doorpost, sneaking in quietly. "You may go Ran," He said with a wave of his hand. "I do apologize for her lack of behavior, but do grab something for her to eat."

"Yes, my lord," Ran said with the bow, a strange gesture compared to the one I was used to do. She put her hand underneath her palm. She glided out politely, leaving me to glare daggers at the imposing monster before me.

Katsu's light eyes watched me as if I was not wishing death on him at all. "You should be more polite to Ran, as she is the only servant who will be caring for you directly," He warned with a touch of…kindness?

My eyes narrowed. "She's one of you," I said with repugnance. "I hate all of you!"

"You use that world a lot," Katsu mused. He moved from his spot as he walked towards me. I stepped sideway away from him, but he walked past me towards the mirror. He looked at the basin and turned back to look at me. I looked away at the strange expression on his face. That could not be… "Are you sick?" He asked me. "What made you do this? Is your stomach bothering you?"

"It was the thought of you undressing me that made me sick!" I yelled hoarsely. My head was starting to pound again. "It was you who changed me, wasn't it? Where are my clothes! I want them!"

"Ah," Katsu answered me with a closed off face. "Those clothes were tossed. They were in horrid shape, as for who changed you that was Ran who did it." _He had thrown away the only thing I had left of home?!_ He closed his eyes for a moment. "I'm so glad to know the thought of me touching you delights you."

I screamed and ran at him, trying to claw out those demon eyes. Katsumerely held my arms above my head, grabbing them with one solid hand. "Stop screaming, Rana!" He commanded seriously for the first time. I halted. That was the first time I had heard…an order in his voice. "You're giving me a splitting headache."

I looked up at his face. "I hope you get one," I said darkly. I had one that caused me to flinch at the pounding at my temples. "Let go of me!" I added, for he still held my arms above me as if I were nothing.

Katsu let go of my arms and I backed away, not turning my back to him even once. I edged towards the doorway that led towards the bedroom. "When Ran gets back, I expect you to eat, clean up, and be properly dressed," Katsu said firmly. "And I expect you to be totally compliant with her."

I let out a snort. "Why would I do what you want?"

Katsu stretched his arms out like a lazy, but dangerous, predator. "Because I will do it her place if you aren't good." That made me nod my head with wrathful eyes. Better her than him at least. _Ocean spirit…Moon spirit…why did this happen to me? _"That's better," Katsu said with a victorious smile. "Of course, you don't have a complete wardrobe yet. Your clothes are borrowed ones, so try not to tear them up like you did mine. There will be a seamstress coming tomorrow to do your measurements."

I stared at him silently.

"Later today, I will show you around the house, maybe even the gardens," Katsuwent on evenly with an unreadable expression. "You will meet the household later eventually of course, when you can act civil." I gritted my teeth together. I had made a decision in that moment. He wanted me to be obedient. When given the chance, I would run…or…or I don't think I could it. I hadn't been able to do it on that icy field back home. Until that time came, I would not give him the satisfaction of any sort of reaction. Not one word.

"No ranting or raving, Rana?" Katsu went on with a teasing smile. He dared to tease me? What a sick monster! I merely glared at him more, hoping he would die on the spot. "So you're going to ignore me now, huh?" He asked with a shake of his head. "Trust me, it won't last. You have to much fire in you to do that." Fire? Fire?! I fought the impulse to attack him again. _Fire…I hated fire…and feared it…_

_A woman screamed as she ran out of burning tent, only to be burned down by a soldier who laughed as half of her face was burned. Lying in the snow…the stench of burned flesh and hair…a babe wailed from within the tent…a girl hidden in the snow trench nearby…crying for her mother…weak…unable to go into that tent because of the fire…_

I pushed the memory away and the tears that threatened to rise. I hadn't seen them before my waking eyes, except for in my dreams. "Another thing, Rana," Katsu went on, "Don't waterbend. I know how tempted you will be, but don't. The consequences would be…you don't want to know." Katsu looked at me with a dangerous face, taunting me to challenge him. I looked away.

Katsu walked passed me and the door that led to freedom shut with an ominous bang.

* * *

Ran later returned to find me staring out the glass windows onto a garden, sitting on the bed quietly. "Are you ready to bathe now, my lady?" She inquired. I looked at her and shrugged. She smiled and shut the door behind herself that locked with a click. Ran strode past me into the other room and I was shocked to hear running water. The thought did enter my mind, but his warning had been so…I turned away from those thoughts. Ran came back into the room and knocked on the bedroom door. It was opened by someone on the other side, but I didn't turn back around to look. I could hear her coming back and forth from the other room to the bedroom several times. A peculiar flowery scent entered the bedroom. Not unpleasant, but…different. "My lady, follow me." Rana called from the entrance way into the other room. I got off of the bed and walked past her.

"Could you get your clothes off and into the bath?" She asked, gesturing towards the tub that was now filled with water and had a murkier color to it than usual. She saw the expression on my face. "Only scented perfumes and the like in the water," She said with a chuckle. "Almost like you've never had a bath before."

"I haven't," I said. My eyes opened. Had I really just talked to her? She was being too…friendly…why wasn't she treating me like she should? It put me off balance.

"Really?" She said surprised. "Sweet Agni…well, uh, my lady, if you're curious those pipes there, you see?" I looked at several metal pipes that did come out of the head of the tub. "They bring up naturally heated water from some pools underground. Not a lot of the nobles have this kind of bath, so this is special indeed!"

I nodded. "Do you need my help to undress?" Ran made a movement to come nearer to me.

"No!" I snapped, backing away from her. Her hand fell to her side with a controlled expression.

"Of course, my lady," She said with a cooler tone. Her dark brown eyes were more guarded now. "Do you need my help at all?"

I shook my head.

"That table over against the wall has all of the clothes and such," She continued. "If you need any help I will be in the bedroom and with food waiting for you." She walked out of the room, leaving me to my own devices.

We didn't have baths back at home, but had merely used a bucket with water and rags usually. It was quite a different sensation to be in a tub with hot water that smelled…good. To be in my own element brought a temporary peace for my mind. I would look over the edge to make sure Ran was still in the next room. I managed to take care of myself just fine until I looked down at the peculiar things on the table. The clothes I had put on I hated. Loose pants and a similar dress-shirt to Ran's, with a wide material going over the waist line, and an outer robe. The material was soft, but the colors…a dark red and lighter brown. There was high collar line and the shoulders had a double shoulder spikes. I shivered underneath the soft, silky material. The clothing was so light in weight compared to my own…Ocean spirit, I missed the color blue.

Ran walked into the room and beamed at me. "That fits you splendidly!" She exclaimed. I scowled at her. "I can help you with your hair," She offered. "You'll have to excuse me, my lady, but it isn't proper for you to do your own hair. Do you even know how to use those?" I looked down at the only thing that I knew that resembled a comb. Ran's smile stretched. Before I knew it, I was sitting on a stool with the woman's hand on my hair. "You do have a good length of hair," She complimented me. It was to my waist line, but others at home had had even longer hair. I forced away the thoughts of home…or how Kanna would comb my hair…as Ran did now.

She pulled up half of my hair, leaving the rest down as she put it into a know style similar to her own. I shook my head. "You don't like it?" She asked softly. I turned my head to look into offended brown eyes. _"And I expect you to be totally compliant with her."_ _The demon's voice warning whispered in my ear_. I shook my head. Ran grinned and went back to her work.

"Do you want any make-up?" She asked a few minutes later. The look on my face was an instant no. That was a rare thing at home and I didn't want to look that way for _him_. "Jewelry?" I shook my head. "Alright, let me put in a hairpiece." She held up the symbol of their nation…unlike hers it was gold in color on a red band and slightly larger. A two pronged fire symbol…_.Fire…burning hatred…fear…mom!_

I knocked it out of her hand and watched it clank on the ground. Ran looked at me with passive eyes and picked it up. She set it back down on the table. "I'll take that as a no, my lady."

My headache had not ceased much to go away, but I ignored it when I followed her into the bedroom. Much to my stomach's relief, there was a simple meal of bread and fruits waiting for me. "Lord Katsu said have to light meal for you. He informed me anything spicier would upset your stomach." I ignored her as I bit down onto the bread and was surprised to find it did have a slight spicy flavor. I was hungry enough to eat it though.

I missed the idea of regular bread. Prune soup. I closed my eyes and finished eating the bread. "I will take leave of you now, my lady," Ran stated. I opened my eyes to see her by the doorway. I picked up the cup sitting near me and drank down the water. Ran knocked on the doorway and someone on the other side opened it for her.

* * *

I was alone. Finally.

There was no way out of this bedroom, except for the windows or the door. The door had to have some sort of guard on the other side I was betting. Who else was opening it? I looked at the windows. It would be a bit of a noise, but I could run fast. The garden outside didn't look too complicated, but there was wall on the other side of it from what I could see. There had to be an exit there eventually. I walked back into the other room and almost slid on the tile in my new shoes. They were way too slippery, but sadly I had nothing else and the new clothes would be a hassle because of the length.

I was going to leave this place.

I picked up the stool from before and carried it back into the bedroom. I held it confidently and prepared to swing it out at the window. The door clicked open behind me and I felt the stool grabbed away from me as I had pulled it back. I turned around as I struggled to hold onto to it, to see the monster holding onto the other end with a very angry face. He held it with one hand and with the other clasped one of my wrists. His grip tightened, forcing me to release my hold painfully. "Let go," He charged at me threateningly. My last hand on the stool let go. Katsu went and knocked on the door. He shoved the stool outside and murmured something to whoever was outside. He shut the door and leaned against as he turned around.

I stood where I had been, breathing heavily as I stared back writhingly. "You don't give up, do you?" Katsu remarked at last. His voice was dark with anger. A tingle of fear coursed through me. What would happen to me if I did push him too far? "Do not try something so stupid again," He intoned with each word. He came to me more quickly than I could get away. His hands gripped my shoulders as I was forced to look up at his face. "Do you understand me, Rana?" I looked away. "Answer me!" He commanded with a loud voice. His grip tightened on my shoulders and I squirmed to get away.

I gave him a sharp nod. Katsu let go of me roughly and walked away several feet. His back was to me as he stared out the window. I imagined stabbing him in the back, until he turned back around to face me. "You do look lovely," He said as if nothing had just happened. "Red is a good color on you."

My face heated up as I felt the hate soar within me. _Moon spirit…My color is blue…he can never take that from me…_

"I do have a larger household, but not to extreme. Someday soon I hope you will learn to know everyone by name, but until that day…" Katsu began; he paused and looked at me. "I would like to introduce you to the only other companion you will know until that time besides Ran."

He walked past me and knocked on the door. This time someone came into the room and the door was left open as he did so. He was the one who had been watching the door. The man was not dressed in the armor of the Fire Nation, but simple dark clothes that could blend in anywhere. He was shorter than Katsu, almost about the regular size of my people, but with broader shoulders and frame. He reminded me of a stone with the way he walked. This man bulged with muscle that was framed by his clothing. His hair was in a top knot and was ebony with streaks of grey. Golden eyes, the usual shade, looked at me coldly. He was in his later middle-years, but he gave off a deadly impression. Not overwhelming like Katsu did, but more subtle. His face was squarer with heavy lines. A face's whose expression reminded me of heartless stone. "My name is Iwao, my lady," He greeted me formally with their unusual bow. "I am to be your guard."

"Consider it for your own good," Katsu told me with taunting eyes. "He is one of the best of his kind."

"You give me too much credit, my lord," Iwao said as if was too much honor, but his voice and face held no expression. As if he were truly stone.

Iowa turned back to me and bowed again, and then to Katsu. He went back through the door and shut it. "He will be by that door when you are in here," Katsu informed me with a terse look, "And by your side wherever you go, unless I am with you."

I looked away from the monster's gaze. I moved back a step when I heard him approach me, but was to slow to escape his careful touch that caressed my loose hair. I didn't look at his face when his hand gently followed my jaw line. Fear and revulsion whirled in me. "You're shivering," Katsu breathed near my face. His hand fell away from me. "I am sorry about earlier, but you do need obey me."

I looked up at his face that was only hands breaths away from my own. My face was defiant with hating eyes. Katsu didn't look one bit disturbed. "This is better than the prisons, Rana," He claimed. "You should be grateful."

* * *

A/N: Sorry for the lack of updating! School as has a way of consuming my time these days. Well, please review and thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 5: Imprisonment

Chapter Five:

Imprisonment

* * *

"_Deep down even the most hardened criminal is starving for the same thing that motivates the innocent baby: Love and acceptance."_–Lily Fairchilde

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

"_You let him die!" Aika shrieked at me. The young woman, only a few years older than me, looked at me with pure hatred. Tears fell down her dark cheeks from light blue eyes. "He looked up to you and you let him die! My son is dead because of you!" _

_She disappeared as I opened my mouth to say that I was sorry. So sorry…_

"_Rana?" Takao stood before me with a burned face and chest. He looked…like my mother had when she died… "Why did you let me die?" He asked pleadingly. He implored me with his child eyes. My throat hardened as I let tears come out._

"_I'm…"_

"_What? Sorry?" She asked standing before me. Takaowas gone, replaced by a woman with half a face. She looked at me with a face that had once looked my own. Except for her eyes. They were a different shade. "You couldn't save him, could you?" She demanded. I could barely look at her without horror. "You let your brother die burning in that tent first and then Takao. And you considered yourself brave!"_

"_I didn't know what to do!" I protested wildly. "I was only a child!"_

"_And so were both of they," She answered me bitterly. _

_I reached out, to hug the woman who had once been my mother. To ask for her forgiveness, to cry out in anger to being abandoned. To just cry…but my arms felt nothing…_

_Except for an intense fire that surrounded me, licking me hungrily. The heat…the pain as it singed my hair and my skin!_

I awoke with a gasp and heavy breathing, but I kept my scream at bay. The monster lay in the beside me, long lost in his own dreams. I shook violently and shivered. I slid out of the bed quietly and stood in front of the window. A half moon glowed in the dark sky above, lighting the garden with a silver glow. Stars twinkled and there were no clouds. _Moon spirit, I thought, how could this have happened to me? To our people? What did we do to deserve this? _

As always, my prayers went unanswered. I had begun to lose faith in my own spirits. There was no one to help me out of this. I was alone.

It had been two weeks now since my first arrival. True to the monster's word, we had been married at the end of a week in a ceremony performed by some sort of holy person to his people. I hadn't paid much attention. The ceremony hadn't even required my consent and all I had done was stand through the whole thing silently. I had been given my own wardrobe and jewelry. There was another cupboard in the bedroom just for me now. It also contained my wedding dress. There had been no opportunity for me to escape, but this pretense of a marriage wouldn't stop me from trying! Iwao was always there at the door or with me if I wandered around the house or gardens. Ran helped me to dress and undress. There other servants and guards, but none approached me.

I didn't care to talk to them either. Iwai was silent. The only two who spoke to me was Ran or the monster. Not one word has come from my lips since the first day I came here. The monster's home was old and large, enough to entertain me most of the time. I had not been outside since the walls since I first came through. There were only two gates out. Both guarded. I had gotten on a walkway on the wall the other night with Iwao. There were green hills surrounding the house with hints of a forest in the distance. A road wounded through the hills from the main gate to be lost from eye's view. The other gate had a road that led down the cliff sides on the other side of the estate, where I could see the endless ocean meeting the eternity sky.

No escape thus far.

I have to admit the monster had been true to his word…he has not touched me, except for once. The only other times where when we slept and I would be forced to fall asleep with his arms around, keeping me imprisoned even then. The other time had been the night we had married…

_I stood in his room, edgy and nervous. What would he do? He followed me in and closed the door behind us. I was still in my wedding gown as was he in his own wedding outfit. Such strange clothes. There had been a dinner afterwards with people from the island. Important people, Katsu had told me, from the villages and the only other noble family on this island. He told me to speak to no one, but only to smile and nod. _

_Katsu looked at me with raised eyebrows. "You look shaken, Rana," He mused. "Why so scared now? I have been sleeping by your side one week already." The first night he had tried to sleep beside me had not gone well. He still had scratches on his upper arms as I had bruises on my wrists. He had not violated me or even kissed me yet, but what would stop him now? From his viewpoint I was his wife, as much disgust and hatred it brought to me. I knew about the things between a man and a woman. Kanna had explained it to me when I had become a woman. Yet no one has ever…not even a kiss…and I was to have this ruined by this Fire Nation demon? _

"_I have something for you," Katsusaid with a solid smile. "I couldn't give it to you during the ceremony for obvious reasons and it did take time to have the jeweler design it." Katsu pulled something that was wrapped in black cloth from his robes. He extended it out to me with an open hand, waiting for me to take it. I made no move to take it from him. Katsu sighed and came over to me, taking my hand and pressing the cloth into it. "Open it," He said, and then added kindly. "Please."_

_I thought it wise to keep him happy and opened the cloth. Inside laid a silver chain necklace with one ornament on it. A small blue stone was set in a silver casing that wrapped around it wildly. It was lovely._

_I hated it immediately. _

_Katsu looked at me and said, "I read about the custom of giving a betrothal necklace. I thought you might want to have one." The thought came to me that he had been reading about my people, but what for? It went away with the thought that was not a custom practiced by my tribe, perhaps in the north, but not in the Southern Water Tribe. I looked at him with a cold stare. _

"_You don't like it," He said jadedly. "But then you don't like anything, do you." The necklace was blue…my color…why had he? I hated the gesture it was supposed to mean, but it was still my color. The only blue I had. I clenched my fist around it. I looked back at Katsu and could have sworn he had fought down the urge to smile. _

"_Rana," He said softly. He took me into his arms. They were huge, a hot prison that I couldn't get out of. He had embraced me before this week, but it had only lasted for seconds. I didn't look at his face. Suddenly his mouth was on mine. I fought back and tried to push myself away. I stumbled away for Katsu let go of me hastily. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that," He said swiftly with a hint of regret. This was only a trap to lure me in. He is a monster! Loathing and vehemence were such a common feeling to me now I barely noticed them anymore. "I told you I wouldn't force you, not until you're ready."_

_I backed up to the other side of the room. "I'm going to change Rana, so you can turn around like you like to," He said thickly. His face was contorted with emotions I didn't understand as he looked at me. "I swear on Agni I won't touch you tonight." _

_I turned around. I heard him change and go into the bed. It had become custom for me to grab my nightclothes and change in the bathroom. I didn't do that tonight._

_I looked back over at Katsu to see him shirtless lying in the bed. It was still a shock to see that much pale skin that I hated to admit had good form. "Are you not going to go change?" The monster asked in a false voice. _

_I shook my head. _

_He sighed and used his firebending to cast the room into darkness. I eventually fell asleep on the floor, leaning against the wall. Yet in the morning when I woke up, I had been shocked to find myself tucked into the blankets with my wedding garment still on. He was no longer there when I had awoken…_

* * *

I stared out the window, going over the recent memory. A week had passed since that night. Had I only been here two weeks? It felt like eternity to me in this gilded prison. For it was still prison, however comfortable it was.

"You have nightmares a lot," His voice said in the dark. I didn't look away from the window. "Yet you don't scream. Even in your sleep you're silent to me."

He sat up in the bed from the sound of the bed creaking and the blankets rustling. "What is it you're dreaming about?"

I fingered the necklace he had given me that weighed down on my chest. _It is blue….my element…_

"I liked it better when you screamed hatred at me," Katsu said roughly. _I know, I thought, that is why…_ "Come back to bed," He said.

I slipped into the bed beside him. He pulled me against his chest where I could feel his deep breathing contrasting against my own small ones. "My brother and his wife will be arriving in several days," He murmured near my head. The monster's smell reminded me of heat and spice…I shivered. "They are visiting to see you. Rana, you don't speak, but you mustn't tell people where you're from. They know as do my servants, but neither will betray me. If you do, it would be the end for you."

What he said gave me a weapon that he didn't think about it. He thought me to afraid to seek my own end in that way, but if I did…it would bring him down to. I smiled inside at the idea, but never on the outside.

The monster had warned me to be well-behaved when his brother and wife would come. He wanted to make a good impression with me, I supposed. I wondered how that could be done when the Fire Nation thought of my people as a weaker people. He told me that they lived on the other family estate on another island. His brother was in the military that stayed to protect their homeland, while Katsu was in the navy. He was on leave he told me, for the moment anyways. I had realized that the monster, for the most part, liked to talk to me about things. He told me about his childhood, how his mother had died giving birth to his younger brother, and how he couldn't remember her. He told me about his father who had passed years ago in his sleep. A military man who had had little to do with his sons during their childhood. They had grown up taught by private tutors on this very estate.

He told me a lot of things, but not everything. He would avoid talking about the war or my people. He avoided talking about anything that might upset me, in his perspective. But his talking about anything made him more human.

I detested him talking to me about anything.

I was sitting in the courtyard in the beginning of my third week there. The courtyard was on the center of the estate, surrounded by four roofed walkways that led into the house. The bricks were red in the courtyard, but there a fountain that had flowing water. There was an ornate stone bench I could sit on. The sky was above me. I liked it the most, even compared to the gardens.

It was one of the few places he thought to look for me. Iwao hovered nearby. I had somehow started to accept that silent shadow. He never talked to me except when need be. That was fine by me. I stared at the water, considering just for a moment to do what I longed most…

"So, you're Rana!" A cheerful voice exclaimed. I looked up to see a woman strolling towards me across the courtyard. She was dressed in clothes quite similar to the ones I now wore. Colored the evil red of course. The woman grinned at me. She was taller than me, but had a petite build to her. Her hair was down without being pulled back at all. A dark brown that was almost a true black. An angular face, young, but not to young with light hazel eyes. She was pretty in a sharper sort of way.

A boy followed her, dressed in a sort of gray and red outfit that looked like a uniform of sorts. He had black hair up in a top-knot and a softer face than the woman. It looked more like…Katsu's. My eyes widened when I saw the boy had the same colored eyes. He looked to only be a couple of years younger than me, around twelve?

"My name is Akane," The woman continued, she pulled a very shocked me into a warm embrace. "We are sister-in-laws! Family!"

I gaped, not knowing how to respond to such…a warm welcome. I kicked the thought away. _All demons, all of them._"Katsu told me you don't like to talk," She said lightly as if it were normal. "This is my son, Ichirou," She said, gesturing towards the boy.

Ichirou gaped right back at me. "Hi," He at last mumbled.

"Ichirou," Akane scolded. "Is that the proper way to greet family?"

"Hi, Aunt Rana," He sputtered out. He didn't look hateful…just shocked. I blinked at the strange sound of…_Aunt Rana…_ It was…

I disliked it of course!

"Now, run along and play in the gardens," Akanesaid firmly, giving him a shove to go. Ichirou scampered off faster than the wind. Akane sat down on the bench, gesturing for me to follow suit which I did. "I have to admit I was shocked when my husband told me what Katsuhas done," She said at last after looking at me for a long moment. "He risked everything to save you. Do you know what would happen if the wrong people found out?"

I shrugged and looked away. She was a forward woman. I...respected that.

"He would lose the estate. We would lose ours. Imprisonment, death, or banishment are the three possibilities," She said matter-of-factly. I felt a strange sensation at her words, but shoved it away. All lies.

"You are quite beautiful, you know."

I looked at her instantly. No one had said that to me at home. Who would have? The monster said it only because…

"And your eyes, I haven't seen blue eyes before," She said with a hint of something else. "Very beautiful."

I looked back at the fountain. "I want you to know, Rana, that I don't hate you," She said quietly. "I don't know anything about your people, but only what I have been taught. It's a strange feeling to befriend you, but…nice. I have no ill will towards you."

I looked her face, only to see genuine honesty. It made me look away again. How could I hate this woman for trying to be kind to what she saw as a new family member?_ But she is one of them…one of the demons…_

I looked back at her anxious face, older than me by many years, and smiled the tiniest bit. It couldn't hurt…just this once…

* * *

Akane, Ichirou, and her husband Masato, Katsu's brother, were to stay only for a week. During that week, Akane spent all of her time with me, even when I did not say one word. She talked to me like the monster did, but I did not mind listening to her. She told me about her home and childhood as younger daughter in a noble family that had little prospect. Akane toldme her whole life story and even talked about the sensitive loss of a beloved son, Renzo. I didn't mean to, but I actually _liked_ her. Ran was kind to me, but she did not talk to me like an equal. She treated me as her superior. Akane…Akane treated me like…Kanna had…

Ichirou was always playing with the several children of servants that dwelt on the estate. In the gardens raising a riot. I had been there to witness a very annoyed Akane handling him. It had reminded me of the children back home. Before the raids when I had been little…I always pushed the thoughts away.

As for Masato, he was always spending time with Katsu; the two were never around me or Akane, except for at dinner. Masato only spoke to be briefly, welcoming me to the family, but ignored me otherwise. I got the impression he didn't like me at all. Fine by me, he looked too much like the monster, except he was shorter and with softer angles.

The last evening before they were to leave, I was walking in the gardens by myself, which is mostly made up of grass, rock trails, bushes, trees, and several ponds. I walked around the corner with Iwao closely behind, only to stop at the sound of voices down the path. They hadn't seen me and I stopped back around the edge when I realized it was _him _and Masato. He always came to bed the last week after I was asleep. Another thing I could live with happily, except if he were to die all together. Their voices could be heard from where I stood and where tight with frustration and anger. It was the mention of my name that had made me stop. Iwao looked at me with cold eyes, but made no gesture to stop me from listening to their private conversation.

"She's a girl, barely older than my son by a few years," Masato's voice argued. "Have you thought of your age difference at all?"

"Rana is my wife!" The monster's voice said angrily.

"You're in denial, Katsu!" Masato asserted frustrated. His voice was lighter than Katsu's deeper one. "She hates your living guts. Get rid of her!"

"I can't," The monster replied densely.

"She will try to kill you, you know," Masato said with a resigned sigh. "She won't ever love you. Have you seen the look in her eyes? She hates all of us."

"You've been telling me this all week," The monster refuted. "I thank you for your concern, brother. But she is _mine_ to deal with." There was that possessiveness in his voice that made my stomach rise.

"You're risking too much for her. She's the enemy, for Agni's sake!" Masato cried. "If this goes bad, it would mean the end for my family and me. Think of us! My son!"

There was a long silence before the monster. "I know," He replied heavily, "And forgive me for not doing right by you."

"So that is it than," Masato said icily. "I'm not pleased," He said tightly, with his words barely controlled. "Don't bother to write for awhile."

"Are you severing all contact with me? The monster asked with…hurt?...Of course not….

"No, you idiot," Masato snapped. "Just don't be expecting hugs and cheerfulness for awhile from me."

"Ah…" Katsu said softly. "You're a good brother."

"And at the moment you're not," Masato hurled back. "Don't bother to say goodbye. I'll write to you when I feel like talking to you."

The sounds of hurried feet came down the path towards me. I did not have the chance to sneak away from the entrance that led to this part of the gardens. I looked over at Iwao in panic. His usually placid face, I swore, had a hint of smugness on it. Masato walked right in front of me as I looked up at him.

"Rana," He said annoyed. There was pain in his eyes and resentment. Had I been the cause of that? _…Demons…all of…_"I don't blame you," He said roughly. "I know you listened. Katsu and I argue all the time, so don't get hopeful about me trying to end him or anything."

He knew me better than the monster did.

He smiled knowingly at my face. "Well, goodbye for now." He nodded at Iwao and me and left without another word. I thought of their exchange, but one thing hit me the most out of all it, something that hadn't occurred to me. Age difference.

* * *

Akane dropped by the bedroom to say goodbye to me with Ichirou. She hugged me, much to my chagrin and promised to write me. "You don't talk," She had said, "But you can write to me." I hadn't thought about that one before. Ichirou had mumbled a goodbye with a blushing face. I didn't see Masato again.

That following evening I sat in the dining room, on the low cushions in front of the low table. The room had the dark red wood that seemed to be the constant theme for the house. Banners of old family portraits hung on the walls. Torchlight casted dancing shadows in the room from the sides. I sat across from Katsu. We dined alone once again for the first time in a week. Usually I took the other meals of the day by myself, unless he felt the need to eat with me. We always had dinner together though. They passed in silence or with him talking. The Fire Nation venue I had grown more used to, but the spicy flavors could be hard to deal with.

Tonight was one of the silent meals. Katsu set his bowl down with a large slam that made me jump in surprise. I stared at him appalled. He was usually a man who controlled himself I had begun to realize. Not prone to emotional outbursts, though he was still monster. "Rana, I'm sick of this," He began. "Can't you talk to me?"

I looked down at the rice before me and took another bite merrily.

"I'm leaving tomorrow, would you care to know that?" He said with a fair touch of bitterness. I looked at him, hiding my surprise at the intense emotion in his voice and in his face. "I will be gone on a tour for three months." He must mean with the Southern Raiders. He was their leader after all. _Monsters…! I hate them!_

"It will be my first patrol by the Earth Kingdom in awhile, but it isn't a dangerous assignment," He went on, "Though I'm sure you're hoping it is." He paused and added icily, "I'm no longer a commander of my own fleet, because I requested a change of assignment."

_What about the Southern Raiders though? Why would he that?_Had he done it…No, they have no souls. "I'm not expecting a tearful goodbye, but a word from you would be nice," Katsu continued quietly. There was a hint of something…something that…

I shook my head.

"Fine," He muttered. I looked at him carefully, noticing lines on his face I hadn't cared to notice before. Masato had talked of an age difference. How much older was he than me? Why did he hold me here as a prisoner? Why not just let me die as I had wanted!

"How old are you?" I asked. My voice came out weak and rusty from weeks of silence. I looked at him with hesitatingly. Katsu looked at me with marveled shock on his face.

A smile slowly spread on his face that made me shift about uncomfortably. "Do you really want to know?" He asked and then paused. "Forget that, you do, why else would you have…I'm older than you to be sure."

That had not answered my question! Moon spirit, curse him! "How old are you?" He asked boldly. "You never did tell me."

"Why should I answer you?" I rebutted, "When you didn't tell me to begin with?" Katsu raised his eyebrows.

"Agni, I did miss this," He said with laughter. "Fine. I am over thirty, pleased?"

I had thought perhaps late twenties. He seemed ageless to me, but over thirty? He truly was a sick monster! Revolting! I looked at him and smiled sweetly. Perhaps it would bother him to. "Not even sixteen."

Katsu's face tightened and his eyes grew dark. His hands curled into fists I noticed. There was an eternal minute of silence that didn't seem to end. "Rana…" He began with amassing difficulty, "I…I had thought you to be older. If I had known…"

"Would it have made any difference?" I spat.

"Yes!" He snarled in return. "Of course, but what has been done cannot be…you're my wife now. That cannot be undone!"

"Let me go than, kill me!" I yelled with a voice that at long last let out my bottled feelings. "Anything is better than being a prisoner in such a fake lie!"

Katsu looked at me with a shadowed expression I had not seen before. "That's not possible," He replied with a tired voice. "I'm not letting you go. No matter what."

* * *

A/N: Newest chapter! Please review and thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 6: Change

Chapter Six:

Change

* * *

"_We change, whether we like it or not."_ –Ralph Waldo

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

Katsu did leave for his tour. Those three months crawled by like no other. I had no company and the monster had been the only person who had socialized with me. Several weeks after he had left, Ran had come chasing after myself and Iwao in the gardens. "My lady," She said excited with their strange bow, "I have a letter for you!" She beamed at me and handed it to me with a confidant smile. I took it from her silently. There was a habit of not talking much still now. I hadn't said goodbye to the monster when he had left that morning.

I opened it and looked at the symbols that were supposed to mean something. I looked back at Ran, who still looked pleased for me. Iwao watched me with stony eyes as always. For the first time, I spoke to Ran. "Thanks Ran," I said quietly. She bowed with a smile and left. The first time I had thanked her…

"You only did that so she wouldn't know," Iwao said placidly. "My lady."

I looked at him questioningly.

"You can't read," He stated. How did he know that…? My people did have scrolls, or had used to. Before the raids, so much had been lost…and no one had the time or had thought to teach me how to read. Iwao read my face as if were an open scroll. This was the first time in…I couldn't even recall the last time he had spoken to me. He was a silent shadow. "If you knew how to read, my lady, you would be spending your time in Lord Katsu's study. Instead of wandering about in boredom these days."

I had seen the room with books before. Yet it had had the monster's touch in the room and I had avoided it. The monster spent a lot of time in there. He was gone now and the days were so…endless…

I looked at Iwao sharply. "Could you teach me to read?" I asked.

"No, of course not, my lady," He refuted politely. "That is highly improper, but a tutor could be found for you. It is about time you learned our ways anyways."

I laughed loudly at his last words. "I don't care to _learn your ways_."

"I know," Iwao responded. His face held no expression, but there was a flinty look in his eyes. "I will find one for you. That is what his lordship would want."

I snorted, but looked at him seriously. "Could you read this to me?" I asked carefully, handing the scroll over to him.

He took it and opened it without a word. "It's from the Lady Akane," He began stiffly. "I will read her words to you." His eyes looked over the scroll as he began. "Dearest sister Rana, didn't I tell you I would write? Masato told me Katsu left for a tour! You must be bored or relieved? Care to write back and tell me? From your newest sister, Akane." He stopped and folded the scroll back up and handed it to me.

I did something against my better judgment, by… "Could you write a letter for me?" I asked him, "Until I learn how to myself?"

Iwao looked at me without blinking, but there just might have been a shadow of smile there. "Yes, I can, my lady."

* * *

Later that coming week, a tutor was hired for me, found through Iwao, I supposed. The tutor was only a young man, instead of some of old grandfather; I was surprised to find out myself on our first meeting…

Iwao led me to the door that led to the monster's study. He titled his head towards the open door. I pulled aside the curtain and went inside. Straight ahead of me two windows, long in length, let the morning sunlight pour in. Through the windows, the garden was visible. In front of the windows, sat a low table with seating cushions. The other three walls of the room are lined with shelves that are stacked with scrolls and a few other items. The dark wood floor is covered by a rug that is decorated with some sort of battle scene on it. A man stood in front of the low table and gave me their peculiar bow. "Lady Rana," He greeted me politely. His voice was soft, almost like a summer breeze. I nodded at him. He had their usual dress and hair in a top-knot, except his was a lighter shade of brown. Grey eyes looked at me from a softer face. He had this look about him that spoke of a scholar, not a fighter. "My name is Satoru, my lady," He continued. "Shall we start your lesson?"

I nodded and went to sit down on of the cushions. Satoru sat across from me. I knew Iwao was right outside of the door. "So, I have been told you don't how to read or write?" Satoru inquired with a graceful smile. I looked at his face with distrust. "I was also told I should instruct you on a basic education for a noble lady."

I scoffed at that. "I don't need any education to be a lady," I snapped. "I only want to learn how to read and write."

Satoru merely smiled in understanding. "Did you know that I was made to take an oath of silence, for I was told of your background," He mused. "I will teach you what I have been asked to teach you, but you might enjoy it. History, music, etiquette? You might find it useful in a nation that's foreign to you."

I paused at his words, taking them in. I scowled for he was right. I could use whatever I learned from him to escape when the time came. Perhaps I could even get to look at maps with him…

"Alright," I consented. "You're the teacher after all."

Satoru was a younger son who had decided to take the path of being a teacher, mostly a tutor to noble families who wanted their children to have a private education. He himself was only a commoner I found out, albeit from a rather wealthy one, according to him at least. Learning to read and write came to me rather quickly over the weeks, as if I had started to learn it once, long ago. As for the other subjects…they were more of a pain, especially etiquette. I learned the ways of the nobility and their Fire Nation court, cumbersome as it was. Etiquette I found is a broad definition from those things to basic manners at the table. I started to learn parts of their history, while Satoru attempted to have me learn some stringed instrument they call an "erhu." But my favorite thing to do was to read, especially several of the scrolls the monster had. Fire Nation poetry is actually quite beautiful. Strange that these monsters can create such beautiful things.

I kept exchanging letters with Akane, which always brightened my day. I had even started to write some of the letters myself. Akane talked about her family and what she would be doing, always asking me what I was doing. I did not have a lot to write about in return. The monster I did not hear from, even after it had almost been two months since his departure.

Ran always prepared me in the morning for the day and usually at night to undress. I still find this a weird thing. Iwao was constantly by my side or near me, never giving me at opportunity to even think about escaping. Ran was a kind woman, who would talk to me, even if I barely spoke to her. She did not try to get me to wear their emblem in my hair anymore at least. One morning as she did my hair, I heard her sigh. "You have such lovely skin, my lady."

I turned my head to look at her. She winked at me. "Mine just burns up in the sun, but I'm sure yours does not, especially with your darker coloring."

"I suppose everyone here is pale," I muttered…_demons…_

"No, no," Ran replied merrily. "I have seen some with a tan color, but not one with your color or…."

"What?" I asked.

"Your eyes, my lady," She replied. "Blue eyes are not seen around here."

* * *

One day I was wandering around the house, bored from a lack of lessons and nothing to do. Iwao followed me as always. Sweat fell down my forehead. I hated the heat here! I was exploring a part of the house I had not cared to venture around before, near the servants quarters and storage areas. I pulled aside one of the curtains that led to a small room that was bland with no decoration or windows. There were only a few trunks in there and pieces of furniture that were…feminine and expensive looking. Iwao stood at the doorway, looking at me with a cold expression he always held. "Can you grab a torch from the hallway?" I asked.

Iwao held up his hand and created a ball of fire that lit up the small room. I could see the dust in the light that covered the items, but I lurched back from Iwao.

…_.Screams….the smell of burnt flesh…the cries of an infant from the tent….my mother lying in the snow…half her face was gone…afraid!...the fire will eat me…_

"Put it out," I rasped, "Now!"

Iwao closed his fist and the fire disappeared. "Are you alright, my lady?"

"Fine," I said, "Just grab a torch instead." He did not say another word as he did as I asked.

It was pure boredom and curiosity that made me open the first of those trunks. Dust covered everything in the storage room, as if it had been avoided for years. Inside of the first trunk, I found a lady's clothes and personal items. Had the monster had a sister once? Had they been his mothers? In the second trunk I would find the answer. It was full of papers and several scrolls, but the most interesting were the paintings. There were two. One was a small hanging that had a young man standing beside a young woman who sat on low stool. The man was young, only in his early twenties at best, with a kind smile on his face. It….it was the monster!

I looked at the young woman who seemed to be near the same age. She looked exactly like a little Fire Nation lady; pale skin, dark hair that was only partially bound and golden eyes that in the portrait seemed to be laughing. She was so fragile looking….

I shook my head and looked at the last painting, a hanging that larger in size. It showed the same woman, but much more breakable looking somehow; as if she were ill…She sat with a toddler in her arms, no more than a baby…a little child…

Was this…this the monster's wife? His child? What had happened to them? I shut the trunk instantly. These were all of her things! All of her things had been put into some storage room to be forgotten! I looked over at Iwao who held the torch. I flinched at the sight of it. "Put it out," I said quietly. He did so.

"Did you know about this?" I asked, gesturing around the room.

"No, my lady," He replied calmly.

I walked out of the room in a hurry to find the one person I knew who might. Ran.

I found her in a workroom working on sewing something I did not care to find out what. One of the other servants had directed me towards her. She stood up and bowed with a smile.

"Did you know about her?" I spat.

"About whom?" Ran asked with a confused look. "My lady."

"That woman…his wife!" I snapped. "I found the storage room with all of her things!"

Ran's cheerful face disappeared, replaced by a look of old hurt. "So…you know," She said in a hushed tone. "I guess…"

She paused and looked at her hands. "She was his lord's wife and my mistress until she died."

"She died?" I repeated. "How?"

Ran looked at me with pained eyes. "She was such a small thing like you, always full of life, but after the baby was born…she just got sicker and sicker."

"The baby?" I asked, and then remembered the toddler in the painting. "She had a son?"

"A daughter," Ran corrected me with a mournful expression. "She died got sick when she was two, only months after…" She halted and let out a deep breath. "Lord Katsu will not be happy with me telling you this."

"I found out my own!" I argued. "Besides, what does it matter to him?"

Ran looked away from me.

"What was her name?" I continued. "His wife and their daughter?"

"Masuzu," Ran answered me. She put a hand to her face to hide her expression. "She named their daughter Katsue, after Lord Katsu."

I nodded and left Ran instantly. He had been married before and had a child…that monster…I would not, could not, feel pity for him! He was a monster….right?

That night I dreamed of a crying toddler, a baby with those light golden eyes, and a pale-skinned woman who smiled at me sadly. She had not said a word, but just stared at me with golden eyes as if she knew….

* * *

A/N: Sorry for the lack of updating and the shortness of this chapter, but school does come first! Thanks for reading and please review.


	8. Chapter 7: Empathy

Chapter Seven:

Empathy

* * *

"_The great gift of humans is that we have the power of empathy."_–Meryl Streep

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

_To my dear sister Rana,_

_I must say that the content in your last letter is the first time you expressed anything about yourself in so long. Yes, I did know Masuzu for we had been close as blood sisters. Did Katsu tell you about her finally? Her passing away and then little Katsue's is what changed everything. Even now I remember them sadly. He was never the same after that. Yet your being there has brought life back to that home. Katsu has spent over the last decade away from home and us for the most part in the navy. He is coming home within a month, is he not? Write back soon. _

_From your concerned sister, Akane_

I read the letter with shaking hands and carefully for reading was still a difficult thing for me. I had written to Akane a week ago after I had found out about the monster's secret. In the dining room, there hung family portraits on the cloth banners, but I had not observed them truly before. I had gone to check them for the image of the woman and child I had found in that storage room, but could not find a trace of them. Everything relating to them had been packed away and hidden from sight.

The monster was to return from his tour in a month. I had asked Akane about his previous wife and child out of curiosity for Ran would not talk to me anymore about it. I set the letter down on the bed beside me where I sat. I was in the bedroom and stared blankly at the wall before me. Somehow I could not seem to be able to process the fact that the monster had been married and had had a daughter. It made him…to human…

And in that portrait with her, years ago, he had been _happy_.

Akane had written in her letter as if I could hear her cheerful voice with a touch of sorrow explaining to me everything. I shuddered. This was becoming to…I needed to get out of here. And soon. I wrote to Akane as I usually did, ignoring the content of her last letter.

Iwao is like one of those constant annoying biting bugs that they have here in the Fire Nation that come out in the evening. They will follow you around and never leave you alone. Escape from this place with that man around is impossible. Over the next several weeks I would try to find ways to escape, finding road to scale down the wall or just going right out the door. To put it simply each attempt was foiled without any effort on his part. He had an easier time catching me than the monster did.

* * *

My lessons with Satoru continued. We were in the study, sitting near the table, as I attempted to play the erhu. Iwao was hovering out in the hallway I was sure. I grimaced as I struck a wrong chord. My hands were too clumsy with this stupid instrument! Satoru's grey eyes looked at me with kind consideration. "Don't try so hard, Lady Rana," He advised, "Just go with it."

Satoru was professional to his role, but I had found myself able to relax around him. He is a scholar, not a warrior, and less threatening than most of these barbaric people. I scowled and set the instrument aside carelessly. "I really hate that instrument," I muttered.

"I know," Saturou replied. I looked at his calm expression. He sat to the right of me on another side of the table. "But music is essential; didn't you have instruments where you are from?"

I looked at him surprised. He not once asked me of about home. Or anything like that before. "Uh…yes, but not like this," I said hesitantly, gesturing towards the erhu that laid on the ground beside me.

Satoru's face was thoughtful. "I'm not surprised by that, but I'm guessing you didn't play any instruments there either."

"No," I answered, "Not many do these days because…" I stopped and looked away. Sometimes from what I had heard from Akane, Ran, and even Iwao showed me that these people had very little idea of what was going on outside of the Fire Nation. They knew _of_ the war, but did not _know_ war. Not like I did or any child from my home.

"Lady Rana?"

I looked back at Satoru's wondering face. "It's nothing," I responded.

"It's the war, isn't it?" He asked. I searched his eyes, but found nothing but genuine honesty.

"Yes," I answered. I started to mess with the fringes of the pillow I sat on. Somehow it did not feel right to talk to Satoru about this; it felt too personal in a way…he was innocent of war…

_No, they are all demons! They all support this war which is destroying my people!_

"War is not a good thing, I think," Satoru said thoughtfully. I did not look at him, but my eyes widened at his words. "I don't really know what it's like, but I do know the damage it has done here. Yet who am I to judge the affairs of the Fire Lord?" He ended with a note of finality. Satoru gave me a considerate smile. "I'm sorry, Lady Rana, let's get back to your lesson."

The rest of the lesson passed as usual. Yet his words echoed in my ears, for I had never dreamed at them coming from one of _them_…._ "War is not a good thing"…._

* * *

Several days later, I was sitting in the study, reading a poem from a scroll of poems I had come to like.

_A Fire Lily_

_Fire in ocean eyes_

_Weep not Lady Mine_

My eyes gaped at this newest poem I had read. What kind of poem was this?

"You like poetry?" A voice asked, intruding upon the silence. A shiver slithered down the back of my neck as I immediately recognized _that _voice. I looked up to see him standing at the doorway. He was dressed in their stiff uniforms, making him appear more massive and threatening. He looked exactly the same, except for a look in his eyes I could not understand. I set the scroll onto the table in front of me silently. Katsu strode over and settled down onto a cushion across from the table. Even sitting down, he still towered over me.

He reached across the table, grabbing the scroll as I resisted the urge to flinch. The paper rustled as his eyes skimmed it as he read it. The corners of his lips tugged upwards as he set the scroll down. "Do you like these poems?" He asked softly, looking at me with subtle amusement.

There was a rock in my throat, but I managed to whisper, "Yes."

Katsu patted the scroll with his large, callused hand. "I wrote these poems," He announced with a touch of pride.

I gaped at him.

He had wrote those poems?! Many of them were…good!...And that last one… "ocean eyes"…

…_Ocean spirit…._

"Rana?" Katsu prodded. I looked down at my hands, which I noticed were clenching my clothes at my side. "Iwao had written to me about your tutor," Katsu went on with…something in his voice… "I'm sorry, I should have thought of that myself. Clearly you know how to read well now. Why didn't you write to me? I know Akane and you correspond."

…_Write to him?..._

That was all he had to say to me?

I let out a harsh laugh. "A letter to you would be a waste of ink," I declared coldly. I glanced up at Katsu's face which had darkened. He stood up and stormed out of the room without a word.

* * *

I stayed in the study for awhile. The feelings of anger, hatred, and confusion coursed through me. What was wrong with me? Eventually I headed for the bedroom and walked precariously inside, praying that he was not there.

A gasp escaped from me as I looked at the demolished room. Everything was strewn about, the furniture turned about, and one of the windows was shattered. Iwao was outside in the hallway as always. I heard his quick footsteps as he came into the room behind me. "Lady Rana, are you alright?" He inquired sharply.

"Leave the room," Katsu ordered menacingly. My eyes went straight to him as he came from out of the little room that I used for bathing. I looked back at Iwao with a look in my eyes that begged for me to not be left alone. Iwao looked at me with a bland expression, bowed towards Katsu, and walked out of the room shutting the door behind him.

I looked over at Katsu and felt the fear flow in me. My heart thudded against my ribcage. I had seen him angry before caused by me on purpose, but not like this. Katsu stared at me distempered face. There was a long silence as we both stared at each other. The atmosphere was tense, waiting for a moment to be released. Katsu broke it first.

"Why do you hate me so much?" He challenged me with flashing eyes. "I took you away from the war to a place of peace! You have good clothes and never have to be afraid of hunger! I have given you a good life!"

The furious rage leapt fourth from me, finally coming forth and bringing the fear down. "You took me from my home!" I yelled vehemently. "Of course I hate you! All of you! For no reason, you people kill and make war…you steal fathers, kill mothers, and innocent children! I hate you…all of you…" I finished weakly as I ran out of breath. My face was flushed from yelling at him.

Katsu looked at me strangely. He paused and then said calmly with a touch of urgency. "I was raised in a nation that has been at war for years. I cannot help being what my people made me," The anger had lessened on his face. "I do what I supposed to do."

"The war is wrong!" I protested. "How could you just go along with it?"

Katsu looked away from me before he looked back at me determined. "I saved you from the war and the prisons. Who did you lose to make you incapable of understanding?"

My eyes bored at him with disbelief and shock. Before I could stop myself the words fell out from my lips, "They took him…my father, like you did!" I spat, "And my mother died when a soldier blasted her down with fire, and my…" I stopped and pushed away those memories.

…_The cry of a young child….burning smoke…burnt flesh stinging the air…_

Katsu gave me an odd look. "What where their names?"

"Madoka was my father," I replied bitterly, "And my mother was Yamiko."

"Were either waterbenders?"

"My father," I admitted grudgingly. Why was I telling him this? My eyes slanted in my remembered anger as I seethed at him. "Don't try to understand because you can't!" I snapped. "Stop trying to relate to me!"

Katsu looked at me with a raised eyebrow and scoffed at me. "You think I can't understand at all? Everyone has lost someone, Rana. I know war as you do and I know loss."

It came to me than…_his wife and child…He had smiled in that small wall hanging with her._

"I know about your wife and child," I told him tauntingly. "I found the room with all of her things."

Katsu looked at me with a shadow returning to his face. "Get out of here, Rana," He ordered. "Just leave."

I looked at his troubled face and walked out without saying a thing. Relief settled onto me, but also a strange feeling that I should have stayed. It was a feeling I pushed away.

* * *

A/N: Sorry for the lack of updates and for such a short chapter. School keeps one busy you know. Thanks for reading and please review!


	9. Chapter 8: Unforgiveable

Chapter Eight:

Unforgiveable

* * *

"_Let go. Why do you cling to pain? There is nothing you can do about the wrongs of yesterday. It is not yours to judge. Why hold on to the very thing which keeps you from hope and love?"  
_-Leo Buscaglia

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

I swiftly walked past Iwao who followed behind me without a word. What had just happened? I shook my head. He had told me to _leave_. I was going to do just that and happily! This was it, finally! I quickly attempted to form a plan in my head, but most of it was half-planned. I traversed into the inner courtyard with the fountain I had come to like. The sky overhead was blue with a shining sun. I looked back over at Iwao who watched me with a blank gaze. Was I capable of it? I had not done it in so long, but I needed to get rid of him. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

Then I moved.

A stream of water came out of the fountain in a whip like form and smacked Iwao on the head, knocking him the ground. I stood ready, breathing deeply, in case he stood back up. He did not. I had almost expected him to stop me like he always somehow did. Had I truly caught him off guard? I did not stop to consider it as I fled the scene.

I cautiously approached one of the gates on the wall that would lead me to my freedom. There was only one man guarding the gate. He tilted his head towards me. I recognized the middle-aged man for he was the one who always had the spear at his side. "Please help!" I said frantically, rushing up towards to him.

"What is it, Lady Rana?" He asked hurriedly.

"My guard, Iwao, he just passed out in the inner courtyard!" I rambled with false panic. "He won't wake up!"

"Of course, Lady Rana!" He answered positively. He walked past me briskly.

I almost dropped my jaw. It was that easy? He was really that stupid and trusting of me? I should have done this before! It took me a bit of difficulty to open the large door, but I stepped outside free onto the dirt road for the first time in months.

The country before me was green, rolling hills that started out as a flat, grassy plain. I did not look back once as I started to run.

* * *

Only an hour later, I was walking up a grassy hillside with heavy breathes. This heat is impossible! I shrugged off my outer robe, letting it drop into a pool of red on the green grass. I had ditched the road for it would be way too easy to find me there. Yet now I was lost. I stood up on the hillside and looked around to see more hills, but saw a glimmer of the blue ocean to the right of me in the distance. Would it be better to follow the beach line until I encountered a village with boats? What kind of story would I make up?

I pushed away those thoughts until the problem would come. For now, I headed towards the ocean with tired breathing. Living the easy life had made me weak. Eventually my eyes were able to see the entire vast ocean before me and the soft sand of the beach as I strode down the very last hillside. The sand was already in my shoes for the grass had begun to disappear into only small patches here and there. There were pieces of driftwood and small rocks about in the sand. I had been able to hear the soft cries of the ocean from his home, but I had not been able to see it truly since he had brought me here. Even though I was exhausted, I smiled in joy at the view of the ocean. It was just as it had been at….

The water was lighter here; at home it had been so dark usually, like a cloudy night. I did not think or care as I kicked my shoes off and walked into the water to my ankles. The water was soft and comforting around my feet as the waves came in and out. I closed my eyes and breathed deep, taking in the smell of the beloved ocean. I would only get hints of that smell if I walked along the wall that had held me inside there for months.

I opened my eyes at the sound of something large and fast coming towards me. Up on the hillside above the beach were two figures on those strange horned, riding creatures that he had brought me on that first time. I recognized one of them immediately for it was impossible to mistake the outline of _him_.

…_No…_

I knew his eyes must be burning at me, even from this distance I could feel them. I thought to run, but knew it would be futile. Just as it had been the first time. At the least I could fight, this time not with my words, for was I not surrounded by my own element? The beasts thudded loudly as they came down the hill. Katsu dismounted meters away from me and the other man, a guard from his home, also dismounted. Katsu held up his hand in a gesture to stop towards the guard who remained by the beasts.

Katsu stalked over towards me like a predator. His golden eyes were flinty and his jaw set determined. He approached me cautiously at the same time, keeping a distance between us before he finally spoke. "I told you to not run away," He accused in a low rumble.

"You told me to leave!" I exclaimed back. "I was happy, no, rejoicing to do that!"

"Come here, Rana," Katsu ordered, he extended a hand towards me.

I laughed darkly. I am not trained and I had not practiced for months, but somehow I was able to manage to send a wave of water at him that was larger than any I had made. It knocked me over to the ground and left me sputtering from the salt water that was in my mouth. My clothes were soaked. I looked up to see where Katsu had gone, only to see him standing above me, completely dry.

"Did you really think you could fight me?" He drawled. He shook his head as he grabbed my shoulders and raised me to my feet as if I were a doll.

I glared daggers at him.

Katsu ignored my eyes as he touched a piece of my wet hair, brushing it away from my face. I slapped his hand away, taking a step back. His face had a fleeting look cross it I did not understand, before he closed his face off with a mask of anger he had had before. He reached towards me as I went to run away from his grasp, but his hold was like iron as he scooped me up into his arms and carried me like a child to his mount. I was too tired by this point to even try to fight him and besides, would it not be useless as it had proven to be before?

He settled me in front of him with his arms surrounding me like walls as he held the leather strips that were hooked in some sort of device that controlled the creature from its head. I could only lean against him in exhaustion, hearing his pounding heart from his chest as I drifted off to sleep.

* * *

I woke up in the bedroom and changed from the outfit I had been wearing before into the night robe I slept in. It was dusk out with the moon just beginning to come out. Only a half moon, but I could feel the slight tingling go through me as I gazed through the window. _Moon Spirit…why do my prayers go unanswered?_

The moonlight was beginning to set a silver glow through the windows. Stars were beginning to twinkle in a dark purple sky. I leaned my forehead against the glass, feeling its coldness against my warm forehead with closed eyes.

"_Look at the moon, Rana," A warm, masculine voice echoed in my mind fondly. "The Moon Spirit, along with the Ocean Spirit, are the protectors of our people. She shines beautifully tonight." Those blue eyes…the same as my eyes…had looked at me with love…so long ago…_

_It was for the first time here, when I used a true glass mirror, that I had seen that my eyes were his eyes…_

…_.Father…._

I heard the door open and shut behind me. He was behind me. I did not move or open my eyes, but kept feeling the cool surface of the glass upon my skin. My hair fell around my face like a curtain, even further shielding me for it was completely down. His hand brush my hair and his warm presence was behind me. "You really are beautiful, Rana," He whispered lowly. A shiver went through me and something fluttered in my stomach. It was not exactly fear, but what…?

His hand grasped my shoulder, turning me around. I did not look up at him. A hand touched my chin, forcing me to look up at him. His light golden eyes, so clear, glowed like an animal's in the darkness. I could make out the outline of his face, but nothing more. The same hand brushed my bottom lip, surprisingly gentle. I went to jerk away from him, but his other hand wrapped around my lower back, pulling me closer to him.

I could feel his warm breath on my face. "Let go of me," I demanded quietly.

Katsu chuckled smoothly. "I don't want to," He murmured at me, "And I don't think you want me to either." His hand on my face brushed aside the locks of hair that covered my face.

I opened my mouth to argue, but his lips were suddenly crashing down on mine. He had kissed me that one time before, but it had not been urgent or demanding as it was this time. I could not believe that the first time I was kissed by was one of _them_. Some things I knew from what Kanna and my mother had told m e, but what was this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach? A warm, floating feeling that…Wait, I was letting him kiss me! I squirmed in his arms, causing him to stop.

"What's wrong?" He asked roughly, his mouth hovered above my lips.

"This," I replied weakly, "Because _I hate you_."

Katsu lifted his face away from mine and he pushed me onto the bed roughly. I landed on the bed in shock and he was on top of me before I could recover. He did not crush me with his body, but held my arms at my side as I struggled by using his weight. His other hand touched my cheek gently, contrary to his other movements. "It would be this easy," He whispered. "But luckily for you, I am not into forcing a woman." Katsu rolled over beside me and sat at the edge of the bed.

I laid were I was breathing heavily. My body shook.

"You are my wife Rana," He continued. "I have waited for months. It is right for us to do this. Am I that revolting to you? Or is it just your innocence you want to protect?" He stood up from the bed and walked towards the doorway. "Go to bed. When I come back, I won't disturb you." I heard the door open and close as he left.

What had just happened?

I….I…

My body trembled, but not entirely or only out of fear. Would it be so…? I knew what it was and though I hated it, we were _married_. He had every right in his own thinking, not that I agreed at all! Yet how else could I escape this? What if…a plan started to form in my mind, just an inkling, which could be the way that could lead to my eventual freedom.

* * *

When I woke up the next morning, I could tell that he had been there from the displacement of the blankets. He had left before I had woken and had not disturbed me at all during the night. Ran came to help me in the mornings as she always did with her polite conversation and mine very little in response. When I was ready to leave the bedroom, I heard a knock on the door. _Who?..._

I opened the door, surprised and with a bit of guilt to see Iwao standing before me. He gave me their unusual bow. "May I enter, Lady Rana?" He inquired in his monotone voice. I looked at his face for any anger, but found none. His golden eyes were cold, as if he had never known what friendship and love were. I had always wondered a little about this man who had guarded me for months. I literally knew nothing about him, but I had not cared before.

I looked away embarrassed for I had knocked him off of his feet the last time I had seen him. "Yes," I responded. He entered the room and I closed the door. When I turned around to face him, he was looking at me critically.

"Yesterday I failed to prevent for your escape," Iwao began unexpectedly, "For my failure Katsu has dismissed any more future usage of my services. I have to come to take my leave of you."

"What?" I responded shocked. "You're…you're leaving?"

"Yes."

_I could not believe it. Like it or not, I had grown used to having him by my side all this time. It would be…weird without him around. Who else would be there to stop me every time I tried to escape?_

"I…don't know what to say," I replied carefully. I looked at this forbidding man who, in a way, I had come to trust. He would have protected me in any situation, even from some of my more stupid escape plans that could have gotten me hurt. "I'd say sorry, but you know I'm not," I added with a small smile.

Iwao looked away from me, hiding whatever expression may have been on his face. "I know you're not," He affirmed thinly, "And neither am I, Lady Rana. Did you think that I would not expect that or that it would take a little water to knock me out?"

Somehow I was not entirely surprised by this. I had wondered at the time briefly and marveled over the fact that it had seemed so easy to catch him off guard like that. "I did wonder," I mused. "Why did you let me run?"

Iwao looked back at me with a firm face. "Because you don't deserve this," He declared boldly and for the first time with expression in his voice. "I have guarded you for months. You never really give up. I am tired of your constant efforts; let his lordship deal with it if he wants you this badly."

I stared at Iwao, knowing the meaning of his words beyond what was said. He showed himself for the first time, but was still guarded and masked beyond my knowing. I bowed my head and smiled. "I understand," I murmured. "It was time for you to get going anyways."

Iwao nodded. "I was never the type to stay with one charge for too long," He confirmed withdrawn. Iwao had returned back to his normal self. "May Agni guide you, Lady Rana," He said politely with their weird bow.

A tight smile grew on my lips. "I don't follow Agni, but thank you," I replied briskly. "Goodbye, Iwao." He nodded and left without another word, shutting the door behind himself with an ominous creak.

Iwao was gone now. I pondered on what _he_ was planning. Another bodyguard perhaps? Last night the seedling of a plan had been planted in my mind. All of my attempts to escape had failed because the monster had expected them. Yet what if he were to trust me? What if he did not think I would run away?

If I could get him to _love_ me, therefore trusting me, I would have the freedom and opportunity to run. I knew this would take a long time. I would have to be patient and pretend, but it would lead to _my freedom_. Even though he was one of _them_, I had learned that though they were the enemy, they were human just as I am. _Akane…Iwao…Satoru….Ichirou…Ran…_As much as I hate to admit that of course.

I wandered into the inner courtyard, feeling slightly alone without Iwao there to trail me. Before today, I would have tried to run if left alone like this. But I knew that he would come after me like yesterday. If I wanted to be _free_, I needed to be cleverer and have a plan. It would take time, careful planning, but also opportunity.

The sky above had white clouds floating about listlessly. The sun had already moved past the visible patch of blue sky. I sat down at the stone bench, listening to the flowing water of the fountain. It always helped to soothe me. I closed my eyes...

"_Rana, you have to be careful. You can't go around waterbending!" A woman told me sternly. I sat in her lap, looking up at my mother's dark face with the eyes of an eight year old child. "It's not safe." Her light blue eyes, the color of the sky, were filled with shadows and pain. My mother's face was soft. A pretty face in a softer way. Kanna told me I looked like her, except for my eyes. _

"_Will they take me like they did dad?" I asked fearfully. _

"_Yes," She replied mournfully. "That is why you must promise not to waterbend."_

"_But…" I began to protest._

"_Just promise me, Rana!" She pleaded with frightened eyes._

"_I promise, mom."_

I had broken that promise. I would sneak off to practice, but they had found me. If only…if only I had kept my promise! I opened my eyes at the sound...

"Rana," Katsu greeted me in his deep voice. He stood under the eaves across the courtyard, stepping down the steps onto the courtyard. Katsu was dressed in matching black pants and a long-sleeves shirt. He had on an over robe of black, lined with a golden color, on his outer robe. The black color of his outfit made his golden eyes more prominent. This was a new outfit I had not seen before.

My hand went to my chest, feeling the necklace underneath my clothes. I did not know why I wore it when he had had it made for me. Yet it was _blue, my color! _"You had Iwao leave," I said tersely, "He said goodbye to me."

Katsu halted several feet before me with a look on his face I did not catch, before it turned to a taciturn expression. "It was time for him to go," He replied shortly. Katsu took a step towards me and sat down on the bench next to me. I pushed away the instinct to move away from him. He was so large compared to me, making me feel like a bug he could squash with ease.

There was a silence, but I could not take it anymore! "Aren't you going to try to punish me or something?" I accused him abruptly. I had expected him to be furious, but he was acting as if nothing had happened? The bedroom was back in order now and the window that had been destroyed covered temporarily for now. He had ruined the room after the fight in the study. I knew he had a temper, even if he did keep it in check most of the time.

Katsu looked at me with a grimly, amused expression. "Don't you like it that I am not?" He asked jadedly. Katsu looked at me and snorted. "No, you only expect the worse."

I looked away from him.

"I have a proposal for you, Rana."

"What is it?" I questioned him suspiciously. I looked back at him. His skin was so white, like…

"You must promise me to never try to run away. Ever," Katsu declared boldly with flashing eyes.

"Why would I ever do that?" I taunted harshly. "I'm not that insane yet!" My plan was failing so far, I had to try to be…_nice…_

"Because," Katsu amended, "I can take you to see your father."

* * *

A/N:Well, I finally did a longer chapter. Thanks for reading and please review! I would like to remind everyone that this is a prequel to my main OC story that is completed. That story is about Rana's granddaughter, called Some Distant Day. Go check it out!


	10. Chapter 9: Goodbye

Chapter Nine:

Goodbye

* * *

"_A goodbye isn't painful unless you're never going to say hello again."_ -Author Unknown

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

I could only stare at him in complete and utter shock. _My father…?_

_The eyes that I have shined merrily at me from a dark face I can barely recall. "Rana!" He greeted me warmly, picking me up and swinging me about with strong arms. I giggled as he held me with love. "My little waterbender," He teased. _

"_I love you, dad!" I squealed gleefully._

_A smile broke onto that blurry face. "And I love you," He returned. "You'll always be my little girl."_

My whole body became numb as I clenched the side of the stone bench. "How?" I began to whisper. "How…?"

Katsu looked at me with a tense face. "You told me his name," He explained casually. "It wasn't too hard to have his name found in the prison registrar."

_I could see him…my father…_

_But the price would be…_

"Rana?" He said in a hushed tone. I looked at his pale, yellow eyes that analyzed me impatiently.

"Why?" I implored him bitterly. "Why are you doing this?" Katsu raised a hand and touched my cheek. I did not move.

"Because," He replied lightly. "I know what it is like to lose someone."

"You're going to help me save him," I said applaud. "Who would have guessed you, Fire Nation, would do such a thing."

Katsu's face darkened as he dropped his hand back down to his side. "No, I'm not," He refuted evenly. "It is one thing to take you to see him, but another to break him free. It's impossible, Rana! Doing such a thing would mean my end."

I stood up too my feet, now enticed by the beautiful lure of anger, one of the only things I seemed capable of feeling now. "What do you expect me to do?" I shrieked. "Say hi dad, how are you, and leave him there to rot? They took him when I was seven years old! All this time he has been there! In prison…alone…and he, all of my people, have done nothing to deserve this! What is wrong with you people?"

Katsu was on his feet by this time with a face taken over by fury. "Don't pin this on me!" He yelled back. "I'm doing what I can! This war is not my fault! It has been going on since before I was even born!"

I laughed darkly. "No wonder your wife died," I spat. "She probably couldn't bare your lies!"

Katsu raised a hand up in the air and I flinched, expecting his hand to fall. His eyes were crazy as his body shook as his hand fell back to his side. "_Don't talk about her,"_ He threatened savagely. _"You know nothing about her."_

My knees trembled. I had gone a step too far and knew it. "Akane told me after she died you devoted yourself to the military, that you never came home for too long," I accused him wildly. It was too late to take it back now. "Before, she said, you were in the navy as everyone was, but after, that was all you had. Tell me, did all the deaths you caused make you feel better?"

Katsu turned away from me and started to march away. His back was imposing as he stormed away. "I guess war and hatred is what your people only feel!" I shouted at his retreat. I knew that to not entirely to be true now, but he had to _hurt! I was hurting!_ All these years, all the death and pain…the loss…_how dare they hurt me_! How could they take everyone I loved and destroy it! _I hate them!_ "The deaths of hundreds of innocent people and ruined lives are what you crave!"

He stopped immediately at where he stood and turned around violently. There was only burning fire in his eyes as he glared at me from only feet away. My heartbeat was rapid and my face flushed. "You know _nothing_, Rana," He growled menacingly. "You think you know everything because you grew up in a place of war?" He made a scoffing noise of mockery. "There are so many different types of pain. Have you ever loved someone with all of your being to have them stolen away from you? Your parents? What is the pain of losing a parent compared to that of losing your child? No parent should bury their child!"

"Takao was only a child, but your soldiers killed him," I replied coldly. His short speech…he thought his pain was worse than mine? All of my people, my very culture, are being destroyed…annihilated by his people! "The day my mother died…" I paused and pushed away the heavy feeling of _guilt_. "That day my little brother died as a soldier set fire to the tent. That soldier…he stood there and listened to the wails of my little brother as he died! Have you watched_ someone die _when you could have helped them, but_ you were too afraid to do anything!?"_

Katsu looked at me for a long moment. The crazy look in his eyes slowly started to ebb away, but the vehemence on his face still remained. "No," He answered me icily. "I haven't."

_He had looked happy in that painting with her…so long ago…had I ever been happy like that? Before…before the war had come to my people…_

_I was outside of my home, not a tent than, but a proper building made of ice and snow. Hotaka, my childhood playmate before the days of the war, threw a snowball at me. I laughed as he missed and went to make my own snowball. My father lifted me up into his arms from behind me, making me shriek with laughter. Hotaka hurled another snowball at the two of us. _

"_How can you leave Hotaka alone?" My petite mother accused, coming out from our home. "I guess I will have to side with him!" She teased smiling. My mother joined Hotaka as we all fought in ferocious snow battle that ended with all in laughter…._

"I was happy once," I confessed at the thought of that memory while stubbornly blinking away unshed tears. Something on Katsu's face changed as he took the several step towards me to close the gap between us. I did not step away as he took me into his arms, giving me a solid hug. Lately he had been touching more than he had before he had left.

"I was too once," He admitted with his chest rumbling where my head lay against it. His heartbeat was like a battle drum, loud and strong with every beat. "But that does not mean you cannot be again."

I looked up at him in confusion. What was that supposed to mean? Katsu suddenly released me from his arms and took a step away from me. "Do you wish to see your father?" He asked forwardly, "Still knowing the conditions?"

I looked up at the patch of blue sky above me and let out a deep breath. "Yes," I uttered.

…_Dad…I was going to see him…_

Katsu nodded his head. "Alright," He responded calmly. "We will be leaving tomorrow."

* * *

That night as I slept my dreams were filled with fragments of childhood memories, but only one stood out the clearest. The day they had stolen my father from me…

_It was before the raids had even started, back when our city and people had been one in the Southern Water Tribe. Back when…there had been no fear…_

_I was playing outside with Hotaka and several other children around our age. There was only childhood laughter and the usual sounds of the city. The sky had been bright that day with only a white sky overhead from the clouds. Suddenly there had been snow falling that was not snow, it was black…like a sign of evil…_

_The children and I had stopped to marvel over the black snow, not realizing it was soot and what it meant. In the future, children would know what that would mean. Children are quick learners after all. Suddenly we heard the sounds of the snow cracking and grinding! The northern wall that faced the sea was visible from where we all stood. Several giant ships of iron had come crashing through it with flags with the symbol of the Fire Nation. I stood there in childhood horror and confusion as the fronts of the ship opened and soldiers poured out._

_The air was filled with screaming and yelling. Our waterbenders went at them head on. The sounds of the fighting enticed the air. I watched fascinated as fire went against water. That was the first time I had seen a firebender in my life._

_Hotaka was pulling me by the sleeve. "Rana," He pleaded. "C'mon!"_

"_Why?" I turned to him. "Why are they attacking us?"_

"_I don't know!" He replied hurriedly. Hotaka's eyes were afraid and his small face determined as he looked at me. How old was I? Seven… "But we got to hide!"_

_I nodded as he pulled me along. Somehow my body did not want to move on its own. There was a familiar shape I saw battling several of the firebenders in the distance. Dad! My heart burst proudly for he was beating them! That would show them!_

_Than…than…_

_There was a net that caught him, like the ones we use to catch fish. They were pulling him away, towards the ship as he struggled._

"_Dad!" I cried horrified. I went to run after him, but Hotaka held onto me steadfast. _

"_No, Rana!" He urged me. "They'll hurt you!"_

_I cried and cried as Hotaka pulled me away to hide in a house. The battle only lasted for minutes before it was over, but so much destruction was left in its wake. That day was the last day I had known peace…and happiness…_

* * *

The next day I left with Katsu, finding out there was an alcove at the bottom of the cliffs behind his home with a discreet dock. If I had known this before, my escape attempts might have prevailed. We left on a small vessel that was only meant for short distances with Katsu piloting it. It felt good to be in the ocean as it rocked the small boat back and forth. The day was a cloudy day with only a gray smog above us. I wore a dark robe over the fine, red clothing I had come accustomed to wearing. Katsu sat across from me with a similar dark robe on over his clothes. "Rana?" He called out.

I looked at him.

"You must promise," He said. "You must promise me. That is your end of the bargain."

…_To never go home…Kanna…Hotaka…_

…_All of my people…_

_If I promised…I could never go back…._

_I….I…_

…_Father!...._

"I promise," I said faintly. Had I truly just said that? I looked away from him to stare at the ocean. Not another word was said for hours and I did not look at him.

We came to another island soon enough. It had only been hours to travel there. The islands in the Fire Nation are close together I supposed. There was another private dock and an entrance underneath a cliffside that led us up into the ominous building one could see from the ocean. We entered the prison from its very bowls. Katsu and I had the hoods of our cloaks up, covering our faces. He had spoken to several guards and I heard the clinking of coins being exchanged as they spoke in low voices. I did not really pay attention for I was in some sort of phase. I could not believe it…I was going to see my father!

When we entered on a metal ramp way, I gasped at what I saw. There were a dozens of prisoners for the room was massive with different levels of metal ramp ways. On each level, the prisoners were held in metal cages that hung in the air like animals! All of them looked like gaunt ghosts of the former themselves. My people!

A scream was ready to jump fourth from my lips, but Katsu's hand covered my mouth as his other went around my shoulders. He kept me walking. "Close your eyes," He ordered quietly. For the one of the first times, I followed his order with no protests.

Several minutes passed as I heard the sounds of the prisoners, but it was mostly a depressing silence. Only the sounds of our feet echoing on the metal ramp way. "Here," Katsu said in my ear. He released his hold on covering my mouth. In front of me was another one of the cages. A man with long, straggled hair that covered his face sat leaning against the bars in one corner. I held the railing before me tightly. He was dressed in torn up clothing that was grimy from years of usage. The place stank of unwashed skin. Yet his clothing, as all of the prisoners was, were blue…the same clothes they had been stolen in.

"What do you want?" The man in the corner demanded weakly. He did not move from where he was. "Have you come mock me? Go ahead!" The man went on with a sneer. "Nothing you do matters!"

"Dad…" I said weakly. It was all I was capable of saying as my throat was so tight. My chest ached as I looked at him. His head went up with interest as he looked at me. His long hair covered his face so I could not see his expression. Katsu was behind me, giving me several feet of privacy. He must have been keeping an eye out, always on the guard.

My father let out a harsh bark that turned into a brittle cough. I winced. "You're not my daughter," He refuted. "What kind of sick joke are you playing at? You Fire Nation, even you women…"

"Look at me!" I interrupted him, sliding the hood off of my face.

He sat up in his corner and slowly crawled over the bars. He was several feet in the air away from me. I could see his eyes, my eyes, looking at me in disbelief from his curtain of matted hair. "Impossible," He breathed, "How can this be? Another dream…"

"No," I told him sadly, "They came for me too, but..." I paused as I looked over at Katsu, but not meeting his eyes. I could not believe my next words. "He saved me from the prisons," I admitted heavily.

My father's eyes were dangerous as he looked at Katsu. Katsu looked at him for a moment and nodded, before looking away. "He…is your…?" My father spat.

"Yes," I answered, "It's a long story…"

"You married him? One of _them?_" My father raged on shocked.

"Rana," Katsu said. I looked back over at him. "We don't have long." I nodded and turned back to my father.

"It wasn't by choice!" I snapped. My father halted and his eyes still shined with fire.

"Of course," He murmured. "You do what you have to. Have you come to rescue me than?"

I bowed my head.

"Ah, yes…the Fire Nation man can't do it," He mocked coldly. Where was the man I barely remembered? The man filled with warmth and love? The prisons…they had stolen him away long ago…

"Rana…" He went on, his voice became softer. "At least you are alive and not here." His eyes went to Katsu. "You!" He called. "Take care of her. If she went back, they would only come again and again…" I did not look back at Katsu at his words. My father brushed aside his long hair, showing the memory of a face I had once known. He had been handsome once, but now it was sunken in and destroyed from long scars running down one side of his face. The marks of a whip…My hand went to my lips to keep any sounds of horror from escaping. "Rana, is your mother?" He began to ask. I shook my head. I could say those words to him! He slammed a fist onto the metal ground beside him, holding in any sounds of grief.

"Rana!" Katsu called. "I'm sorry, but…"

"I know," I said without looking back. "Dad?" I said quietly.

"Kill me," He said in a dead voice. His face looked back up at me with tears freely falling down his ruined face. "Just kill me. I would rather have you do it than them. I am slowly dying here and your mother waits for me…"

"I..."

I knew death to be better than the prisons. Had I not sworn that to myself once I would rather die first?

"Rana…" He pleaded quietly. He stretched his hand through the bars and I reached out to touch his hand. My fingertips barely touched his own. "I love you," He whispered, "But please, help me…"

I nodded and looked back towards Katsu. His face was dark, but he handed me a small knife that he pulled out from his robe. He handed it to me silently. I turned back towards my father, stretching out my hand with the knife in it…

His hand reached out and grasped it weakly from my own.

"Now go," He ordered. "And don't look back."

"Dad!" I called out panicked in a quiet voice. "I'm sorry!"

He paused, holding the knife in his hand fondly as if it were his pet or child. "It's not your fault," He told me with eyes that looked at me with love, the way they had been once before. "Now go and don't worry. I will see you again one day."

I bowed my head and tried to hold back… "I love you," I bubbled out hysterically.

"I know," He murmured. "Now go before they get you too!"

I felt Katsu's arm surround me as we walked away. All of the other prisoners' eyes were on us. I saw one woman from a cage overhead staring at me with familiar eyes. _…Hama?..._

Then I heard the sounds of the other prisoners yelling…He had…He had….

Katsu pulled my hood over my face as I let out the first wail. I could stop the tears as they came as I cried wildly. "Rana…" He began to say, but instead he picked me up into his arms like a child and walked swiftly. Katsu pushed my face into his shoulder as I cried to muffle my wailing.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading and please review! I like to know what you think.


	11. Chapter 10: Forbidden Comfort

Chapter Ten:

Forbidden Comfort

* * *

"_Grief and guilt. A powerful combination. Guilt like a liquid, a thin liquor, seeping everywhere, informing everything, saturating the whole--corrosive, like seawater, scented with the rich stench of ordure and corruption, and carrying with it hard, abrasive shards of grief." -_Simon Mawer, _The Gospel of Judas_

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

We returned to Katsu's home. On the trip back, I had ceased to cry, but would only sit there in silent shock. Katsu did not say one word to me that whole time. The only things I could feel outside of a numbness that had taken hold of me, was a powerful combination of grief, regret, and guilt. The three feelings were like a turbulent storm within me that raged and raged.

I had _killed_ him. Practically I had for I had handed him the means to end his life.

…_Father…._

This was not the first time I was responsible for someone else's death. _Takao…in a way, he had tried to protect me…nothing but a child…and…and…_

I looked over at Katsu who had led me to the bedroom. He was by the window, staring out at the evening sky. The clouds were a grey smudge that was turning darker into the twilight. I sat on the edge of the bed. My mind had been frozen until now as I looked at him. I had not even realized where we were or when he had led me to the bedroom. The room flickered in the torchlight, making me wince even now as I ignored looking at the flames. Katsu turned his head to look over at me with a clouded face. His eyes glimmered in the dark.

"Rana…" He began to say slowly, as if he were _unsure_. It was the first time I had heard plain hesitation from him. "I…I'm sorry about what happened."

I looked at him icily. "What else did you expect?" I replied harshly. "Death is better than to waste away in prison." A bitter smile formed on my lips. "Besides," I added darkly. "My mother is already waiting for him."

"And your brother?" Katsu questioned neutrally.

I looked away from his gaze and stared at my clasped hands on my lap which were clenched. "He was not his son," I murmured savagely. "My little brother was a child born from an act of hatred and violence."

"Our soldier's aren't supposed to do that," Katsu replied with an edge in his voice. "But it happens. Did you hate him?"

My head tilted back as I let out a wild cackle. "How could I?" I said heavily. My eyes started to welt up again with tears that I did not care to hold back. I thought I was done crying, but I did not care anymore if _he_ saw them. "It was not his fault. He was only a baby."

"And your mother?"

I looked back at his glowing eyes that held back any judgment. "She loved him," I replied stiffly. "And hated him. You see, he had _your kind's_ eyes. Kohaku…it means amber to my people, but it's not considered a good thing."

"Kohaku," Katsu repeated almost as if it were a prayer. "It wasn't your fault, Rana. None of this is. Don't let it consume you." He turned all the way around and approached me, falling down to his knees before me. His large hands swallowed mine as he held them on my lap. I could not look away from the intense look in his eyes. The shadows danced on his face from the firelight.

Tears trickled down my cheeks. _But it was my fault…I could have saved him!..._

Katsu's right hand released my hand and he wiped away the tears on my face gently. There was a look in his face I finally understood to be one of _longing_. There was a vast ache in me, a whole, a void that was making me numb. Here he was comforting me while I did not whether to scream and scream or to simply shut down entirely. I was on the brink, but his one action, just by touching me kindly led to the downfall of my previous barriers.

When he leaned over to kiss me, I did not push him away. The feel of his lips on mine, softer than before, but still demanding, drove away everything. I did not feel the ache as he pushed me down on top of the bed. My heart thudded and my body raced with strange feelings that pushed away everything as he started to kiss my jaw line, eventually moving onto my neck.

Katsuis an aggressiveand dominating persona, but caring enough that he drove away all the pain when he slept with me that night. At the time, I did not think about the repercussions of it, but only the _pleasure_ that I did get from it and that everything was on a standstill when I followed that course. Even giving him the one thing he had not been able to take away from me yet.

The next morning though, was a completely different story.

* * *

I had woken up to the sound of Katsu's content breathing near my ear. His arm was across my waist, holding my back up against him as he usually liked to do. Yet this time it took me a moment as I came into reality that we were both_ naked_ underneath the sheets. A blush spread wildly across my face along with a fierce anger when I remembered what we had done. _I…I had slept with him!_

Than everything else came crashing back to me, along with that terrible void. I shivered. Katsu in his sleep tightened his hold on me and held me closer to him. The void lessened slightly, but silent tears still slid down my face. _What had happened? What was wrong with me?!_

Eventually, I slid away from his hold and out of the bed. For the first time since I had come here, I changed into my clothes on my own, but left my hair falling free. I hated the way Ran would do my hair, but I…I could not do it the way I had used to. _I had…changed since then…but what…?_

I walked back into the bedroom, seeing Katsu still asleep. The sun had barely begun to rise from what I could see through the windows. I looked at him for a moment as he slept peacefully. He did not look as threatening. Without a look back, I quietly snuck out into the hall to find some food.

An hour later, after Ran who was shocked to see me up so early got me some food, I ended up walking on top of the outer wall that kept me imprisoned here. The sun was rising above the soft green hills. A golden sunrise with a touch of pink on the edges. The sky was a twilight that would become a clear blue. Already the air was warm. I hated the heat here. It felt strange to not having Iwao trailing me I noticed with a slight pain. But mostly, I tried to ward off the void, but slowly, ever so slowly, it started to encase around me.

"Rana?" Katsu called. I turned around to see him striding towards me. He was dressed in the newer black robe outfit he seemed to like. His hair was bound up like always. Katsu stopped only when he was in front of me and paused to look over at the sun. It was almost above the hills now. I looked up at him as he looked back down at me.

There was a _smile_ on his face, however small, before it disappeared that was genuine. "Are you alright?" He asked concerned.

My face was blank. "No," I replied simply. I turned my side to him to look back at the rising sun. I heard a noise come from him that sounded like one of anger.

"Did I hurt you last night?" He responded thickly. "Or do you regret it now?"

I let out a laugh. Here I was burdened with something else entirely, and he thought only about _that?_ I looked back at him to see an affronted face. "It's not that," I snapped. "It's…this void." I paused and touched my chest for a moment. I could feel the small bump there that was the necklace underneath my clothing. "Last night made it go away, but it's here still," I confessed confused. I quickly turned away from him, looking back at the sun which was now making its way across an almost blue sky.

_I did not know what to think._

"I feel like I should die," I went on slowly. "Like before, what's the point? I am tired of all of this." His hand grabbed my shoulder and turned me back around to face him. Katsu's eyes were blazing when I looked up at him.

"Don't," He said shortly, before his lips came grazing down on mine.

* * *

It is hard to describe over what happened over the next several weeks. The void was there, it was always there, but _being_ with him made it lessen. I still hate him, but in some ways…just a little, I do not. He had taught me things I had not imagined of before and now, unlike before, I found myself _liking _him…I mean, his body at least. Katsu knew what he was doing. But I _hate _him! It is…confusing…

There was the promise I had made that I would not try to leave. That promise had condemned me, but I had given in over the need to see my father. Even if it had been for the last time. Someday…if the chance truly did come…I would still run. Promise or no promise, for in a way it had died with my father.

One day I sat in his study, looking at the poem I now knew that he had written was about _me_.

_A Fire Lily_

_Fire in ocean eyes_

_Weep not Lady Mine_

I wondered for the first time more about the meaning for him to write this. He had a lot of poems in this scroll and a lot of them were good. It was surprising in the least for I would not have expected it from him. He is a soldier. A killer. But to write poetry…? A tiny smile at the irony grew on my lips. Sunlight came through the windows behind me, lighting the room and warming my back.

I set the scroll aside and picked up another that sad beside it. This one was his as well. I had recognized his writing earlier when I had stumbled across it. The paper crinkled as I opened it and my eyes were drawn to the very first poem.

_Pale as the snow._

_Sun touched eyes and heart._

_Masuzu, My Love._

This…was about his first wife! A strange tug pulled at me that disappeared quickly. I read the next several poems which were about her and one that referred to his dead father I thought. That poem had a hint of anger to it.

I read more.

This book of poems was lighter and hopeful, unlike the previous one I had read. The last one had been darker. Bitter. Quite suiting for how I felt. Yet he had written this one when he had been _happy_.

_Had he really loved her that much? And…his daughter…he thought his pain to be greater than mine!_

"Lady Rana?" Satoru's voice greeted me politely. I looked up from the scroll to look at his polite smile. He stood at the entrance and gave me their unusual bow I had become used too.

"Satoru," I responded with a dip of my head. We had lessons three times a week for a whole afternoon. Our lessons had become a highlight to me. Though I detested to admit it, Katsu's effort to have me educated I enjoyed. I could read and write now! Being able to read had opened a whole new world for me; History, Philosophy, and Art. Those were my favorites. Except for Etiquette. Dancing. I hated dancing the most. My feet seemed to be unable to follow a simple dance.

Satoru walked over and sat down to the right of me. He picked up the other scroll and looked over it for a minute. Ever since…what had happened those weeks ago I had been more withdrawn than before. Satoru had not questioned it. _These lessons…and that….were what kept the void away…._

I looked at his softer face as he set the scroll back down on the table. The sunlight made his face seem even more gentle and considerate. "You like these poems?" He asked me. I felt a prickle of resemblance at his question. Katsu had said something similar here and in the very same room.

I nodded and put the scroll I held onto the table. "Katsu wrote them," I admitted with a shrug. "I was surprised when I found out." When I was with Satoru, I was honest. More willing to say, and in a genuine manner, what I thought. He talked to me as an equal in intelligence, even though I was much less learned. Such conversations did not happen at home.

…_Home…_

_Kanna….Hotaka…_

"I wouldn't have thought him to be a poet," Satoru mused, interrupting my chain of thoughts. "Life is full of surprises I suppose." He glanced back at the doorway. "I have been wondering, Lady Rana, what happened to your constant shadow?"

I felt a thickening in my throat. _…What?..._ "He was dismissed," I said lightly.

Satoru laughed with mirth. "Really?" He asked amused. What was so funny? He did not act like this most of the time. Satoru was the epitome of politeness, outside of Iwao who had been more like a statue though. His grey eyes were critical as he gazed at me. "I would have thought his lordship too fearful to be rid of him with your constant efforts to escape."

"You know about that?" I contested in surprise.

Satoru waved his hand carelessly. "Yes, yes," He murmured. "So, how is that you haven't gotten away yet? Though I would be sad if you did, his lordship's payment to me would be missed if you did succeed."

I stared at him blankly for a moment before I busted out laughing. He was _teasing_ me, something he had not truly done before. This was the first time I had laughed in good humor since….

I could not remember.

Satoru looked at me with a broad smile. "I do believe this is the first time I've heard your laugh, Lady Rana," He noted warmly. "You should laugh more." I paused and set my hands on the table. My skin had become lighter from not being in the sun all day and my hands were softer. My nails were longer and taken care of. The hands of a lady. I curled them both into fists. "Lady Rana…" Satoru began, but his words trailed off.

I looked back at him, seeing plain hesitation on his face. I raised my eyebrows. "What?" I demanded rather sharply.

Satoru reached out with his right hand across the table. It was smaller than Katsu's. A scholar's hand. He touched my hand lightly as I looked at him, wondering what the hell he was doing. "Lady Rana, I…"

"Rana!" A familiar voice cried. We both looked up with Satoru's hand leaving mine immediately. Akane stood at the doorway, rushing onto the room with a brilliant smile. I stood up as she pulled me into a familiar embrace. Akane let me go as she paused to look at Satoru. "Who's this?" She asked with a kind grin. Her hazel eyes held no knowledge of seeing anything.

"My teacher," I stated pleasantly. Satoru was already on his feet. "May I present Lady Akane, my sister-in-law," I went on formally. Satoru must be proud of me for this. The words felt strange coming from me. "Akane, this is Satoru of the Himura Family. My teacher."

Akane looked at him with an analyzing gaze. "A commoner?" She asked with a hint of…It disappeared as she smiled again. "Well, Katsu hires only the best. M apologies for stealing your student, Satoru."

Satoru had slipped into a neutral, polite mask that reminded me of Iwao. He never looked at me like that as he did now to Akane. Satoru bowed to us both. "It's fine, Lady Akane," He replied briskly. "Good day to you both." He turned to leave, but halted as he spoke to me. Satoru still held the mask, but his eyes were softer as he spoke to me. "Until the next lesson, Lady Rana, and don't forget to practice!" He left without looking back.

It was bewildering to see Akane. What was she doing here? She watched Satoru leave with a small frown before she spoke. "Practice what?" Akane inquired with a mischievous grin, her frown disappearing. She looked the same since I had last seen her, except she was dressed in a new outfit of a light red mixed with a darker red.

"The erhu," I answered with a hint of a grumble.

"Oh, how lovely!" She exclaimed. "You will have to play for me while I am here!"

"Why are you here?" I asked shortly. "Katsu didn't mention it and you didn't write to me either."

"You don't want me here?" Akane asked with a quiet hurt. She looked at me intently.

"No, that's not what I-"

"I'm worried about you," Akane confessed, interrupting me with a loving look of concern. The hurt in her eyes still remained. She touched me on the shoulder comfortingly. "Your last letter was…Katsu told Masato and I of what happened. I wanted to surprise you."

I turned away from her caring gaze and looked out the sunlit window. Akane's hand had fallen away from my shoulder. Her letters had made me come to _care _about her. She reminded me in a way of Kanna. But…it hurt to see the pity on her face. Even now. Yet part of me was glad she had come for she had become….my friend…

I turned back around to face her. Her pale face was only sympathetic, caring, and the pity was there as well.

_Ocean Spirit….Moon Spirit…seeing her kind face….it hurt too much!_

Tears crept out of my eyes and fled down my cheeks. A sob stifled in the back of my throat as Akane pulled me into a hug. I cried on her shoulder, forgetting entirely that she was one of _them_.

* * *

A/N:Thanks for reading and please review! If you enjoy this story, I have three other stories you should try. Some Distant Day, the story of Rana's granddaugher, but this story is a longer story. I have two short miniseries as well, My Truth, which is the story of Akane's granddaugher, and The Tale of Tadao, the story of Akane's son (he hasn't been born yet!). Remember, I wrote this story as a prequel to Some Distant Day. I knew that Rana wanted to have her story told. Again, thanks readers and please review.


	12. Chapter 11: Love Thy Enemy

Chapter Eleven:

Love Thy Enemy

* * *

"_The real enemy can always be met and conquered, or won over. Real antagonism is based on love, a love which has not recognized itself."_ –Henry Miller

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

Later that evening, I sat with Akane out in the courtyard as she worked on sewing something I did not recognize. Before…I had used to sew with a bone needle when hemming up tear or some other on my clothes. Not a lot of time was spent as it used to be putting decoration onto our clothing anymore.

The patch of sky overheard was starting to become dusk. Soon, Akane and I would be joining Katsu for dinner. She had come to visit me without her husband or son Ichirou. I felt my eyes and knew that they were still puffy from my crying earlier. It had helped, to just let it out all without a care…I felt lighter somehow. Akane had just held me as long as it had taken for me to stop. I had cried the hardest, even more so than…when…

"Rana, I want to tell you something," Akane said quietly and out of the blue. She sat across from me on the stone bench while I sat on the edge of the fountain. I had been watching the water fall and trickle in the fountain.

I looked at her silently. We had not spoken much since I had stopped to cry about an hour ago. "What?" I responded dully.

Akane had a haunted look on her face with her hazel eyes hardened. "There's something you need to know…about this family," She went on in a hushed tone, "Something so that I shouldn't be the one to tell you, but you would find out eventually. Besides, Katsu already knows."

My interest was piqued instantly. What in the name of the moon spirit could she be babbling about? Something I could use eventually? "Go ahead," I encouraged her.

Akane looked around with a searching gaze before she began. "Remember…remember how I told you about my son, Renzo, and that he….he…."

"Yes," I murmured. I remembered…

_Akane looked at me with an old pain plain across her face. She looked over at Ichirou who was practicing his firebending moves across the courtyard. "I had another son after him," She noted pained. "Renzo…he would be nine now."_

"_What happened to him?" I had asked._

"_He died," She refuted coldly, "He died…."_

I looked at her pain embraced eyes that were usually so soft. "You told me he died," I stated for her.

There was a tense moment as I analyzed her face that was filled with nothing, but pain and _hatred_. "I lied," She admitted. "I'm supposed to lie about it."

"Wha-" I began to say.

"They took him from me!" She spat on with her eyes becoming like fire. "This family…the Suzuki family has a little secret! Their children are given away to be bodyguards! Not all of them of course, just the ones that are close enough in age to a Royal Heir!" Her face was wild with fused pain and hatred, replacing the face of the usual loving Akane I had come to know.

"I don't understand…" I said confused. _Taken away…by whom…what for?_

"Of course you don't," Akane went on frantically. "I forget…there is a group, the Society, it's a group of bodyguards. This family gives a child away to them to be used as a bodyguard. When it happens, they become dead to you!" Several tears escaped from her hazel eyes. "They took my baby from me…"

"How is that possible?" I demanded with disbelief. _A child taken away to be…Royal Heir…that would mean…a bodyguard to a member of the Fire Nation's Royal Family…to the Fire Lord!_

"I don't know," She answered bitterly. "It's the way it is." Akane looked at me with pitying eyes. "I thought you should know. They took him from me because of the Crown Prince," She let out a deep breath and looked back at me more calmly. "It could happen to you someday."

_Her son…bodyguard…to the Crown Prince of the Fire Nation?! Yet he was only nine now…so…he was being trained probably. A child….my child…wait, that would mean, Katsu and I….!_

"No!" I blurted out. "I'm not going to have _his_ child! Ever!" _Even if he helps to keep away the void…_

I looked over to see Akane's shocked face, but she was not looking at me. At the edge of the courtyard stood Katsu. He looked at me with a face that had turned into an icy mask. Katsu turned away and stalked off without a word. "Did he…?" I asked meekly.

"Yes," She answered me with a beginning of a pitiful smile, yet the pained expression from moments before still lingered. "You should watch what you say, Rana," She said politely, as if nothing had just happened. "Excuse me for my outburst. It's best that I don't speak of it again."

I nodded and looked back at the fountain. The sounds of the water flowing comforted me, but also brought on an ache in my chest. Would I soon fall into that void and cease to feel like I hoped and feared?

* * *

Soon enough Akane and I sat together in the dining hall, sitting on the cushions with the food laid before us on the table. Katsu sat across from me and Akane to my right between us. We had started the dinner in silence with Katsu's eyes not leaving his plate in front of him.

His shoulders hunched over tensely. I stared at my dish of rice that was mixed with their usual spicy vegetables, jabbing the rice with my eating utensil. Akane attempted to break the resentful silence. "I just learned that Rana is learning to play the erhu!" She exclaimed with a sound of forced happiness. "Is she good at it, Katsu? I'm sure she is, for she did agree to play for me."

"I wouldn't know," Katsu replied savagely. "She doesn't like to have anything to do with me!"

I stood up to my feet immediately and stormed out of the room. I could not stand to look at his face! How dare he act all self-righteous! After what he had done to me! And my people! How dare he hurt me!...It his fault!...All of it…my mother, my father, my brother…his people…how could they….monsters! All of them!

I collapsed onto the ground, having escaped to the privacy of the inner courtyard. The moon was half-full ahead of me, just visible through the open courtyard with a few twinkling stars. There were no clouds to stop the moon bathing everything in its silver touch. The water in the fountain flowed serenely as it always did, hopefully masking the sobs that choked out of my throat forcefully. Streams vanquished from the corners of my eyes as I stared up at the moon. I had lost all of my self-control, what little I had had left to begin with at last. All of my emotions that I had held bottled in for weeks were at last released!

_Moon Spirit! How could you let this happen to us? _

_Have you abandoned my people? Help me!_

_...Please…Anybody…_

"I just want it to end," I whispered. "I'm tired of it all." The moon was silent and serene, despite my cries. No one was going to help me or save me. I was on my own. Just as I had been all this time. The void crawled at the edge of my mind, beckoning for me to lose myself in it...

I had not heard any footsteps behind me and jumped up to my feet when a solid hand touched my shoulder. I whirled around to glare up at Katsu's shadowed face, except for his visible eyes in the silvered dark. My feet immediately took a step back away from him. He did not move from where he stood. "Do you plan to try to kill yourself again?" He inquired quietly. "Are you going to do it with a knife like you attempted to when you were captured?"

_Kill myself…? I had thought about it, but his words from before still came to my mind every time I had thought about it..._

_"You wouldn't have done it…"He had said it as if it were a fact, before he had even come to know me at all…_

_...and the other words…when I had wanted him to kill me! _

_"No, I want you to live."…_

_...Why?...Why had he done all of this?...Why!_

"WHY?" I shrieked at him, letting go of the thin control I had maintained these weeks. "Why didn't you kill me? Why did you bring me here?!" I breathed deeply and trembled as I glared at him wildly. "Why?" I repeated out of breath, "Just tell me why!"

Katsu did not move from where he stood. His voice was soft and calm as he replied after a long moment. "I have served my country for years and have seen countless battles in the Earth Kingdom," He began, "I had just been made the captain of the Southern Raiders, leading my first raid against your people…."

Katsu paused, before he continued almost in a whisper. "When you stood there defiantly against any hope, it was to save your village and you tried to fight as best you could. You did the bravest thing and perhaps stupid that I have seen anyone do. Then you were unconscious on the ground and I saw not a waterbender I had moments before, but a beautiful woman, helpless…"

I gaped at him. He had saved me for _being brave? _Was it my action than that had condemned me to my current fate? Katsu took a step towards me and touched the side of my face with his hand. His face was inches from my own. "That was my initial reason. If I sent you back though, my people would come for you again. It was through marrying you that I could save you. Rana, this is why I did what I have done, but also because…because of your strength, your refusing to give in no matter what the odds are…I have fallen in love with you."

…_What?..._

_He…He…love?..._

I jerked away from him and stepped away. Katsu did not move to grab me. I stared at him, but could not see his face in the dark. "I know you don't love me," He added sincerely. "But I am hoping perhaps one day you will." He stepped forward with an extended hand, but stopped when he saw me take a step back. His hand fell back down at his side. "Would it be so wrong?" He asked me softly.

_Love him?...But that would mean to forgive…accept…My people! It would be a betrayal!_

"Yes," I muttered thickly. "It would be a betrayal to everything I am." I stepped away from Katsu slowly. He did not move closer to me or say word when I turned to flee from the courtyard. I could feel tears desperately breaking free from my eyes and my throat threatening to choke itself as I ran and ran.

* * *

A/N: Sorry for not updating in so long! School as usual! Well, here are several secrets out of the bag in this chapter. Tell me what you think and thanks for reading!


	13. Chapter 12: Akane's Proposal

Chapter Twelve:

Akane's Proposal

* * *

"_In good times and bad times, I'll be on your side for ever more...that's what friends are for." _-Unknown

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

I sat holding my arms wrapped around my knees in my hiding spot. There is a discreet alcove in one corner of the garden by a smaller pond. The gravel trail circles around the garden and off to other parts of the garden. Several bushes are planted around the wooden alcove that has a vine-like plant growing all over it, even onto its roof. There is a small bench that resides within it to provide its visitors shelter from the sun. In this nighttime visit, it was a perfect dark corner to stay well hidden in. In the distance, I could hear the echo of voices. They were looking for me. _He_ probably thought I had run away again…

I had promised, but…

I buried my head into my arms. Soft footsteps crunched on the gravel path as they approached me, but I did not care. Firelight disrupted my dark corner as I raised my head up to see Akane standing over me. She held a small ball of fire in her hand, floating there above her hand dangerously. I flinched at the sight of the fire in her hand. Akane's face was shadowed, but I saw a flicker of comprehension on her face. She closed her hand, casting us back into the night. "Rana," She said quietly. She sat down on the bench next to me, as I stayed on the ground in my corner. "They are looking for you," She continued. "He even sent out a search party." Akane touched my shoulder comfortingly. I settled my chin on top of my knees.

"Did you know?" I croaked. My throat was raw as a skinned Tiger-Seal. My face was probably a hideous sight to behold, but I had the dark to hide it from Akane temporarily. Not that I really cared at the moment.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Akane replied kindly. She squeezed my shoulder. "What is it?"

Tears, which I had thought done, swelled up in my eyes. Kanna would be ashamed of me if she had seen me like this…Akane reminded me of her. "He…." I started to stutter out, "He….said….he loves me…"

"Is that why you're like this?" Akane proclaimed with a mix of shock and sternness. "That is a good thing!"

"Good?..." I repeated in a whisper. He is my enemy…just as Akane_…should be_. "Did you know?" I asked with more conviction. The anger was starting to filter in. I was an emotional storm, tossed from one wave to another.

"Not exactly," Akane answered me carefully. "Before, Masato and I assumed it to be lust for he had admitted that he didn't love you. But when he went on his tour, his letters to us….they implied otherwise."

I regarded her in the dark, feeling the tears drip down from my puffy eyes. "Rana," Akane advised me tenderly, "You don't talk about your life from before, but I know it was a place of war. Here you have peace, a good home, no worries about clothing or feeding yourself, and a good man who loves you." Akane lowered herself down onto her knees and placed herself in front of me, with her hands holding my cheeks. I moved my face up from knees and looked at her face, which I could only see the outline of. "Why not accept your life here?" She went on with a touch of pleading. "You would be happy if you just let yourself be!"

I put my hands over Akane's much softer ones. The true hands of a lady. Even her hands were larger than mine. I removed her warm hands from my face and held them in my own. "I can't," I refuted simply.

"Why not?" Akane challenged me. "It's only yourself that's in the way!"

"My people," I confided to her, trying to ignore the sting of her words. The rage within me was tempted to explode. "The life I was stolen from! Your people who are destroying _mine_!" I released her hands and stood up. Akane followed suit. I stormed out of the alcove and looked down at the pond. The half-full moon and stars reflected onto its surface like a mirror. I could make out the dark outline of myself and Akane standing to my right on its surface. "I'm a waterbender, Akane," I told her, even though she probably already knew that. "A bender should know their bending. If the war didn't exist, I would have my bending as you do yours."_ My father…my mother…Takao…they would still be alive!_

For the first time in months, I dared to do the forbidden. It felt strange after so long, and I had never been trained to begin with, but I could feel the power tingle within me from the moon. I always did when the moon came closer to becoming a full moon. With a circular motion of both my hands, a tendril of water came out of the still pond. I made it wave around like a tree in the wind before it collapsed. A heavy breath exhaled from me as my arms fell down to my sides. Akane took several steps, closing the gap between us as she placed her left hand on my right shoulder. I looked at her taller outline in the pond's reflection.

"I never questioned the war until I met you," Akane confessed to me mournfully. "We were raised to believe it a good thing." I was shocked as she said her words. We had never really talked about the war before, not in depth like this! "Even though you shared little, it was enough to make me wonder. The war started before I was born, Rana. We've had no choice, in this we're victims just as you are."

_He _had said similar things before, but it was only now, coming from Akane that I felt a rivulet of relation and understanding. Even if I did not want too. She was right that we follow what we are raised to believe. I had grown-up believing them to all be monsters because of the war, but I had learned that they are just as human as _I am_.

"I wish you could know your bending," Akane added sincerely. "What you showed me was beautiful."

A sad smile, however small, formed on my face. I turned around to look at Akane. "I do too." I wished, in that moment, that I could call her bending_ beautiful_. Yet I could not, for whenever I saw their bending, the acidic fear enticed me along with the memories. Akane released my shoulder and instead took my hand into her own with a gentle squeeze. "You ready?" She inquired warmly with sympathy underlying her words.

"No," I murmured. My voice still sounded raspy to me.

"No one ever is," Akane commented as she turned to step away, pulling me behind her, hand-in-hand.

* * *

We entered the house still holding hands, having walked the whole time in silence. The darkened hallway flickered from torchlight. I kept down the shiver within me at the sight of the flames. It did not bother me as much, only when _they_ bended it…

"Lady Rana!" Ran's voice cried. She hurried down the hallway and bowed before Akane and I. Her face was relieved when she looked at me. "Oh thank Agni, you found her, Lady Akane! The whole house is in an uproar!"

Ran's dark, brown eyes were filled with relief and worry. _She…cared? _"I'm sorry, Ran," I apologized quietly.

Ran gaped at me uncertainly, before she smiled and dipped her head. "It's alright, my lady."

"Where is Katsu?" Akane asked her shortly. Ran's attention turned towards Akane.

"He went with the search party," Ran answered her respectfully.

Akane held my hand tighter for a moment. "Have a servant sent to find him," Akane ordered. "And have the servants here return to whatever they should be doing."

Ran paused and looked at me instead.

"Did you hear what I said?" Akane asked her with her voice rising.

"I'm sorry, Lady Akane," Ran apologized stiffly. "It is Lady Rana's whose orders I would heed next after his lordship's…"

"Do you think this is a time to debate who the lady of this house is?" Akane snapped. Her face had a shadow of fury covering her usual kind expression. "Now go!" I could feel my own quell of anger from before now becoming directed at Akane, but I held it back. Ran bowed and hurried away on quick feet.

Akane's disapproving eyes followed her until she was out of sight. She looked back at me and her face softened. "They need to know their place, Rana," She explained as if I were a child. "Though she was correct about you."

Akane continued to walk with my hand in hers. "What do you mean by that?" I questioned her with just a hint of resentment in my voice.

Akane did not turn her hear to look at me as we walked. "This is _your _home, after Katsu you are the one who should run the household affairs and the servants. You're not doing this, which is not traditional, but understandable…" Akane's voice grew quieter. "Katsu is my husband's older brother; therefore you have a higher position over me. Within our family, you would be the head of it with Katsu. That's how it is in larger families usually."

I was supposed to be of higher social standing than Akane? Me, a foreigner, the enemy, compared to Akane, who was a true Fire Nation lady? I had no idea until moments ago that _I _had power, that I am supposed to run the household! Satoru had never taught me this! No, he had mentioned, but…

I snorted loudly. "That's ridiculous!" I exclaimed in disbelief. "Compared to you?"

Akane had led us to my bedroom. She halted in front of the doorway and turned to look at me. Her expression was one of wise understanding. "You'd be surprised," She claimed confidently. She opened the door and waited as I walked in past her. "Wait here," She added. "I'll talk to Katsu before he can come berate your first." She started to close the door.

"Akane!" I called out. The door stopped half-way and Akane stuck her face in with questioning eyes. "Why do you care?" I demanded. Why did she try to help me, comfort me? Was it only out of pity or some sense of responsibility?

Akane gazed at me with a look of complete understanding at my question. "Because I am _your friend_," She replied seriously. "Would you call me friend?"

I hesitated. Our letters…her advice and kind understanding…her acceptance…one of the only people I had connected too… "Yes," I told her honestly. _I meant it_. _Even if…it was__ wrong of me_. Akane gave me a brief smile and shut the door.

* * *

A half hour or so passed. I changed into my nighttime robe and let my hair down. My face and voice were still evident of my earlier tears. There was one candle lit on a small table that stood in front one of the windows. The window _he_ had smashed before had been repaired for some time now. Anxiety, fear, a whirlwind of emotions, spun inside of me fiercely. I sat on the edge of the bed, feeling frozen, even though the room was warm.

It was always warm here. I still hated the hot weather of this accursed country. It had only rained here and there with thunderous showers that only lasted minutes. The weather had cooled a little the last month or so and the showers had increased. Minutes ago the rain had started to pour violently and continued to do so. I could hear the raindrops pounding on the roof overhead.

_I missed…snow…_

My left hand twisted the necklace around nervously. I tried not to think about my upcoming encounter, which was sure to have a very angry…nothing she would say would calm him down. I had broken my promise to him in his eyes probably, even though I had not left the house. To distract myself, I sung a lullaby from my people, one that my mother had used to sing to me. It was the only one I could remember with a soft melody that reminded me of a gentle, but morose wind.

"Little one, do not fear. Soon this storm shall pass," I sang under my breath. A roll of thunder crashed for the first time since the rain had started. I paused and then continued the lullaby, playing with my necklace. _It was the only color of blue I had, except for the sky._ "Our defenders are near! Moon Spirit, protect us. Ocean Spirit, hear us." A white, blinding light flashed through the windows as lightening crackled in the sky. Another battle drum of the thunder took over as I sang the last two lines. "My prayer, they do hear. They keep us safe, my dear." I did not believe those words anymore as I sang them, but somehow they quelled my anxiety ever so little.

"Those are the names of your spirits?" _His_ voice asked roughly from across the room. The thunder had hidden the sound of his entrance. He leaned up against the door with crossed arms, eyeing me like a predator. "Do you think they hear your prayers?" He continued with mockery veiled in his question.

"I didn't run away," I stated loudly, getting straight-to-the-point. I was not in the mood for any of his games.

"Ha!" He jeered as he pushed himself away from the door and walked towards me. "You were waiting for the house to be empty enough for you to slip on right outside!" Katsu growled. "It was a clever plan, probably your best so far."

"I'm here," I retorted with my voice rising. Had Akane said anything to him or was he to blinded by his anger? Could he not simply accept the fact that I was in shock and…and…

"Only because Akane found you!" He quipped back. I stood up as he reached me at the bed, and glared up at him with all of the furiousness I could muster. Something softened in his eyes, before it went back the dark shroud of vexation.

"I hate you!" I yelled up at his face. Nothing changed on Katsu's stony face as he glared back down at me.

"I know," He replied matter-of-factly. Suddenly he turned away from me and took a step towards the candle that was lit at the table. I watched him cautiously as his right hand hovered above the flame, making it grow larger and smaller, as if it were breathing. "Akane asked me if you could return to her home with her," He said abruptly in a placid voice. "I told her yes."

I sucked in a sharp breath. Go to Akane's home?...Away from him!...A chance to escape?...Thousands of possibilities flashed through my mind like the lightening storm. "I will let you go stay with her," He went on, "But I know I can't trust you to not run away." His hand moved away from the candle as he settled both of his hands onto the table. Katsu's tall back was faced towards me as he looked out the window. Lightening danced across the midnight sky. "I am going higher another bodyguard again. You lost whatever trust and previous freedoms you had before."

My eyes burned into his back at his words, but I was going to be able to escape him for awhile at least. Thanks to Akane. I knew there would be no chance for me to escape as there had been before, not with another bodyguard around if this one was to be like Iwao at all. "When do I leave?" I asked sharply. "And how long do I get to stay with her?"

"You'll leave in about three days," Katsu answered me surly. "I gave her permission for you to stay for a two weeks."

I could have danced with joy, if it had not been for the new knowledge of another bodyguard. Yuck! I wanted to start pounding his frustrating back with my fists. Anything to irritate him for I knew I could not hurt him! Except…in that way…

"I'll never love you," I seethed in a low voice. "You disgust me!"

"Really?" Katsu intoned mockingly and bitterly. He turned around with his golden eyes flashing dangerously. The candle suddenly went out and the room was cast into darkness. I yelped as his strong hands grasped my shoulders roughly. I was shoved down onto the bed. I flailed about as his large form pinned me down effortlessly. Perhaps I should not have said anything….

He lowered his head down next to my ear. I could feel his warm breath on my neck. "Your body doesn't seem disgusted," He murmured. I shivered, but it was not out of total fear. Katsu's lips were immediately on mine roughly: hungry and demanding. I did not want to give in, but somehow, like always…

My body turned against me, delightfully enjoying what he would do to me…

* * *

A/N:I have news for a new OC miniseries I have started. It is called Flames of a Fire and is about the aunt of Katsu and Masato, who was the bodyguard of Fire Lord Sozin. Please check it out! As always, thanks for reading and please review!


	14. Chapter 13: Departure

Chapter Thirteen:

Departure

* * *

_"It's not what's happening to you now or what happened in your past that determines who you become. Rather, it's your decisions about what to focus on, what things mean to you, and what you're going to do about them that will determine your ultimate destiny."_ –Anthony Robbins

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

The next morning I awoke to an empty bed beside me. I stretched my arms with a wide yawn, sore and angry about the previous night. How…how dare he use that against me_!...Monster!..._He knew that was the one thing I would fall for over and over again, even if I did not want it. My body thought very differently from my current mind set about the matter. A small smile did grow on my lips at the thought of escaping with Akane to her home. Two weeks away from him, away from here! I tossed the sheets off of me and shivered as my bare feet touched the cool, wooden floor.

Sunlight streamed through the windows, showing the sun had just crept over the outer wall. It was still early in the morning hours from the looks of it. The void was still there within me, but the thought of being with Akane for the next two weeks helped to lessen it. She helped to keep that tide away. Thoughts from the night before entered my mind that I tried to shove away. But his voice still whispered in my ear, something he had said like a lover afterwards, _"I love you, Rana."_

Ran's familiar knock on the door tore me away from my thoughts. She came every day around this time; therefore I woke up naturally around this time. Every day she helped me to dress and get ready, except for at night. She only came at night when Katsu was gone.

When I first stepped into the tub in the washing room to take hot bath months ago, it had been with some wonder. Washing at home had consisted of a small towel, bar of soap, and a bucket of water. It would take way too long to try to fill up a person sized tub with hot water. Ran had told me that the water comes from natural hot spring water that was run into the estates by pipes. These people had some ingenuous ideas, for barbarians that is.

Now it had become a usual activity for me, one that I had come to do almost every day. The heat here makes me feel filthy at the end of every day. My own sweat sticking to my body like a damp towel. The smell of the scented water perfumed the air, a sweet fragrance that was light.

Ran was across the room, tinkering about with something at the table. I laid in the tub with the soapy water covering me. Ran sometimes talked to me, but I usually did not talk to her. Most of the time it was silent between us. "Ran," I called. She looked up, her soft face gazing at me, ready to whatever I told her. She was dressed in the darker browns and reds she favored. A simpler outfit and of less fine make than my own. Ran is older me, I actually thought her to be around _his_ age.

"Yes, my lady?" She inquired politely.

"Do you always get treated that way?" I asked her curiously. That event from yesterday had been nagging me in the back of my mind. Akane always had that superior air around the servants.

"By who, my lady?" Ran asked suspiciously. She turned her back to me as she continued to mess with the things at the table.

"Akane," I told her bluntly. "By nobles."

Ran stopped messing with the items at the table and her back stiffened like a board. "Lord Katsu treats me well," She replied monotone, reminding me of how Iwao had always sounded. "As you do, my lady."

I did not talk to her much, but that was because she was always so formal. All the servants and guards here acted that way. Akane treated me like an equal…because I was married to _him_. _He _was polite to the servants from what I had seen, but had a distant air that I…had. Akane acted superior to them. We did not have such social differences with my people. No "nobility" or "commoners." Usually I tried to push away thoughts of home, but lately I have been able to do so with less pain.

For the first time since I had come here, I thought about it and what it meant. "Ran," I began awkwardly. "Where I come from, there aren't servants. We are all equal…I'm sorry for the way I've treated you. It isn't because of this whole class thing, but because you are Fire Nation."

Ran turned around slowly. I was startled to see her dark, brown eyes had tears. "Only one noble ever treated me as a person, not just a servant," She admitted with an old pain in her voice. "Lord Katsu is better than most, but it was his wife who I loved."

…_Masuzu…_

…_The paintings of her in that storage room…he had been smiling with her…_

"What was she like?" I asked innocently. Ran looked like…she had had cared for her deeply, but then I barely knew Ran.

"She was a lady," Ran replied reminiscently. "But she had her adventurous side…and she was someone who knew her mind." Ran smoothed out her skirt, trying to rid it of creases that were not there. "We grew up together. My mother had been a servant in her parents' household. Her mother had paid for me to be trained as a lady's servant."

I swished my hands about in the water, feeling like I had opened a closet I should not have. "Lord Katsu loved her and she loved him," Ran went on. I looked back to see a sorrowful smile on her face. "Their marriage had not been arranged. After she…he was rarely here. He threw himself into his military career."

_Akane had mentioned that in a letter once…I had used it in one of our fights..._

I stared down at the soapy water. I could not stand to look at her face, remembering with happiness of _him_ being _happy_! I am glad he is miserable!

"Except for now," Ran added. My heat shot up at her words. Ran gave me a considerate gaze. "I thank you for that."

"What do you mean?" I demanded, my voice turning harsh. Anger and denial sweetly intertwined. "We're always fighting! You know I didn't choose this!"

"I know," Ran returned calmly. She approached me with a towel, picking it up from the table. I stood up, shivering as my body left the contact of the warm water. Ran handed me the towel as I stepped outside of the tub, drying myself and then wrapping it around body. "At first I hated you," Ran said lowly. She stood several feet away. I looked at her face that was completely open to me for the first time. "I was angry at him for trying to replace my lady with _you_. But…I felt pity for you…"

"And now?" I asked sharply. I did not need anyone's pity!

Ran shrugged. "I came to care," She confessed carelessly. "Lord Katsu has finally shown some signs of peace in years." She walked back over to the table, preparing to brush my hair as we always did. I followed her and sat down on the low seat that was in front of it, sitting in front of the mirror. I looked at my own reflection and Ran's, who stood behind me.

She held the hairbrush in her hand and started to brush my hair. "This is the first time we've spoken in such a way," She commented. I looked at her reflection, but her face was turned down as she brushed my hair rhythmically. It always felt good to have my hair brushed. "Will it be the last, my lady?"

I paused.

It took a mere flash of a second to understand. We had stepped over a new boundary. There were two options she was offering me. We could go back to what it had been before, or…

"No," I answered her. Ran paused brushing my hair for a moment and then resumed brushing my hair. I saw the corner of her lips turned upwards ever so slightly. "Do you know I'm leaving in two days?"

"Yes," She murmured. "I do, my lady." We passed the rest of our morning routine in mostly silence, but this time it was a comforting, companionable silence.

* * *

The next two days passed by slowly. I only saw _him _at dinner, in which Akane would chatter to fill the silence. Akane was my constant companion as she had been since her arrival. We would walk together in the garden, and read together in the study, and such. Somehow it did not bother me to have gone from lack of companionship to constantly having someone around me. It reminded me of Iwao…I wondered where he was now. And before, at home…there was rarely much privacy in the village. I saw nary a sight of _him_, but I did not care about what he was doing. He did not come to the bedroom.

In my morning routine with Ran, we had started to have conversations. I had started to learn the other names of the servants and about them because of her. I was shocked to discover that Ran was married and has children. I had not even thought about her having her own life, she was always here! She lived in the closest village, a twenty minute walk, she told me. Her husband was from the village and worked in the fields that provided for the estate and their village.

Ran had told me with merry eyes about her two children. Ozubon, age eight, who attended classes at a local school for commoners in the nearest town. Her words praised _him_, for he paid for her son's education, so that he could do better than she and her husband had. Then there was Masuzu, her four-year old daughter, named after the mistress she had adored. The pesky brat, according to her, was watched during the hours she was here by her sister-in-law, who stayed at home with her own family.

I had asked her why she did not stay at home with her family. That is what wives amongst my people did. Ran had blushed and murmured they needed the money. We did not have money at home. We traded what we had for what we needed. Before the war…it had been different. We had used money when we had traded with the other nations. I knew what it was, but I have not even actually seen money before.

* * *

I had my last lesson with Satoru the day before I was to leave, not having seen him since Akane had disrupted out last one. We sat together in the study. A scroll of Fire Nation poetry lay on the table. Satoru had brought it, surprising me entirely for he had never brought me a scroll of poetry in lessons before. I had mentioned to him before that I had read all of the scrolls of poetry that _he_ had, which had been few at best. "It's for you to enjoy," He told me thoughtfully. He patted the scroll fondly. "It's by one of my favorite poets. I thought you might like it."

I beamed a genuine smile at Satoru. His face looked pleased and a blush lit up on his cheeks. "Thank you!" I proclaimed excited. "I'll give it to you when I return!"

Satoru's face fell a little. "That's right," He said quietly. "You're leaving for two weeks."

Ever since my discussion with Ran, I had become curious about those I did think about other from what I saw. Satoru taught me and we discussed what he taught me. I knew he was from merchant's family and privately tutored nobility. He had to be in his early twenties from the look of it. I knew he was smart, way smarter than I would ever be. His face always had a pleased look on it when we went over poetry, music, and philosophy. Those were his favorite subjects.

"That bothers you?" I asked him obtrusively. I had never been one to shy away from the truth.

Satoru's eyes looked away from me and flickered back at me. He chuckled warmly. "You're my only student currently," He reported sincerely. "I'll be bored."

"Oh…" I muttered. Where did he live? I had never thought, but what did he do with the rest of his time when he was not teaching me?

"I live here on the estate," He responded, as if he knew my internal questions. "Lord Katsu provided me with a quiet place. When I'm not busy with you, I'm working on my own work."

"Work?"

Satoru blushed slightly again. "I'm working on my own poetry, music, and a historical text," He admitted shyly.

"I had no idea," I confessed with a tad of embarrassment.

"I wouldn't expect you to, my lady," Satoru replied. I gaped at him slightly, wondering what that was supposed to mean. "Considering the circumstances, I mean," He added hastily.

I raised both of my eyebrows. "What circumstances?" I asked rather sharply.

Satoru bit his lip as he smiled. "My usual pupils, being nobility that is…they wouldn't care to know," He explained kindly.

It was than my turn to blush. I always seemed to forget about their class differences, but then again I never left the estate, so I did not truly have any idea probably. But then again, what did I care about their ways…right? "I understand," I replied hushed.

Satoru smiled at me with some pity at my apparent lack of understanding. "No, I'm afraid not my lady," He responded kindly. "No offense, my lady."

"No, you're right," I said in complete agreement. How could I? We were two people from different cultures and values. I paused at this thought. _People_…since when I had started to think of them that way? Before they had been golden-eyed demons. The enemy. They still are, yet…

"Do you still hate us?"

His abrupt question leapt out at me, attacking me like their first raid upon on my people. The blood fled from my face, and then boiled inside my chest. My shocked eyes narrowed at his sincere ones. They were not gold though. That thought made me not attack him back brutally with words as I would have with _him_.

"I…" I halted and stood up immediately, walking away several feet with clenched fists. I kept my back to him. "Of course I do!" I muttered darkly, denying the partiality within me that might have said otherwise. But that was only a tiny part. Minuscule!

"I could say I understand, but that would be a lie," Satoru said determined. I turned around to look at him. He sat at the table still, looking at me with an open face.

"Is something a matter, my lady?" A familiar voice asked placidly. I whirled around to see Iwao standing in front of the doorway, eyeing Satoru dangerously. He looked exactly the same with his polite and uptight manner.

"Iwao!" I gasped. "What?....How?..." I managed to mumble out in complete shock.

Iwao bowed towards me, still eyeing Satoru coldly. "His Lordship saw fit to rehire me," He answered me as he straightened back up from his bow. "It is my pleasure to serve you once more, my lady."

His light golden eyes were guarded as ever, but he had a new mustache growing on his face. I had thought that _he _would hire a new bodyguard, not Iwao. I could not help a feeling of happiness embracing me. I had come to be…familiar with his presence, not even aware I had missed it until it was gone. "I'm glad," I said seriously. I could have sworn a smile almost touched his face before it disappeared.

"We are in the middle of a lesson," Satoru said coolly. His eyes were challenging Iwao's frigid gaze.

I looked at both of them, feeling a tension that I had felt before.

Iwao eyed him for a moment longer, before he dismissed him by looking at me. "I will be out in the hallway, my lady," He stated and exited without another word.

"Do you have a death wish?" I snapped at Satoru. Iwao was not to be messed around with! He was the kind…the kind of person who would kill without a thought when it came to the protection of his charge.

"He can hear us, you know," Satoru murmured with a wink. The icy look in his eyes had vanished. "Let's return to your lesson, my lady." Our lesson presumed as it had before, but this time it was with a more familiar air, like the one I had started to develop with Ran.

* * *

Iwao had returned, and in many ways it felt like he had never left. He was that good at blending in, my silent shadow. I slept alone in the bedroom that night as I had the past nights. Ran had helped me to pack that night in a good mood. I let her choose everything, nodding in agreement because I could care less. I was ecstatic to be leaving! He had not been at dinner that night either. The next morning I awoke from Ran's beckoning when the sun had just started to rise. My things had already been carried down the dock. Ran had said goodbye to me in the bedroom, after helping me with our usual morning routine.

Ran stood in front of me with a warming smile. She towered over me in height even, and she was much shorter than Akane. Her soft, brown eyes were joyful. "This is your first tine outside of the estate!" She chattered. "Aren't you excited?"

"You have no idea," I murmured. I paused and looked at her. "Thank you, Akane," I told her heart fully. "I will..." I could not finish the words. They became lodged in my throat.

Akane smiled and touched my shoulder without a word. She bowed and left the room, leaving me to follow her into the hall to join Iwao down to the docks. Akane joined me as we made the journey down the carved path in the cliff side down to the docks. Iwao followed us closely behind. The sun was shining with a playful wind that caressed my hair. I breathed in the salt air that I only could get a bare scent of when I walked on the outer wall. It was a small ship, a ferry really, that had been hired by _him _to take us to Akane's home. I spotted several other ships at the small dock, wondering if they were always there. Akane was silent next to me, until we reached the beginning of the dock.

"Oh, there is Katsu!" She exclaimed, gesturing towards the front of the ship. He stood there in the distance, looking in our direction. "I was wondering when he would say goodbye." She looked at me with a smile, but I could see the worry in her eyes. The worry that was for me.

There were other men milling about on the small ship we were to board as we approached it. I tried to look away from him, but I could only stare back until I was feet away. His gaze switched away from me to Akane. He walked over to her, making me hesitate to move away as he took her hand into his own. "It was a pleasure, sister," He said kindly with a small smile at her.

Akane beamed up at him. "Likewise," She told him. "Don't be too sour with me for stealing Rana away!" Katsu's eyes looked towards me for a moment, before returning back to her face.

"Of course not," He said dryly. He released her hand and looked towards Iwao.

"My Lord," Iwao said with a bow.

Katsu nodded, and then looked down at me. I noticed Akane discreetly walking up onto the ship. He closed the gap between us, standing over me like one of the large trees that exist in the garden. "So.." He murmured. "This is goodbye." His eyes flashed brilliantly, reminding me again of a predator's gaze.

I looked up at him silently. There was a strange twinge…something I could not quite identify that made the void start to creep back in. Before I could protest, he pulled me into an embrace. He held me for a moment as if I were the only thing that existed in the whole world, before letting me go abruptly. Katsu stepped away from me as I gaped at him, not knowing how to respond. I had not expected that, but then I never entirely what to expect from him. A shadow crossed his face as we locked gazes, then he broke it by whirling around and striding down the dock without another word. I watched his receding back until Akane calling me to board the ship brought me back to reality.

* * *

It took half a day by the ferry to reach the island that Akane and Masato's estate is located at. During the trip I could see the outline of other islands on the horizon. It felt wonderful to be on a ship in the open ocean. The salty breeze and smiling sun could only put me into a good mood. Akane did not comment on _his _goodbye, and I tried not to think about it. Iwao brooded nearby as he had used too. I had kind of missed it in a strange way. The several men working on the ship left Akane and I alone. Several times I spotted other ships on the water, but they were too far away to make out what they were. The small ferry ship we were one was not like their usual ships. The massive, iron ships that brought fear into my heart….

I went to my first Fire Nation village for we docked at their small dock, greeted by Masato and Ichirou. We walked down the ramp way to the dock with an impatient Ichirou at the bottom. Masato stood behind him, holding his shoulder with a smile. He was much shorter than his brother, but had a similar build. Unlike _him_, he had sideburns and had no scars on his face. His face was softer, but that was from the lack of harder angles. The same color of golden eyes looked at me from his face, along with Ichirou's. Masato was dressed in the military like clothing that _he _wore most of the time as well. Ichirou was dressed in the grey and red uniform I had seen him wear before.

The sounds of the village rang in the distance and the sounds of several other ships docking, fishing boats from the looks of it. The men from the ferry followed behind us, carrying our luggage. Akane stepped ahead of me with open arms, taking Ichirou into her embrace. Masato waited patiently behind them.

"I missed you," Akane greeted Ichirou. She let go of her son who stood almost to my height. Ichirou had a wide grin on his young face, but paused when he noticed my presence. A blush lit up on his face like the sun as he looked away. Masato stepped forward and pulled Akane into an embrace. I looked away when he gave her a slightly more than polite kiss.

"Hello Rana," Masato greeted me in his partial manner. Akane had already written to him that I was coming.

"Hi," I responded nervously. I had gotten the impression before that he had not liked me. He had told Katsu to get rid of me! Which I wanted naturally anyways.

"Say hi, Ichirou!" Akane scolded her son gently.

Ichirou kept his face looking down at his feet. "Hi, Aunt Rana," He mumbled out.

"Hi," I repeated back, wondering why my tongue suddenly felt all floppy. I was not one without words! What was wrong with me? Masato looked at Iwao who stood behind me for a moment, before dismissing him because he remembered him. The men from the ferry had carried our luggage down the dock, now loading it onto a cart stood next to the dock. One of those horned riding creatures that I had seen him ride before and had carried me on before was attached to the cart. A man sat on the front of it, holding leathered ropes in his hands that were strapped to the creature.

Masato started to walk down the dock, his arm around Akane. I followed next to her, while Ichirou walked behind us, sticking more his father's side. "Did you have a good time?" Masato asked Akane. I looked at her through the corner of my eye.

"Yes," She answered him with a loving smile. "Still, I'm glad to be home."

The man on the cart was a servant from their estate. I had watched the village scene and its people curiously as we all seated on the seats behind the man and drove through the village. There was a market in the center, surrounded than by some sort of shops and then houses. People milled about doing their business, but some paused and greeted Masato and Akane cheerfully. "Lord Masato! Lady Akane, nice to have you home!" was the sort of calls that were made. I sat next to Akane, with Masato beside her. Ichirou and Iwao sat behind us.

The ride was only about thirty minutes from the village, leaving the ocean behind as we disappeared into forested hills. I had gaped at the tall trees, having never been in an actual forest before or even seeing one. Akane promised me we would come visit the forest since it surrounded their estate. We broke free from the forest back into rolling green hills. On top of a hill, the road winded up to their estate that was walled like _his_. I could see farmlands on the gentle slopes to one side of the estate, and the road winding towards them. Akane reported to me that there was a village on the other side of the hill and more farmlands.

We rode up the hillside as I stared up at the walled estate. Two weeks without _him_. I was happy to be there, as happy as I could be anyways. Yet…I pushed away any thoughts, turning to Akane with a smile as she began to talk about their home and the people who lived there.

* * *

A/N: Here is the latest chapter! Thanks for reading and _please_ review!


	15. Chapter 14: The Home of Masato & Akane

Imprisoned Love

Chapter Fourteen:

The Home of Masato and Akane

* * *

"_Every man is afraid of something. That's how you know he's in love with you; when he is afraid of losing you."_ –Unknown

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

I was settled into one of their guest bedrooms that were in the same wing as the family bedrooms. The room was simple, with a bed that paled compared to mine and…there was a cupboard for storage and a table that was set up in front of the several windows that were on a wall facing the east. Through the window I could see down into the garden for I was on the second floor, and just slightly over the wall I could see the tops of trees of the forest. There was no room attached to it that had a washing room like at…

I paused. The word that home come to my mind was….was…_home_…

How…how could I call that place _home?_

I shook my head, pushing away the thought. Akane had told me that they did not have natural hot water springs underneath the estate like…_he_ did. Instead, the servants here would prepare a bath for me personally when I needed it in a single wash like room they had for the family. Akane and Masato's bedroom was just down the hall from me, while Ichirou's was right across from me. Akane had left me to rest for awhile and to unpack if I wished to do it on my own. I did that now, unpacking the clothes and other items that I had brought with me. All of them…all of these things that had become mine had been personally made for me and bought by _him_. I halted, and let the silken garment I held in my hands slip onto the wooden floor, looking like a pool of blood.

"My lady?" Iwao's voice asked politely.

I looked over at the doorway, greeted by his usual guarded expression. He stood in that uptight position he always maintained. "What?" I replied irritated by his intrusion, more by the fact that he had caught me unaware.

"Are you alright?" He inquired with his golden eyes analyzing my every facial expression. He was like a predator with the way he examined everything, just as…._he…_

I gave him a small smile and shrugged. "I'm fine," I answered him through my teeth. Iwao's expression did not change the slightest, but he knew I was lying.

"As you say, my lady," He said monotone, "Lady Akane is waiting for you."

"Thank you," I murmured. Iwao left without another word, shutting the door behind him. I looked back at the silken robe on the ground. …I would let Akane's servants unpack the rest of my clothes, I thought, as I walked out the door to meet her.

I met Akane out in a room that worked as a reception room for visitors. It was on the first floor of their home, located off of the main hallway. There were no windows, but banners decorated all the walls. There was the usual one with the flaming symbol of their nation…I tried not to look at it. Then there were similar family portraits, just like at the dining room at…

The center of the room had a low table with cushions scattered for sitting, and a low furniture piece to the ground. Akane sat on a cushion by the table, drinking a cup of tea. She smiled at me when I entered the room. "Would you like a cup?" She asked, gesturing towards the tray that rested beside her.

"Sure," I answered her distracted. My eyes were drawn to a banner on the wall behind her. I walked over to it to closer examine it. It was a family painting of Akane and Masato, both who stood beside each other in the painting. What caught my attention was a second child in the painting, a small boy who stood beside Ichirou. Ichirou was a small child himself in the painting. The other boy had the same looks as his older brother, but their family eyes in his face shined. As if he were about to pull a childish prank. Ichirou's face was more serious like his father's, and Akane….she had that same gleam in her eyes. _Renzo…her son that was taken away…_

Is that what had caused that spark on her face, visible in this banner, to disappear?

Akane had risen from her seat, and now stood beside me as I examined the banner. I looked over at her carefully. Her eyes were strained on the image of her lost son. She lightly traced his figure with a finger, before her hand fell down back to her side. "He was such a troublemaker," She mused. Her face had a faraway look to it. The look fled as she looked back at me.

"How old was he?" I queried.

"Four," Akane stated, turning away from the banner. "A year before…" She quickly moved away, and returned to her spot by the table. As she did, I walked away from the banner, for some things are best left alone. I settled beside her at the table, and accepted the offered tea at the table. It had a minty flavor to it that I found myself enjoying, for I had had one similar to it before at…

"Rana," Akane began quietly. "Will you tell me something?"

I examined her face, which appeared hesitant and closed off. "Go ahead," I told her with a shrug.

"What is it like…where you are from?" She inquired inquisitive.

I gaped at her from the abruptness of the question. _My home….my people…_I shut my eyes for a moment to shove away the void that ached at these thoughts. "Why are you asking me this?" I demanded harshly, trying not to glare daggers at Akane.

Akane looked at me momentarily like she was taken aback by my reaction. "To understand you better," She answered me calmly. "You know now my pains. I only want to understand, as you have done for me."

"I….I can't," I retorted disconcerted. My hand curled around my cup of tea tightly. The void started to creep in so slowly, seeping in… "I just can't."

Akane looked at me with a bewildered expression. "One day you will be able too, and when you're ready, I'll be here to listen," She said with the intention to comfort. "If you want."

The next hour was spent in idle conversation about the estate, and the surrounding land. Later that day, Akane took me on a walk around the gardens and gave me a tour of the rest of their home. Iwao was always nearby, something I became used to again easily. Ichirou was off in his lessons and later with his playmates, the children of the servants. Masato was off doing whatever it is that he does, but I saw both of them that night at dinner. There I saw the side of Masato I had not seen before, but only glimpses of, that of a loving husband and father. Ichirou would still only barely talk to me, avoiding looking at me and so forth. I pondered slightly over his behavior, but figured it to be his natural prejudices and hatred for me. He is one of _them_ after all.

* * *

That night I sat on my new bed. All of the rest of my things had been packed away by the servants. I had taken a bath in their family washing room, missing the easy way it was done at…

Plus, this was the first time that I had washed alone without Ran since…since I had…

I pulled out the scroll of poetry that Satoru had given me. I had several of the poems so far, enjoying this poet's style. I understood why Satoru considered it a favorite. One poem in particular struck me. It was simple, but somehow I found myself attached to it.

_Out in the marsh reeds _

_A bird cries out in sorrow, _

_As though it had recalled_

_Something better forgotten._

I rolled up the scroll, and set it aside. This poet had a taste for darker poetry, but there was something beyond that, something that I could not place. I fell asleep that night dreaming of a bird that I chased after, but never could catch. The bird would cry with melancholy as I felt tears in my eyes, and that aching void.

* * *

The first week passed there quickly, as if time was there to spite me personally. I spent time with Akane, observing how she ran her household and learned from it. Not that I intended to ever run _that_ place. Akane and I would go outside of the estate, seeing the local village and the forest that surrounded their home. The forest had filled me with awe, for I had never been in such a place before. Trees that towered over me and blocked out the sun with all of their branches. We even took a ride together on one of those monster horned-beasts they use for mounts. Akane told me it is called a Komodo-Rhinoceros. I saw very little of Masato except at the dinners, and the same for Ichirou. Akane told me Masato was attending to matters of the estate.

One evening I was out walking on the northern wall of their estate that kept their home enclosed like _his_. I enjoyed the view for I could see the village nestled on the rolling hill beyond their home, and after that the endless forest that stretched over the rising hills. The sun was starting to sink down in the western sky, creating a soft pink skyline. Iwao lagged behind me, nearby as usual. I was surprised to see Masato leaning up against the side of the ledge, staring out into the distance. His head turned in my direction at the sound of my approach. His eyes, their cursed eyes, looked at me caught unaware, but there was no look of annoyance. Masato wore comfortable clothing, the loose and informal kind that _he_….

"Rana, what are you doing up here?" He questioned me. I halted several feet away from him.

"Walking," I quipped, instantly regretting the sarcasm of my reply.

"I can see that," Masato replied amused. A grin touched the corner of his lips. His head turned away from me, looking back at the view. "I come up here for the view myself."

I took his reaction as an invitation, and precariously closed the gap between us. I stood to the right of him, leaning up against the edge with folded arms. "It is beautiful," I agreed.

"My home has only been within the family since my father," Masato said reflecting. "Did you know that?"

"No," I replied, now alight with curiosity. Their home looked newer, much newer than…

"My brother's home is where I grew up," Masato went on reminiscently. "It has been our ancestral home for generations. This place though, it was awarded to my father by the Fire Lord Sozin himself," Masato finished proudly.

_Fire Lord Sozin….he was the one who had started this horrible war….the one responsible for everything! And now…now his son, Fire Lord Azulon continued his bloody work…._

"Fire Lord Sozin…." I repeated bitterly. Because of that man….my people!...

Masato's head swung quickly to observe my shadowed face. His eyes narrowed. "Sometimes I almost forget where you are from," He declared. "I apologize, Rana."

My eyes looked down at the edge, avoiding his gaze. "I never forget," I stated firmly. I almost jumped at feeling Masato's hand patting my shoulder kindly.

"Of course you don't," Masato replied simply. "You never will." Bitter tears threatened to rise up at his words. It was because of his acknowledgement and strange kindness, but more so because of the simple truth. I pushed them down. Together we stood side by side without another word, watching the pink light turn to a deep purple before we parted ways.

* * *

The very next day I sat in the gardens with Akane, as she worked on embroidering some decorative thing. She had offered to teach me, but I had scoffed at the idea. I could sew clothes when need be, but embroidery was not my thing. I did not have the patience for it. Instead I would chat with her while she worked away on it. Iwao hovered nearby. Akane did not look up from her work as she asked me a sudden question. "Where did you get that necklace from?"

I gaped in momentary surprise. I kept it hidden underneath my clothing, lest anyone see my shame. _The shame that I wore it…but it was the only color of blue I had now_. "How do you know about that?" I replied irritated.

"I've seen it," Akane acknowledged, "It's slipped out from your clothes before, but you mess with it when you're nervous."

"It was a gift," I said between grinding teeth. Akane looked at me momentarily, opening her mouth to respond when a servant intruded on us with a quick bow, whom I had seen before around the household. He was an older man with the usual looks their kind have, but his build spoke of past laborious work. His dark hazel eyes and face kept his true feelings to himself. Akane had told me was that he was the highest amongst the servants, the one she trusted to fulfill out her orders.

"Yori," She greeted him. "What is it?"

Yori replied immediately. "A letter has arrived for Lady Rana." He offered the rolled up paper in his hand towards me with a slight nod.

"Thank you," I said, accepting the letter.

"Is that all?" Akane asked him forwardly.

"Yes, my lady," He returned politely. He did their unusual bow towards us and left without another word. I unrolled the scroll, and almost dropped it in shock. _He…he_…had sent me a _letter_…

_Rana,_

_I sincerely hope this letter finds you in a pleasant mood; otherwise you might destroy it in some fashion. Rather like the time you destroyed my whole wardrobe. Already a week has passed since you left, and I find myself missing your constant fighting with me. When you return, it will only be days before the winter solstice. I will show you how we celebrate the winter solstice. _

_-Your Husband,_

_Katsu_

He was right about one thing. I was tempted to chuck it into the nearby pond. My hands shook as I held it. What was this supposed to mean? I seethed as the fury slithered throughout my being. "Rana, are you alright?" Akane asked concerned.

I looked back up at her kind face. "He…he sent me a letter!" I spat witheringly. Akane's hands enclosed over my shaking ones.

"May I?" She requested. I nodded jerkily. She took the letter into her hands, while mine curled up on my lap into fists. Her eyes scanned the letter, as an amused smile grew on her face. My fury grew at her bemused expression. She thought this was funny? Akane set the letter aside, as she picked her embroidery back up and resumed her work. "Calm down Rana," She said, trying to rid the amusement from her voice. "He's only trying to do his best."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I snapped.

Akane held back an amused snort poorly. "He sent that letter to get a reaction, any sort of reaction from you, which he knew you would." She explained. "Katsu has that typical manly fear that you will forget him."

I took in a sharp intake of breath. Over the last week, I had pushed him to the back of my thoughts. There had been times when I had been able to enjoy myself here. _He_…he always ruined any chance I had for a moment of peace! "Why?" I demanded petulant.

Akane looked up from her embroidery at me. I glared right back at her. "Because he is afraid to lose you," She answered. "And that is because he loves you."

I did not respond to his letter. I refuse to give him that satisfaction! Akane later informed me though that the winter solstice is a time of festivities and celebration, even here in the Fire Nation. My people celebrated its passing as well. She commented that perhaps he would take me somewhere. I had laughed darkly at that idea. He would not take me anywhere where I could have a chance to escape. I was only allowed here for I was with his family.

* * *

The rest of the week passed much as the first week had. I did see more of Masato here and there, and in those times he and I would have actual conversations. I found that he did not hate me as I had first believed, but mistrusted me because of _who_ I am. I could say as much for what I thought of him, but of course I hate all of them! Of course I do…

Ichirou still kept his distance from me. I had asked Akane about it once, and much to my chagrin she had told me Ichirou had a crush on me. She informed me it was nothing to worry about, and that with time it would disappear. He was also extremely shy according to her as well. On the last day before I was to leave, Akane and I were taking a walk through the gardens around midday. The gravel underneath our feet crunched with each step and a light wind caressed our faces.

"Rana, I'm glad you came here," Akane said to me with a warm smile. Her eyes were warm with fondness. I assumed she meant here to her home, and that was what created my response.

"Me too," I responded pleasantly. I had been ecstatic to get away. Though my thoughts would go back too…

"You are?" Akane called me out shocked. "I know you hate being here." It was then that I realized she was glad that I had come _here_, meaning the Fire Nation.

"I thought you meant…" I began immediately. "Of course I hate it here!" I finished acidly. _Of course I hate it here…all of them…_

_Then there was the other though, the thought that had begun to edge in, oh so slowly…not all of them…Akane…Ran…Satoru…Iwao….Ichirou….Masato even…._

I instantly mutilated that chain of thought. Akane ignored my outburst, as she had come to with my many furious outbursts. "Of course you do," Akane murmured, strangely echoing my own thoughts. Her eyes examined me, but touched with empathy.

I felt a peculiar urge fill me, an urge to tell her everything about before, so that she could understand more. So that kind face could cry with me over what had been stolen from me. What I had been stolen from. "At this time of the year," I began slowly and softly, "The winds are cold and the snowstorms fierce because of the winter at my home…."

The words came rushing out, one after another as I told her. She would listen calmly, occasionally ask a question out of curiosity, but mostly she just listened to me. At the end of it all, there were tears in her eyes. They were not only of pity, but of a new understanding of what I felt. Somehow the void shrunk at the back of my mind, leaving me feeling lighter somehow. The next day, Akane, Masato, and Ichirou went with me to the town with the port I had arrived at with Akane. I had felt tears almost come up as I bid them goodbye…

Akane gave me a tight hug. "I'll write to you," She affirmed quietly. "I'm glad you visited my home. You are always welcome here."

"Thank you," I replied, meaning every syllable. Akane had released me, where than Ichirou had come up from behind her. I was startled when he gave me a quick embrace before running off. Akane had failed to hide her amused smile. Masato had chuckled at this, and then came up to me. He did not embrace me, which suited me just fine. "Take care, Rana," He had said firmly.

"You do the same," I responded thickly. I had then boarded the ferry boat with Iwao, my luggage already aboard. I watched them grow into the size of ants as we sailed away from the dock. Now I would be _there_ within hours, back within that gilded cage….

Yet somehow, though I denied it….

The prospect of going back there was not as horrible as I had once thought….

* * *

A/N: Sorry for the lack of an update for so long! On another note, the poem Rana reads is not of my own work as I have done in the past, but is a poem written by the 10th century Japanese poet Ki No Tsurayuki. Thanks for reading and please review! I love to hear your opinions!


	16. Chapter 15: Regret After

Imprisoned Love

Chapter Fifteen:

Regret After

* * *

"_As contraries are known by contraries, so is the delight of presence best known by the torments of absence."_ -Alcibiades

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

I could see him standing on the dock as we had inched up towards the dock. My hands held the railing in a death grip. He was standing in his favorite position, with his arms folded across his chest as if he did not have a care in the world. Instead of the informal, loose clothing he usually wore, he instead was wearing a more formal grey and dark red outfit. The shirt was shorter, with a strip of cloth from the belt hanging decoratively down and had two shoulder spikes. The clothing here was always lighter and thinner, but since the fall had set in, the style now usually maintained longer sleeves. A slighter cooler wind had begun to set it, caressing my face. With the arrival of the winter, the weather was cooler and there was the occasional more rain.

I had let my hair fall free today, being too lazy to put it up at all. Naturally I would never wear their symbol as everyone did here in their top-knots. Even _he_did, I could spot it in his hair right now. A small two-pronged fire symbol, which had the color of their cursed eyes. Our eyes made contact. I refused to stare away, so I glared back at him with what I hoped was an intimidating expression. His eyes were glittering, but guarded. Iwao stood beside me, looking down as he saw what my attention was concentrated on. They had not put the ramp down onto the dock yet. "You do not seem happy to see him," Iwao stated dryly.

I looked over at his face, breaking my attention away from Katsu. "Of course not!" I whispered fiercely.

Iwao's face was blank, as if he were a statue frozen in time. How he was able to hold such control I will never be able to understand. "Of course," He repeated in the bland way he spoke, meaning he revealed nothing in his voice.

The men had set down the ramp onto the dock. I let go of the railing, holding in a frustrated sigh. Iwao followed behind me several feet as I started down the ramp. The journey seemed to last forever as Katsu stared me down. He did not move a muscle until both of my feet were on the dock. Katsu filled the gap between us in several bold strides, a distance that would have taken multiple more steps for me. Now it was I looking up at his face, instead of on the ship as moments before. A weird fluttering began in my stomach I could not explain. "Welcome home," Katsu said softly. He took me up into his arms, holding me as he had when I had left with Akane. Then he released me almost instantly, taking a step back from me. My heart thudded loudly in my chest. The void had almost seemed to disappear in that moment…

Katsu nodded towards Iwao, who had done their usual bow towards him. "I expect a full report," He dictated towards him.

"Yes, my lord," Iwao replied neutrally. His eyes did not meet mine. Iwao reported to Katsu, so that meant he told him everything! Did he tell him what he overheard me speak with to Akane? Satoru? My own private conversations? I knew he reported in the past any time I tried to escape, which was natural. But…but did he report _everything_ to him? My body started to shake in an absolute rage at the thought.

"Does he report everything to you?" I seethed at Katsu in a sudden fury. Katsu looked at me in half surprise and instant regret. His face went on the guard instantly. He looked around the dock, where several men were unloading the ferry with my belongings. Others stood up on the deck of the ferry. It was a public transport after all. Katsu reached out and clasped my forarm, pulling me towards him. I tried to pull away from him, staggering as he pulled me in like a fish on a hook. My free hand hit him repeatedly the chest half-heartedly. I knew he was too strong for me to break free. "Stop making a scene, Rana!" He whispered hurriedly into my ear. His warm breath tickled my ear.

"Then let go of me!" I challenged him back quietly. Both of us glared at each other with relentless, enraged eyes. I was stunned when Katsu let go of me, giving in to my demand. This was the first time he had done such a thing, especially when he was riled up. We both had flaring tempers to match.

"Just wait until we are somewhere private!" He growled lowly.

I batted my eyes up at him condescendingly, smug from my momentary victory. "Of course," I said in false sweetness. "You don't want everyone thinking your wife hates you, do you?"

Katsu's face grew contorted as he struggled to control himself. I was enjoying this, I cannot lie. For once I was in control, for there were witnesses to this who were not of his household. Katsu did not want a public scene. I knew the victory would not last and that I would probably pay for it later, but it was worth it. However small it was. I took the lead up on the path towards the steps cut into the cliff side up ahead. The path that would take us directly into the estate, whose suffocating walls loomed overhead on the top of the cliff side. A tiny smile of grim victory decorated my face, one that soon to disappear.

He waited until we were in our usual stop for fighting, the bedroom. Katsu stood there brooding until the men had deposited my luggage into the room, and he had followed behind them, shutting the door with an ominous thud. He kept his back towards me, one hand leaning against the door. My smug smile disappeared immediately, deciding it would be wiser if he did not see it when he turned around.

"Iwao doesn't report to me of what you talk about or anything like that," Katsu stated heavily. "Only if it pertains to some pathetic escape plan, or where your safety is put into question." Katsu turned around from the door, his arms slipping into their usual position as he leaned up against the door. His face was concentrated on mine. "I'm not a total monster as you'd think, Rana," He added bitterly. My rage had seethed at his comment of pathetic escape plans…I had tried to the best of my ability considering the circumstances! It was the way he dismissed them though that just added to my fury.

_"I was raised in a nation that has been at war for years. I cannot help being what my people made me…" His voice echoed in my thoughts, sparked by his last words. He had said that in one of our many arguments…_

…_.Monsters…all of them!..._

"…_because of your strength, your refusing to give in no matter what the odds are…I have fallen in love with you." His voice went on softly…_

"_War is not a good thing, I think," Satoru thoughtfully stated…_

"_I wish you could do your bending," Akane said sadly…_

Lately, their whispers, contrary to what I believed them to be had started to edge into my thoughts. They were invaders that bided their time, hoping to catch me unaware. Usually I pushed such wrongful thoughts away, but lately it had become more and more difficult to do. "No, you are!" I spat at Katsu, also trying to rid myself of my thoughts. They disappeared, and the fury rightfully took back over.

Katsu looked at me with his bitter smile. "I had been hoping for your return to not mean instant fighting," He ruminated in a dark humor. "It seems my very presence offends you."

"It does!" I snapped. "I wish you were dead!"

The words hung out there, hanging in the air as Katsu's smile slowly disappeared. I held my breath, waiting for an intense reaction. "I believe you," Katsu replied quietly. He turned around and shut the door behind him, this time it was with no loud bang as usual at the end in one of our fights. I stood there bewildered and angry, wondering about his unusual behavior and my own anger at his different reactions. I would rather have had his fury, then his new dark cynicism.

* * *

Soon after, Ran joined me in the bedroom. She entered and gave me the usual bow, but a pleased smile as on her face. Her dark brown eyes were alive. I forced a smile at her, but I was happy to see her. "My lady!" She said excited.

Her excitement was contagious, and made me forget about my anger. I beamed at her, and was amazed at my own initiative. I ran to her, flinging my arms around her. Ran was apparently stunned as well, for her body stiffened when I hugged her, until she relaxed and petted my hair hesitantly. She reminded me of Kanna sometimes. "Are you alright?" She asked concerned.

I let go of her and stepped back. My cheeks were on fire from embarrassment. I patted out pretend wrinkles on my clothing. "I'm fine," I murmured. "Yourself?"

"I am well, my lady," She replied, looking at me with concerned eyes still.

"Your family?"

"They are all well," She answered me happily. "We celebrated Masuzu's fifth birthday a week ago. His lordship always sends her a birthday present. He does that for both of my children!" He sent her children birthday presents? From a noble lord to a servant's children? Even I had learned about their distinction of class here in the Fire Nation. Why would he do such a thing?

Ran saw the apparent surprise on my face. "He's a good man," She praised him. "Not all nobles are like him."

"Does he send birthday presents to all of his servant's children?" I questioned her scathingly.

Her eyes widened. "No, he doesn't," She replied stiffly. "He has always been close as he can be with my children, because of my previous relation with his first wife." That answered that at least. Maybe Masuzu had made him promise to look after her beloved Ran and her family.

"I'm sorry I missed sending her birthday present," I said in partial apology.

"There is no need to say that, my lady!" Ran returned in her own personal horror.

"I'd like to meet them someday," I added, meaning it. They kids…back at…they had always played with me, especially when I had not wanted it. _Takao…._

"Shall I unpack for you?" Ran asked me, pulling me away from that particular memory. I flashed a smile at her.

"No, let's do it together."

* * *

After I had finished unpacking with Ran, I had gone for a walk in the gardens. Iwao was following me as usual. The sun beat down on us, but the crisp wind from earlier was still about. Another person was strolling ahead of us on the path. Who else would be out walking in the gardens, except for the caretaker? The caretaker for the gardens was a scruffy, older man who did not liked to talk to people. He liked plants better then people. I picked up my pace to catch up with the taller figure ahead of me. The person turned around at the sound of my approach. Startled grey eyes met my own pleasantly, surprised ones. "Rana?" Satoru said shocked.

"What are you doing here?" I asked at the same time, but it sounded rude as soon as it had come out. "I'm sorry," I gushed out. "I mean, I've never seen you out in the gardens before."

"Because I usually do not walk in them," Satoru returned with an amused grin. His face was pleased to see me. I could see visible shadows underneath his eyes, revealing a lack of sleep perhaps. Otherwise he had was unchanged. He wore one of his favored outfits of loose pants and a shirt. His colors tended to a darker reds and soft grays. "When did you return?" He added curiously.

"Today," I answered him. Satoru's eyes glanced over at Iwao who stood feet behind me. For some strange reason, these two men seemed to disdain each other. I could tell as much with Satoru, but it was harder to tell with Iwao. He had an impartial reaction to everyone and everything. I understood Satoru's unintended gesture, and jerked my head towards the alcove that I had once hidden in that was meters away. Satoru followed me. We both sat down on the bench. Iwao had taken the hint and had stayed where he was standing. We were both still visible to him, but out of ear shot.

"You really don't like him," I commented, glancing over at Iwao. His attention were trained on Satoru. I looked back over at Satoru, who had glanced at Iwao with dislike.

"I confess," He admitted, but he fell into a teasing expression. "But he does keep you around, and thus my pay!" Satoru had a running joke about this with me, ever since Iwao had initially been dismissed.

"So, why are you in the gardens?" I probed him again.

Satoru merely grinned. "Perhaps because I hoped to run into you, for I know they are one of your usual haunting grounds," He said in false speculation. I hit him on the shoulder, which he touched with an offended look. "You wound me, my lady," He returned. It was hard to believe him when he still had a smile on his face.

I laughed loudly. He could always make me laugh. Somehow, I did not regret opening up to him…just as I had done with Ran and Akane. "Did you have a good time at Lady Akane's home?" Satoru questioned me, becoming more serious.

"It was good to get away from here," I replied honestly, looking around the gardens in partial hatred.

…_A gilded cage…_

"I finished your scroll of poetry," I added thankfully. "Thank you. I enjoyed it a lot. I'll return it at our next lesson."

"Keep it," Satoru responded amiably. "I'm glad to know you liked it. The poet is one of my favorites."

"I can't keep it!" I protested. Books amongst my people were few and precious. They had been to begin with since we are land of ice, but even more since….since the destruction of our city.

"You can," Satoru refused with a kind look. "I have plenty where that came from. Some might argue too much." He chuckled at his last words. I could believe him on that, being the scholar he was.

"Thank you," I told him seriously. "This will be the first scroll I've ever owned."

"And a fine one to own," Satoru finished for me. "The beginnings of your own collection. You should consider taking your own hand at poetry, considering your love for it." I smiled in elated surprise at his last words. The idea had never crossed my mind!

"Do you really think I could?" I asked curiously. I would probably offend all of the poets of the world. I had never tried to write poetry before!

"It never hurts to try," Satoru amended for me. "But on a personal note, I'm positive you'll do great."

I beamed at Satoru. "Rana," He began to say quietly. "I have something that-"

The shadow of a taller figure stretched out over the two of us. "What a lovely little scene," Katsu's voice interrupted. I glared up at Katsu, who stood there with his folded arms. The sun was behind him, making it almost impossible to make out his face.

"My lord," Satoru said politely. He rose to his feet and bowed towards Katsu.

"What were you wanting to ask her?" Katsu asked him coldly.

"Only that she comes to me if she needed help," Satoru answered him. Satoru had turned coldly polite as Katsu had. "With the poetry, of course. I have heard your lordship has tried a hand at it."

"I may have," Katsu said with an air of superiority. He extended out a hand and said with an order in his voice. "Come, Rana. I need to speak with you."

I gave Satoru an apologetic smile. "See you at the next lesson," I said. "Which should be-"

"Not for several more days," Katsu interrupted at me. I had risen from the bench, and shot arrows at him with my eyes.

Satoru stood up, not making eye contact with either of us. He bowed and then said politely. "Excuse me, My lord and lady." He walked off quickly. I took Katsu's hand annoyed at his behavior and the still remembered anger from earlier. His much larger hand swallowed my own. I walked with him as he led me into the house silently. He led us towards the study, and Iwao stayed out in the hallway as we entered the room. Katsu released my hand and turned around to face me, striking me with an imposing look.

"Do you go out of your way to torture me?" He insisted in a tight voice. What was wrong with him? I had only been talking to Satoru, he was my teacher that Katsu paid for!

"The answer to that is obvious," I quipped back irritated.

Katsu stared at me until I looked away uncomfortably. He let out a long sigh of exasperation. "I was hoping to take you to Ember Island to celebrate the winter solstice," Katsu admitted calmly, as if he were extremely tired. My eyes widened. Akane had been right! I let out a snort in disbelief. I had thought the idea impossible.

Katsu frowned at my reaction, and I could see the anger glimmering in his eyes. For once, I was not intentionally doing this to anger him nor did I mean it. "It's not you!" I interceded hurriedly, for some reason feeling the need to explain myself. What was getting into me? "Akane had mentioned the idea you might do something like this," I went on, my voice getting wry at the end. "I didn't believe her."

A sour smile penetrated Katsu's face. "You were right actually," He responded thinly. "I have received word that I am needed. I will be leaving in two days to report in."

I almost did a dance of celebration, but then paused as I remembered when he did last three month tour. The time then had dragged on into a listless boredom. Also, when he had said he meant to take me to Ember Island, a place I knew to be for vacationing and celebrations from what Satoru taught me. My heart had softened, but only a minuscule bit! It was just at the idea of getting away from this place once more!

"This time I will be gone for a six month tour," Katsu went on. What? Six months? I tried to hold down the shudder of all that time alone. He was one of my only companions, even if I do hate him! Part of me was celebrating at his words, and the other….the other was quite confused.

"Why so long?" I inquired with a yawn. I would not reveal…I did not care if he was gone! _I hate him!_

"A rebellion has started in the Hu Xin provinces," He explained. Katsu saw my look of confusion. "The western provinces in the Earth Kingdom."

"At least they have the right idea," I replied coldly. "I'll be cheering for them."

Katsu shot me a glare finally. "I'll double my efforts to make sure you're disappointed then," He said coolly. That was the reaction I was used too!

I gave him a hard smile. "Maybe I'll get lucky and you won't return."

Katsu's eyes turned to blocks of ice, making a shiver run down my spine. This was the anger I was used to and terrified of. I welcomed its return. "Even more reason for me to return," Katsu quipped dryly. "I am your personal hell." I reached out a hand to slap him on the face. He was mocking my pain! Katsu grabbed my hand before it reached its target. We both glared at each other breathless. Suddenly he pulled me towards him, and his lips were down on mine in a furious battle. He fought with fire, and though I feared it….I fought back lest it consume me entirely.

* * *

The next two days passed as if I had never left. Yet there was the shadow of his departure hanging over me. I should have been dancing with joy, but the void within seemed to expand. A major distraction was the bedroom department, which I found myself engaging into willingly. I was escorted by Iwao down to the private dock of the estate to see him off, unlike the last time he had left. I had not even spoken to him than. We stood facing each other on the dock as the ramp from the ferry ship was lowered. He was to report to some city where the navy had ships. I had not really cared to listen to any of these details.

His golden eyes, so light, were distant as he looked down at me. "Don't try any of your stupid escape plans," He muttered. "Outside of the fact you made a promise to me."

"Just because of that, I will!" I snapped in return, the familiar anger came swooping in.

"I'll be back in six months," Katsu said, almost as if it was a vow. "Masato and Akane know of my tour," He added. "They were planning to go to the Capital for the winter solstice….I'm sure Akane will invite you."

I gaped up at him. Why was he saying this? To personally torment me? There is no way he would let me travel with them somewhere, especially when he would be out of the country! "I gave my permission to them, and to Iwao," He went on softly, as if he sensed my thoughts. "As long as you are in the company of Iwao and don't cause too much trouble, you are free to travel around the island as well." My jaw dropped open as I stared at him in complete and utter shock. "There's another noble family on this island. I believe they have a daughter around your age," He went on, ignoring my reaction. "They were there at our wedding feast. I'm sure they would be thrilled to befriend you."

I could only feel as if my heart had stopped. This was not true freedom, not what I truly wanted…but it was a step up from what I had now. Maybe he was finally starting to trust me? I remembered the old scheme I had once thought of, to make him fall in love with my, trust me, and then find the perfect moment when I would make my escape. Perhaps this plan could still work, though it could take years. For the first time, I felt a flicker of hope. Yes, someday…

"What would happen to me," I asked curiously and because of my current train of thought. "If you did not come back?"

Katsu's face became shadowed, but he answered my question. "You would inherit my estate," He said monotone. "You'd have what you want." Katsu touched my hair lightly with one hand, as the other encircled around me. "But luckily I don't plan to fulfill that desire," He said in a dark humor. Again he kissed me with a sudden strong, passion, before he let go of me and stormed onto the ship as if he were fleeing the need to hold me longer.

The ferry ship departed from the dock. I knew he watched me from the deck, as I watched it become a dot on the ocean skyline. He had just given me more freedom then I had ever thought possible from him. The strange thing about it is, he had done it when he would be gone. Perhaps he did it out of knowing how…

I paused as that word had come to my mind…_lonely_…

I destroyed that thought. Lately my thought have been going to places I do not like, and they tend to leave my confused. This confusion in turn only riles up my anger. The ferry ship had disappeared from view. I turned around and started for the walk back up to the estate. Iwao walked behind me as a reminder. My new freedom was still limited and controlled. I would not forget that. No matter what, I am still a prisoner.

_The look in his eyes had been so distant, guarded…_

I would not be thankful to him or pity him! Yet still…

The void within crept in, teasing me with a peculiar combination of slight guilt and regret. But what over exactly, I did not know…

Nor did I care to find out.

* * *

A/N: Because of the several reviews I got, I decided to give out the newest chapter (the day after the last one...) I have been on a bit of creative streak the last several days, thanks to being sick and hiding out in my home. Anyways, thanks for reading and please be amazing and review!


	17. Chapter 16: Lies in Manifestations

Imprisoned Love

Chapter Sixteen:

Lies in Manifestations

* * *

"_One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter."_ –James Earl Jones

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

That very evening, I dined at dinner by myself for the first time since…since his first tour. The food before me on the table was delicious, the spicy scent wafting into the air. Somehow I had begun to _like_ their food, even though it was much spicier then my own people's. We ate more seafood, and did not usually indulge into cooking as exotically as they did. Ran must have interfered with the menu tonight, for there were Fire Cakes on the table. She had learned that I enjoyed them from my multiple trips to the kitchens for food. I had realized than Ran was the head of the servants, which was more than usual for someone who had once been a lady's maid. All of the servants here I recognized by sight, but I had not cared to learn all of their names. Ran had told me a little here and there when I had asked.

I picked up one of the Spice Cakes, examining it before I took a bite. I did not even know the name of the person who cooked my food. The spicy flavor burst onto my tongue as I bit into the warm bread. My eyes were averted from the spot across the table that was usually filled. My dinner passed in silence as I had ignored the feelings that were bothered by that silence.

Iwao followed me as always as I went to enter the study as usual later that week, after the midday meal. Ran had helped me as always, but she had other duties to attend to. I had not had any lessons with Satoru yet. Plus, I would not reveal that I was desperate for…company…. I was used to being rather alone, unusual when compared to my life at the village. Yet now, it was worse than before…

He halted by the door, taking his usual position by the door. I paused as I went to pass him. His golden eyes showed no emotion as I looked at him in indecision. "Won't you join me?" I asked politely, gesturing towards the study. I could not stand the silence…the feeling of…

Iwao eyed me as if I had become insane, from what I could tell anyways. He gazed at me with a face that showed no human emotion. "Why would I do that, my lady?" The torch lights in the hall flickered shadows across his face, making him seem like a pale phantom.

"Because I am commanding you to?" I returned in false bravery. I usually did not dare to order him about. Mostly because of the fact he would not follow any orders I would like to have given. Nothing changed on his face, but I might have sworn that a tiniest of glimmers might have shined in his golden eyes momentarily.

"Alright, my lady," He responded stoically, with the usual bow.

I contained a smug grin of victory as I walked into the study, with Iwao following me into the room. I settled into my usual spot at the low table, pausing to look up at Iwao. He stood near the doorway, standing awkwardly in his usual stance. He looked rather like a statue when he stood that way. "Aren't you going to sit?" I asked him sharply. I had always had a temper, but here in my gilded prison, it had bloomed into a fury.

Iwao's face did not shift even for a moment. "No, my lady," He replied indifferently.

"You'd be a lot more comfortable," I added, hoping to tempt him to sit down. For once I was trying to socialize with this infuriating man! He acted as if nothing mattered, as if he were truly emotionless. I had started to have enough of it, especially this last week. He was one of my only companions.

"No, thank you," Iwao claimed aloof.

"Don't you feel anything?" I demanded suddenly, letting my irritation be released. This had slowly been building up over the weeks since his return. Since….since I had started to befriend them…._the enemy_…

Somehow the line of what they should be…and what…they have _come to be to me_ has started to blur. Where once things were black and white, when I only knew hatred for them, has changed. There were now shades of grey, and in that I was furious at myself and confused. A melded insanity had begun that should not exist, but somehow, just a part of me…

…_Part of me was glad of it…_

Iwao only looked at me with a gaze disinterest. This enticed me to continue. "Aren't you human?" I beseeched him, almost with a tone of desperation. His indifferent attitude disturbed me, but more because of the question I had asked him. _Aren't you human?…They were more than the enemy to me now…_

I glanced down to see Iwao's hand twitch, almost as if he had been tempted to curl it into a fist. Our eyes met again, but his kept the stone cold expression he was so expert at maintaining. Unless I could break it. "Aren't you?" I added again.

Iwao did not break away from my challenging gaze. "Of course I am human, my lady," He articulated at last, his voice still reserved. I had not even pricked a needle through his armor. A soft sigh escaped from me. Iwao bowed towards me as he spoke. "I will take my usual place, my lady." Iwao then turned around and walked out the door as I stared at his back. A thought occurred to me from what Akane had told me. The group that took away her son…the Society…was the same group that trained Iwao. They were the ones who had done this to him, and if I ever had a….

I paused in horror at that thought. That would never happen, I swore to myself, but I hated myself for even letting such a thought occur in my mind.

* * *

The next day I had my first lesson with Satoru since our encounter in the gardens. We sat in our traditional spots by the low table in the study. The sunlight softly lighted the room, warming my skin as it touched me. Iwao was outside of the room as always. Satoru was reviewing the workings of the Fire Nation's style of government underneath their Fire Lord. _Fire Lord Azulon….the son of the man who started the war…Fire Lord Sozin….Father like son, I thought bitterly._

"Currently the only heir to the throne is Crown Prince Iroh," Satoru lectured, "He won't be taking the throne for many years, considering he's only thirteen years old."

"You mean until Azulon kicks the bucket?" I inquired roughly.

Satoru kept down what looked like an amused grin. "Yes," He answered me. "Prince Iroh is said already to be a powerful firebender and quite intelligent."

"So he's already on his way to becoming a murderer," I commented coldly.

Satoru looked at me for a moment in shock. I guess he was not used to anything speaking badly about their royal family, or just speaking the truth. "My lady, you should be careful with your words," He warned me quietly. "Others would not be as accepting as I am." He looked at me gravely. "Your words are safe with me, but you could get into trouble."

"Like I'm not already?" I said tartly. Satoru let out a snort at my statement. He was one of the only people I could speak to openly, and well…one of the only people I did speak to.

"Forgive me, my lady," He said in a partial apology.

"It's alright," I told him seriously. Satoru's grey eyes looked at me intently, almost as if he were hesitating.

"My lady…" He began to say, "I know you hate us, and his lordship…I wanted you to know that if you need any help, just ask it of me."

My eyes widened as I stared at him. What was that supposed to mean? "What do you mean?" I asked him sharply.

Satoru's eyes flickered towards the doorway briefly before returning to my face. He spoke in a low voice. "This is a prison to you. I would help you escape from it…to your people or the Earth Kingdom. Whatever you ask."

My heart began to beat quickly as lightening in a severe storm. _A chance to escape….a real chance because this time I had help!…But I had promised him…_

Yet…why would Satoru do this for me? He would be ruining his life here. His career for me! Why do such a thing? Was this a cruel joke to twist and torment my mind? Yet, I had come to know him. Satoru is…is _a good man._ I had come to think of him fondly. Someone I could trust. When had this happened? The color was drained from my face. Satoru looked at me anxiously. I whispered to him. "Why are you saying this?"

A small frown formed between Satoru's eyebrows. "Because…" He began under his breath, "Because I care about you more then I should."

My heart skidded at his words. Immediately I was in shock, for I had not done anything to make him feel that way….how could he feel this way? A twinge of guilt entertained me. Had I done anything to make him feel this way? I knew he was being sincere. I had come to like him…to trust him…but nothing more than that. Before now, before I had started to befriend him, Ran, and Akane…I would have jumped at his chance to escape. I would have only been thinking of myself.

But now…now I was thinking of him. If he helped me, he would lose everything here and _I knew_ that Katsu would not let me go that easily. His words from before rang in my mind tauntingly… _"I'm not letting you go. No matter what..."_ Would I let Satoru ruin his life for me, especially when I did not feel the same? Would I let him do that?

I let out a long sigh of frustration. For a moment, I wished that I had never gotten to know him. At the same moment, I was glad that I had. "Satoru," I murmured. "I…"

My next words did not get to be spoken for Iwao had silently walked into the room. He stood in front of the doorway as I gaped at him. Satoru followed the direction of my eyes. His grey eyes hardened at once when meeting Iwao's own stone cold ones. Fear flooded into me. Had he heard everything? Of course he had…then he would…to Katsu!

"My lady," Iwao greeted me neutrally with a nod. His golden eyes narrowed at Satoru like a predator. "I should kill you where you stand," Katsu said heartlessly.

Satoru sprang up to his feet slowly, as I followed his action. "Go ahead," Satoru challenged him. "At least I'm not the one helping to keep her a prisoner."

Iwao did not even flinch for a moment. "She is already married, peasant," Iwao mocked him cruelly. "You have fallen in love with a woman who is taken."

"It seems we share the same dilemma," Satoru accused him seething. Both of the men stood with tensed figures. I seemed frozen, incapable of intervening, though I longed to. My body was working against me! It was also Satoru's words that made me feel faint. He was joking right? I looked at Iwao for a confirmation. What he said was impossible!

Iwao stared at him icily. "I am incapable of feeling," He stated callously. "You can ask her yourself."

Finally I seemed to have the will to move and speak. I took a step between the two of them, looking at both of them confidently. "Stop!" I ordered them. They both looked at me surprised by my interruption. The two of them had both been only focused on each other. I held up my hands in a sign of intervention.

"My lady," Iwao began to protest in his indifferent tone.

I kept my position. "No…" I said softly. "Iwao…you will not tell this to Katsu." Iwao looked at me with his golden eyes that seemed to have no feeling. "Satoru…I'm going to forget what was said…"

_Because I am doing this for your own good. Because…because you are my friend._ I wanted to say those words, but held them in.

Satoru gazed at me with a look of hurt, while Iwao seemed to hold his cold indifference. "Iwao," I added with a plea. "Please." I feared he would report it to Katsu anyways…

Iwao looked at me for a long moment. He then bowed, and left the room without another word. I took that action to be a yes. I turned to Satoru who looked at me with a look of hurt and protest. "You love his lordship," He accused me quietly. "That's why…"

I cut him off. "Satoru," I interrupted harshly. "You were right about me. I still hate all of you!" I said those words with the hope of discouragement. _Let him hate me instead…._

Satoru opened his mouth as if he wanted to speak, but instead he whirled around and left the study. I stood in the room, reeling in shock from what had just happened. Slowly I sank to the floor, my legs feeling weak underneath me. What was the truth and what were lies? Is that why…? The hatred between them…Katsu's reaction to Satoru in the gardens…

…_Moon Spirit…Ocean Spirit…_

I had stopped praying to them weeks ago, but now I sent them a silent plea for the answers. Answers that I did not truly want to know.

* * *

A/N: Sorry for such a short chapter. Classes have started so I have little time to write these days. The next chapter will be much longer, but it'll be a while again until I post again. Thanks for reading and please review!


	18. Chapter 17: License for Fabrication

Imprisoned Love

Chapter Seventeen:

License for Fabrication

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"_It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives."_ –Unknown

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

Sleep had not come peacefully to me that night. I had laid in bed, staring with eyes into the darkness, my mind crawling in confusion. Ran rarely helped me to prepare for bed, so I had been blissfully alone. The void was there, taunting me at the shadows of my mind. I had never slept well back at home, for my dreams had always been filled with ash mixed with snow and fiery flames. Yet here…over the last few months….there had been peaceful sleeping…

Tonight though, my dreams were more startling than ever before. When I dreamed of him, they would usually be nightmares. Yet in this dream, it was not that way…

_The moon was half full in a starry sky, creating an eerie silver light in the courtyard. I sat on my favorite bench, looking down at the object in my shaking hands. My hands were settled on my lap, and in my right hand I grasped a knife with aching fingers. The blade was the length of my whole land, and the wicked blade gleamed in the moon's light. _

"_You would rather choose death then me," His voice stated, almost with an air of sadness. It was unlike his usual anger. I looked up in surprise to see him standing across the courtyard. He held a ball of fire inches from his palm, created by his firebending. The firelight danced with the shadows across his face, but it was his eyes were my attention was drawn. They gleamed in the dark. I shuddered at the sight of the fire, and stood up, backing away from the bench. Away from him. "You still hate me….my people….that much," He went on, as if to himself. I halted, but my terrified eyes were still concentrated on that flame in his hand. No….I thought…._

…_.I do not…_

_Once, I had thought all of them to be bloodthirsty demons. Yet I have learned otherwise. I am supposed to hate them. They are supposed to be my enemy. For months I have been twisting in turns and circles in that myriad of confusion. Part of me still did….for what they have done and are doing to my people…_

_But….Ran….Akane….Satoru….even Iwao…._

_And then there was….him…._

"_I don't hate you," I whispered, looking down at the knife. The void was vast then, pressuring me to end it all. "I hate myself for becoming weak." I raised the knife, preparing to plunge it in. I deserved to die, I thought, for being a traitor to my own people! _

"_No!" He yelled desperately. Suddenly the fire was curling around the blade, as if it were a whip of fire. I screeched in horror, dropping the blade as the fire licked around it and snapped it away from me. The blade was flung across the courtyard, clacking loudly as it hit the ground. I had fallen backwards as I had scrambled away from the fire. It disappeared, throwing us back into the light of the moon. He hurried over towards me while this had happened, and now he towered over me like a dark menace. Yet I did not see anger in his face as he kneeled down beside me, only…._

…_.regret….and…..and….fear…._

"_I'm sorry about the fire, Rana," He said softly. I gaped at him, and did not slap away his hand when he touched the side of my face gently. His hand was warm, comforting. Would it be so wrong, I thought for a moment, it helped to keep the void away. Right then and there, the void was gone, as it had been chased away by….him….._

_It was difficult to read his face in the dark, but I could make out his concerned eyes. I used to be terrified of golden eyes, but now…_

…_.Now…._

"_I just want it to end," I confessed in a thin voice. "All of this pain. I just want it to stop."_

"_Let me take it away for you," Katsu replied in a warrior's response. He put his other hand to my face, holding my face in his hands. "Let me help you." I had become used to our physical intimacy, but it had never been soft or tender. It had always been a battle between us. A constant struggle of will. Yet when he bent his head down to kiss me, it was with soft endearment. A true kiss that spoke of deeper feelings. I should have pushed him away. Instead, I met him willingly. Surprised…and touched…by this kiss. I had not known that kisses could be this way…_

* * *

I awoke with a small gasp, sitting up on the bed. Automatically I turned to where he usually slept, expecting him to wake at my reaction. The spot next to me was cold and empty. I closed my eyes, and let out a deep breath. It was just a dream, I told myself, nothing more. Then why did my heart pound not with fear, but by something else entirely? The next morning Ran helped me to prepare for the day as usual. I sat on the low bench in the wash room, looking at her face in the mirror as she brushed my hair. I had pushed the dream away, but now my thoughts were back on the events of the day before. "Ran…" I began to say with apparent hesitation.

She continued to brush my hair softly, but her eyes were on the mirror, looking at me face with concern. "Yes, my lady?"

I averted my eyes, not knowing how to ask the question. "Ran….how…" I began to stutter out. "How do you handle someone whom…cares….for you, but you…"

Ran halted brushing my hair. I kept my eyes down at my hands that I wringed down on my lap. Ran's hand went past my head as she set the brush down on the table, and then to my shoulder. "Are you speaking of his lordship?" She asked me gently.

"No!" I replied instantly, then horrified at my response. Would she report to Katsu…did she report to him like Iwao did? What if he found out? I did not want Satoru to... "Do you report to him?" I demanded, lifting my head up to the mirror. I gazed at her surprised face in the mirror.

"To his lordship?" She responded calmly. "No, not unless you were planning to harm yourself or the like." She paused as if in cautious thought. "I've come to care for you, and though I shouldn't because of our stations….a friend, my lady. And I don't betray my friends."

I had come to care for her as well, but she considered me a _friend_? Just as Akane had without me asking or even realizing it. What had I done to these people to make them like me? I certainly was not the friendliest person to get along with, especially with my random outbursts and fits of anger. I had not been that way at home, but I had always been prone to quick temper. "So, who were you talking about?" Ran inquired kindly. "I promise I won't breathe a word to anyone."

"Satoru," I confessed, looking back down at my hands. "Yesterday…He admitted it to me and then Iwao overheard him. They almost started to fight, but I was able to intervene." I did not mention the part about Iwao, what Satoru had said. It could not be possible, right? I glanced back up at the mirror, glimpsing Ran's pale face that became paler. "I told Satoru that I hated all of you still." To drive him away….to keep him safe… "What should I do now?" I asked her with a plea. Ran's other hand grasped my other shoulder to comfort me.

"The wisest decision would be to dismiss him," Ran started to say simply. "But that would bring his lordship into it. The next best thing would be to distance yourself from him, and his feelings for you will disappear with time." I nodded my head, agreeing with her silently. I had spent most of the night thinking about this. Her advice was what I had thought to do precisely. If I dismissed Satoru, Katsu would want to know the reason why and when it came to hiding anything from that man, it was extremely difficult to do. On the other hand, part of me did want to see Satoru go.

…_.He was my friend, and one of the exclusive people here I had come to trust. I was selfish. I did not want to lose him…._

"Thank you, Ran," I told her sincerely. I turned my head around and up to give her a small smile. She returned it with one of her own. Her hand went past to me to retrieve the hairbrush.

* * *

Later that day, I was to have my lesson with Satoru as usual. Iwao was outside the study as usual. He had not spoken a word to me, but that was not unusual either. I might have sworn that his movements seemed more stiff than usual, but that could have just been my imagination. I sat at the low table, trying to keep my breathing regular. There was no sunlight today, for the sky outside was a depressing grey and soft rain fell down. The sound of the rain hitting the rooftop I found to be of some comfort. There were several torches to light the room on the walls, but they did not make me too nervous. It was only when it was in front of me, or created by them that I became overtaken with fear.

At long last I heard his approaching steps as he came to enter the room. Satoru walked into the room with a tight expression that made me want to wince. He was dressed in a dark red and soft grey outfit. The grey helped to bring attention to his own grey eyes that were shut down as Iwao's usually are. There were shadows underneath his eyes, as if he had not slept well either. He held several scrolls in his arms that he set down on the table without a word. "My lady," He said formally with the usual bow. Satoru then sat down to his spot to the right of me, but it felt as if the distance between was vaster than ever before. It had always been me who had put up the walls and kept my distance. Now for the first time it was him, and I realized that I did not like it one bit.

My tongue felt extremely fuzzy, as if I were incapable of speech. I wanted to tell him I was…sorry…that I did not hate him…Yet instead…

"Satoru," I returned with a cold voice. I could see a quick flash of pain in his eyes that disappeared quickly. "Shall we begin the lesson?"

Satoru gave me a frigid smile. One that held nothing except a barrier of pain. "Of course, my lady," He answered me.

We began the lesson, maintaining that cold distance. After the lesson, when I sat in the study alone I felt a great urge to break out into tears. Somehow I held down the urge, lest Iwao hear me. I was still terrified that he would report to Katsu of what had had happened. Still, I intended to speak to him about it and…what had been said…

* * *

I was foolish perhaps to pursue that answer, but I did not believe it. Besides the fact I had not befriended him like I had Satoru and Ran, and when I had tried my attempts had been shot down. I had become used to him as my silent shadow, my protector from my own foolish escape plans in the past, and sometimes the man I detested for helping to keep me a prisoner. It was after lunch, when I took an often favored walk on the western wall that I made my move to know the truth and to be reassured nothing relating to the issue would make its way back to Katsu.

The view from this wall was one to a glimpse at the dock down below, and then the endless ocean that looked like a dark abyss today. The sky overhead was a still a melancholy gray, but the rain had ceased to pour. The stones were wet and slippery, making me cautious with each step. The wind was strong, pulling stray hairs out of grip of hair clasps. Iwao followed behind me several feet away, used to me taking this route for the occasional walk. There was a slight taste of the ocean in the sea air, something that I enjoyed whenever I could smell it up on this wall. It took me more than a few minutes to gather up my sparse courage, but at last I stopped in my tracks and turned around to face him.

Iwao looked at me with the cold indifference I had become used to from him. Yesterday was the only time I had seen anything close to actual emotion coming from him at all. Even more so then when I had accused him of not being human for the way he seemed to feel nothing. But I believe he did, underneath that thick emotional barrier that was created by the people who created him as a bodyguard. Anyways, it was true was Satoru had claimed, than he would have to feel things. "Is it true?" I beseeched him, getting straight to the point. "What Satoru said…is it…?"

Iwao reflected me with his indifferent gaze. "As my lady has asserted," He interrupted me. "I am incapable of feeling." His dark eyes were as cold as the night sky when I glared at them.

"If that were true, you wouldn't have any issued with admitting that you don't!" I argued defiantly in return. "And if it true….then what you said is exactly what you would say." Iwao's dark gaze held a momentary look of annoyance at my claim, but also seemed to have held a look of pride at accusation. Almost as if he were proud of my insinuation that….

There was a long moment of tense silence. "Satoru misinterpreted what he thinks he understands," Iwao insisted placidly. "He is a fool."

I did not understand what he meant entirely, but I did understand that he was not entirely refuting what Satoru had claimed. _That he did feel something_. I had not wanted to believe it, and felt the whole truth hitting me like a wave after a wave upon the rocks. A shaky breath escaped from my lips. I stared at Iwao in disbelief, and could not keep the horror from my expression. "I don't under-" I started to say.

Iwao cut me off immediately, even then somehow maintaining his respectful formality. "My lady," He entreated me. "Some things are better left untouched."

"But-"

"No word of this will reach his lordship's ears," Iwao added swiftly. "As long as that fool tries nothing again." There was a look of disgust in his eyes that quickly vanished. "And this should never be spoken of again between us." Most of me was glad at his words, yet still….I did not understand what he meant entirely. But instead I merely nodded my head, accepting it as it seemed I had come to accept so many things that I should not have.

When we were headed through the gardens back to the main building, I could see Ran coming towards me. I stopped as she bowed towards me, and I could see a letter in her hands. "A letter for you from the Lady Akane," She told me as she handed it towards me.

"Thanks, Ran," I told her with a smile. Ran gave me a momentary look. I knew she was searching my face to see if everything was alright, based on our conversation from this morning. I gave her a reassuring look, and she bowed, leaving without another word. I recognized Akane's graceful writing, so much unlike my own that still resembled a child's no matter how hard I tried. I still had difficulty reading and did not understand every symbol, but I had become accomplished enough and was still learning. Eagerly I opened the scroll for we had not written to each other since I had left her home.

_To my dearest sister Rana,_

_I pray this letter finds you in good health and spirit, but if not it should cheer you up! Katsu wrote to us before he left for his tour, telling us of your plight. Perhaps he mentioned to you our plans for celebrating the winter solstice? This year we plan to go to the Capital for the celebrations there. They parades and the fireworks are amazing! Katsu requested that we take you with us and one that I do with great pleasure! We will be at your home in two days to pick you up. Your servant Ran should know what types of outfits to take, so don't worry about that. The solstice is in four days, so prepare for good times! _

_Will all of my love,_

_Akane_

A peculiar combination of excitement and relief overtook me. In response to my leaving of this place and to be distracted from…the void…and the feeling that something was…

I smiled. Akane somehow knew to cheer me up even through a mere letter. I would be going to the Capital of the Fire Nation in two days. What if I saw one of them…the hated Royal Family on my part…

I shuddered at the thought. _Monsters…all of…no….not all…_

Many thoughts on what it would be like paraded in my head, but they were not quite large or loud enough to push away the image of Satoru's cold eyes….or the void that whispered more strongly like currents within my mind…or the remembrance of that dream….

…..And within that dream….the confession that I knew to be true now….

* * *

A/N: Wow it has been a long time since I updated. I am sorry, but now I am on winter break! Anyways, please review and thanks for reading!


	19. Chapter 18: Contrary in Waiting

Imprisoned Love

Chapter Eighteen:

Contrary in Waiting 

* * *

_"Nothing hurts more than waiting, since I don't even know what I'm waiting for anymore." _–Unknown

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

For some reason that was beyond reason to me, I was seized by a strange desire to practice on the stupid erhu instrument. It was a struggle for me to learn, but for the first time I found myself enjoying the melancholy music it gave birth to. Though my playing was far below average, if I played slowly the tune would actually start to sound like a song. I sat at my favorite spot on the estate, except I hid under the eaves that surrounded the courtyard. There was a mournful rain that fell again from a dreary sky. Ran had brought me a low, cushioned stool upon my request. Iwao was leaning against one of the poles that supported the eaves.

I was startled when the sound of a single clap filled the momentary silence after I had finished playing one song. I looked up to see Ran walking towards me under the eaves, followed shortly by another woman. It was the woman who clapped, and then stopped a few feet before me. They both bowed towards me. "I apologize for the intrusion, My Lady," Ran stated more formally than usual. "Lady Teruko insisted upon meeting you. You may remember her from your wedding. She is the oldest child of Lord Haruko of the Akazen family."

"Yes, I remember," I said quietly. The Akazen family is the only other noble family on this island. He had told me to meet with them, expressing that they had a daughter around my age. Katsu had only been gone for a week now, and I had yet to take advantage of the new freedom he had given me. What was wrong with me? I made the excuse of it being what had happened with Satoru, and I would be leaving in two days with Akane and her family for the Capital. I looked over at the now rising Teruko from her bow. She seemed to be around my age, and I immediately knew that she was the perfect image of a Fire Nation lady. The kind of woman Katsu should have remarried too.

Teruko was taller than me, but then again everyone seems to be taller than me. I had never given much thought to my looks before coming here, but I found myself jealous of Teruko's gracious curves. I had the figure of a twig in comparison. A very short and temper-tantrum throwing twig. Her face was heart-shaped and as pale as the moon. Her hands were long and graceful. My nails now showed evident care of being a lady, but I felt like a mockery of one. Even Akane did not make me this feel way. Had it been due to our age difference, or the fact that she had a way of making anyone feel comfortable in her presence if she desired it?

Teruko had a lighter shade of brown hair, and only half of it was pulled up into the traditional top-knot. There was the usual symbol of their nation decorated on her hair. She had similar outfits of mine, same kind of material and design, but her outfit was mostly of light pink mixed with red shades. Her eyes were a dark brown that held only an appealing countenance. I saw no hidden agenda on them. In fact her face seemed easy to read like an open scroll. There was no hidden meaning there. She was the first person I had encountered who did not know the truth of who I was. If she found out…it would not bode well.

_Did he trust me now? He must have, or he merely believed I would not expose him out of simple fear for myself as well. I decided on the latter, not wanting to believe the first one for it had to be impossible. For if he truly trusted me….then I would be able to use that against him to make my escape. Promises be damned._

_Yet another thought whispered in my mind: Escape to what?...A war-torn people…The risk of being captured once more?...Yet here….You have…_

I destroyed the whisper, and turned my attention back to Teruko and Ran. "Thank you, Ran," I said to her with a smile. "You may go, but please bring some tea to the dining room." Ran bowed towards me, and left without another word. I stood up from low stool and leaned the erhu against it. "If you would follow me, Lady Teruko." I tilted my head, and started to walk down the covered runway in the direction of the dining room. Satoru had taught me in the manners of etiquette, and one did not turn away a guest. Especially if it was another noble. But I was most curious as to why she had called on me today. When in fact, none of her family had called upon me before. It was possible that they did with Katsu, for I had no idea what he did during the day. That thought almost made me freeze on the spot. I had no idea what he did with his time. What did he do for fun? What was his business? I knew about this poetry by accident. He had always been my personal tormentor to me. The fact that….I knew about his dead wife and child…but who were his friends? Did he have any? He was close to his brother, and Akane had told me about him throwing himself into his military career…

_…I did not truly know him…Other than as my personal hell…_

_….I did not care of course…but there was a tendril of…the ache in my chest seemed suddenly heavier…_

"Your husband is away on a tour," Teruko stated, breaking the silence between us. "My father told me. He had written to us, and expressed a desire for me to befriend you." Well, that would explain her calling up on me now. Typical of Katsu. She followed me as I walked through the doorway in the dining hall. I gestured for her to sit to my left at the low table. Teruko's every movement spoke of a polished grace. I felt clumsy like an oaf in comparison. Ran was a goddess. I do not know how she did it, but there was already the tea waiting to be served and a small dish with fire-cakes on it.

"So he did," I replied softly. I poured a cup of tea for her and myself, and handed one to her first. "I hope you like jasmine tea," I said. "I find that most of the spicier teas are not my favorite."

Teruko accepted the tea with a thankful smile. "Thank you," She said. Her eyes studied the room around us. "I'll admit this is the first time outside of your wedding that I have been here." She paused, and then her curious gaze went back to me. "When we invited to your wedding, the whole island was alive with gossip about you. Everyone down in the village and town is most curious to see you, but you have stayed hidden away here like some captured maiden from a story."

I tensed at her last words, but saw an innocent teasing on her face. She knew nothing, and meant no harm. I gave her a small smile. "It was difficult for me to adjust," I admitted honestly. "I missed my home."

Teruko's eyes grew distant. "Yes," She breathed quietly. "I'll be facing that soon enough as well." I frowned a little at her words. "I'm to be married," She answered me with the happiness leaving her face.

"And you don't want to be?" I queried out of curiosity. "Forgive my intrusion," I added hastily, after seeing her face start to shut down.

"No, I was the one who brought it up," Teruko admitted with a careless shrug. "That was one of the main reasons I was curious to meet you, outside of Lord Katsu's request. You're around the same age as me, and your marriage was arranged as well. Tradition is to be followed." I wondered what expression her face would hold if I told her the truth about my "arranged marriage." An amused grin tugged at my face, while I tried to hold back the cynicism from my face.

"That's a good reason to want to meet me, I suppose," I responded back. Did her mother not talk to her about these things? Of course, I had at least had Kanna….and now Akane…Ran… "I won't lie to you, Lady Teruko…"

"Teruko," She interrupted me. "Please call me by my name."

"Alright," I said in return. Somehow I found myself liking her, against my better judgment. We were around the same age, and it was nice in a way to befriend someone around my age. Back at home….it had only been Hotaka. Yet at the same time I felt awkward around her, due to the fact that I was envious of her looks in a way, and the other I had no idea how to talk to a girl of my own age. "As long as you call me by my name. I've never been one for formality."

"Rana," Teruko responded with a joyful smile. It was hard to not refuse her look of joy. It was contagious.

I smiled fully in return. "Teruko," I said, enjoying the sound of her name. Somehow at that moment I felt connected to her, in a way I was not with Akane or Ran. I could not explain it, but I knew I had found a friend in this girl.

"Is it difficult at first?" Teruko asked me, apparent fear lighting her face. "Being married to a stranger?"

"Yes," I told her honestly. "I hated him at first." My teeth gritted together at my first memories of Katsu. There was a look of shock on Teruko's face. "But it gets better," I went on immediately, lying as I told her this. Perhaps it would be better for her for she is one of them. Not for me though. I was not raised as her, expecting to have my father pick a husband for me, or the fact that I had been married to the enemy. Yet as I told her this lie, there was a strange tugging on the void within me. A feeling that she was not the only one I was lying too.

"How old are you?" Teruko asked me.

"I'll be sixteen this winter."

Teruko gaped at me, before the look vanished from her face. I took a sip of my tea, enjoying the warmth of it spreading through my body. "I had thought you to be older than me," She admitted with a partial laugh. "I'm sorry. I find it funny that I'm getting marriage advice from someone younger than me!"

I half chuckled at her words. "How old are you?" I returned.

"Eighteen," Teruko mused kindly. "You're a bit young to have gotten married. Most of us marry in our early twenties actually." She paused as if in deep thought. "The age difference between me and future husband is also much less." I had to keep the cynical grin that wanted to light my face. That had bothered him when he had found out, and I had used it as a temporary victory over him.

Teruko and I continued to visit with each other for over another hour and a half. We talked about her soon-to-be husband she had not even met. He was the oldest son of another noble family. It was not a particularly noteworthy family for they were much like her's and Katsu's. On the outskirts of nobility and not powerful enough to be of much consequence. Of course there was the little secret I had learned about his family from Akane. Their children became the bodyguards of the Royal Family. Just as Akane's younger son had been taken from her, and a lie told to the world that he was dead.

I found myself connecting to Teruko, and missing the fact that I would be gone for the next few days. I had promised her upon my return to visit her home instead. She told me her family was looking forward to actually meeting me. "My father and Lord Katsu used to be good friends," She had told me. "I remember him visiting all the time when I was a child, back when Masuzu was still alive." A look of regret instantly had sprung on her face at the mention of Masuzu. I had reassured her that it was alright, even though that thought had come to me.

_…He had been happy once….With her in that banner of them together…Smiling..._

Teruko and I had talked about the island, and her memories of growing up here. She had tried to talk to me about my own childhood. I had managed to leeway her from that topic without appearing suspicious at all. I admit that I am eager to see her again, and hoping she does not leave for her marriage for some time. She had told me that the marriage will not take place for months, something I found myself rejoicing with. It was because of Katsu that I had met her, but I found myself not caring. As much as I detest to confessing that at all. Teruko was in some ways naïve, when compared to the experiences I have had. Yet…would I have been the same as her? Happy and naïve for the most part….if there had been no war? If our beautiful city had not been destroyed, and my people scattered across the southern pole? She reminded me of what my people should have…of what I have been like in a different reality. Teruko was kind and naturally shy, but there was also a brave determination under her lady like looks.

* * *

Later that day I sat in the study room, reading a scroll that was about the early history of the Fire Nation. When instead the Fire Lord had merely been the head of the Fire Sages, a council that had led the Fire Nation long ago. The Fire Sages later went on to exclusively serve the Avatar, and then after Avatar Roku's death, the Fire Lord instead. Everyone says that the last Avatar died with the Airbenders. Fire Lord Sozin murdered them over forty years ago, even though their history books claim that the Airbenders were going to attack them. In the southern pole, we did not know all of the Airbenders had been wiped out. We had not seen any in many years. I had only known of them through stories and of how they were a peaceful people, living as monks. It was not until I came here that I learned of this truth through Satoru.

It is assumed by most people of the Fire Nation that the Avatar died along with them. I had always thought Kanna to be wrong back home when she had spoken of hope for a better future. "There is always hope," She would tell me. Even though I had disagreed with her, a small part of me had always wanted to believe her. I had wanted to be able to have her constant hope. If she knew what I knew now, would she still have hope against a truth that destroyed any for a good future? It was futile. I knew that now. Without the Avatar, the world would slowly fall to the Fire Nation. Even if took the rest of this century, until the next arrival of Sozin's comet, they would eventually win. What was the point? I thought bitterly to myself. Why even try to resist against the envitable?

"My Lady?" Ran's voice called out softly.

My thoughts disappeared into the back of my skull as I looked up at her. The formal look from before had vanished from her face. It had been for appearances in front of Teruko I realized. There was a look of slight concern on her face as she bowed towards me. I glimpsed a small scroll in her hand. Would it be another letter from Akane? I had just sent my reply last night. Surely she had not felt the need to respond, given they would be here in day and a half? "Are you alright?" Ran asked me kindly. "You had such a bleak expression when I walked into the room."

"I'm fine," I told her with a tiny smile. Her concern gave me heart somehow. "Just worrying about things beyond my control," I went on, realizing it was true. I am one person. There was nothing I could possibly do to stop a whole war or country. Yet there was still a heavy guilt that lay on my heart, making the void increase. How could I be here, while my people and others suffered daily?

"I have a letter from his lordship," Ran stated, holding out the small scroll to me. There was a sly look on her face that quickly vanished. Slowly I took the letter from her extended hand.

"Thank you, Ran," I told her. A thought came to me suddenly. I had told her once I would like to meet her children. Now I had had free run of the island for a week, and I had yet to use that new freedom! "Ran," I said sincerely, "When I return from the Capital, could I meet your children? Go to your home?"

Ran's eyes widened in surprise. She studied my face carefully before she broke into a full smile. "I would be honored," She said with a bow. I remembered the way her eyes had lit up when she had talked about her husband, and her two children, Ozubon and Masuzu. Katsu paid for Ozubon's education and gave her children birthday presents. Something Ran claimed that was due to her having been Masuzu's maid, whom she had named her child after. Ran left the room, giving me privacy to read Katsu's letter.

I felt a bit of trepidation for it was like his last letter to me when I had been at Akane's, it would send me into a fit. Cautiously I opened the scroll, and began to read the letter that was written in Katsu's graceful, masculine style. Even he had prettier looking writing then I did, and he is a man I thought bitterly.

_Rana-_

_I find myself wondering if you've tried to run yet, given your new freedom to run around the island. But then I find myself remembering your promise and that you have the honor to not break your promises. Hopefully you will enjoy your time with my brother and Akane at the Capital. The festivities there are the best for the winter solstice, even better then at Ember Island. Tomorrow I will be reaching the Fire Nation port in the Earth Kingdom where I am to report to my commanding officer. From there I am to be given my next orders. Clearly I can't go into detail due to the need for military secrecy. And I find myself amused by the idea that you would probably tell any secrets of the like to the Earth Kingdom without hesitation. Is my presence missed by you? I know you won't ever admit to it. But know that you are in my thoughts._

_Your Husband,_

_Katsu_

This letter, like his last one, had me gritting my teeth and fire in my eyes. Akane had been right about men. They were terrified of being forgotten. How was it that he knew me well enough to know my thoughts about escaping and to forget the promise I had made? This was a reminder and a warning from him on the subject. He knows me that well, but how is that I do not know him like that?...There had been dark amusement at his comment about my willingness to use him for military secrets. He was right about that as well though. The last part of his letter made the void enwrap its shadows around me even tight…

_Is my presence missed by you?_

_…No…I thought…Not even after that dream…Or coming to hate the empty spot next to me on the bed…_

_….But know that you are in my thoughts…I could almost hear his voice saying this…_

_….because of your strength, your refusing to give in no matter what the odds are…I have fallen in love with you…._

I shivered, trying to send the memory of his voice away. Yet his words were still there, making the void all the more powerful. I pulled out a piece of blank parchment and wrote my first letter to the man I hate. The man who is my captor. My husband. And the man that I willingly share the pleasures of a bed with.

_Katsu-_

_I do not miss you at all! In fact I am dancing with joy every day that you are gone! These next six months without you will seem like paradise. Tomorrow Akane and your brother will be coming to pick me and up drag me to the Capital. I find myself having daydreams of getting rid of certain leaders who live in the Capital. Don't worry, I'm not that stupid, and Iwao is here to prevent me from doing anything. I shouldn't even respond to your letter for what I was once said about you is still true. You are a waste of ink to be writing to. But I need to entertain myself while you are gone, and I suppose I pity you for you are no longer a commander of your own fleet. You lead the fleet that is destroying my people. Tell me, did you resign from that unit because of me, or is it that you just might have a soul that feels guilty?_

_-Rana_

I smiled with sweet relish after finishing my letter. I would hand it over to Ran immediately to have her send out the letter before I leave on the morrow. I imagined his angry face at reading my letter, and chuckled. I felt much better in that moment that I had had all week. Best of all tomorrow I would be leaving this place for a short while._ He signed the letter as your husband my deceiving mind thought…why…_

I rolled up the letter into a scroll, and bound it with a piece of string. I might have called him that in my thoughts, but it did not mean it was true. One day I would be free of this place. Free of him. I had sworn that to myself. Even if took years to be free. When the day comes to make my choice, I would choose my freedom without a secondary thought!

_…Yet why did the void not shrink at this thought…Instead…_

_…I felt so…_

_…Alone…_

* * *

__

A/N: Thanks for reading and please review! I do love to hear what everyone thinks! The next chapter is going to be a longer one, so it may take me some time to write. Remember that this story is a prequel to my main OC story, Some Distant Day, which is the story of Rana's grandaughter, whom is the bodygaurd to none other then Prince Zuko! Go check it out!


	20. Chapter 19: The Winter Solstice

Imprisoned Love

Chapter Nineteen: 

The Winter Solstice

* * *

"_Time is the fire in which we burn."_ -Delmore Schwartz, "Calmly We Walk Through This April's Day," 1937 (_Thanks, George)_

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

Early the next morning I had eaten breakfast by myself as I usually did. I vainly tried to ignore the spot where _he _usually sat. Instead I entertained myself by reading a scroll about the little known history of the Sun People. Apparently they were an ancient civilization thousands of years ago and the ancestors of the Fire Nation. If I ever was able to escape and return to my people, I would know much that could prove useful to my people on the long term. Sometimes these thoughts came to my mind, haunting me like a cruel whisper for I knew the chances to be slim. The dream of escape, of freedom itself, seemed to slip away with each passing day. Yet I held on to that smallest of hopes for someday I would be free. Even if took me years. I looked up at the sound of several people walking into the dining room. Standing at the entranceway stood Akane, Masato, and Ichirou. I knew that they would be arriving sometime today. Last night Ran and I had packed for the upcoming trip with them.

None of them had changed a day of course. It had only been over three weeks now since I had been to their home, yet it felt like it had been months for me. Ichirou was for once dressed in a looser pair and non-formal clothes of his usual red and grey uniform. The staunch black and light red of his new garment contrasted well with his pale skin and black hair. Akane was dressed in her robes, but with a lighter color of a soft brown and red. Masato was dressed in his formal dark red outfit with the usual spikes on the shoulders. I stood to my feed immediately and bowed towards them as they did the same. It was Akane who rushed towards me with a jubilant smile. She threw her arms around me. "Rana!" She exclaimed with pleasure. "I'm so happy to see you!"

"Me too, Akane," I replied honestly after returning her hug. She released me after a moment. I looked over towards Ichirou and Masato. "Hello, Ichirou," I greeted him with a smile. Ichirou looked at me with wide eyes and a pink blush grew on his cheeks.

"Hi, Aunt Rana," He mumbled out quietly. Even though I had stayed at his home for two weeks, he had managed to avoid me or mumble hello and run off on any of our encounters.

"Rana," Masato addressed me with a solemn face. There was a shining in his eyes though. The same eyes as his brother. They did not look at me as the same as his brother's did, but it still reminded me of them. The void ached slightly at this thought.

Soon enough I was on a small ferry with Akane and her family, heading on our way for the Capital. The day was not too dismal for it had not rained yet. There was only a cooler wind and a grey sky. Being on the ferry set me in a good mood though for I felt the waves underneath me and the air tasted like the sea. Ran and I had bidden each other a brief farewell. I would be back at the end of the week. Iwao had come as his silent shadow, and I had not seen a sign of Satoru since my last lesson. Akane and I chatted about what we had missed out on with each other since we had last seen each other. Somehow being in her company drove away the void in ways. I did not tell her about Satoru and Iwao, but I did tell her about Teruko. "You've a new friend?" Akane had said in mock horror. "I never thought this day would come!" Then the teasing had slid away from her hazel eyes, instead replaced by a genuine kindness. "I'm glad of this for you," She had said quietly. "It's always good to be friends with someone your own age."

* * *

We traveled by the ferry until mid-afternoon. A few other boats passed us in the distance, but I did not see any of their military ships. The great ones made of metal that drove fear into the hearts of my people. I was relieved to not have seen one yet since the day I had been captured. Finally we reached the Capital and the island it located at. I had learned from Satoru that the Capital lies in the crater of a dead volcano and that the surrounding land is rather hilly all together. I stood beside Akane and gaped up in partial awe at the Great Gates of Azulon as we sailed into the harbor. The Great Gates of Azulon are at the beginning of the harbor. One huge statue towering hundreds of feet into the air was the image of Fire Lord Azulon. Opposing him on opposite sides were two large statues of intimidating looking dragons. These people could make such beautiful things and breathtaking structures, I thought, but yet they are…I paused. The thought had been _evil_ at first, but had turned into…._capable of such evil…_I wondered what my people would say to me if they knew how my thoughts had betrayed me. _Had I become a traitor to my own people?_

I continued to gape in awe at the scene before me. There were the docks and buildings that seemed to be many more then I had ever seen before. It was the view that led up the gigantic volcano. The volcano itself was massive and covered in green foliage. The surrounding countryside was rolling green hills and cliff sides. A large path that started out as a plaza at the docks zigzagged up the sides of the volcano, leading into its caldera where the Royal Palace and city laid. Only nobility was allowed into the city I had learned. Any commoners had to be personally invited by the Fire Lord himself, unless they were a servant or such. Iwao was with me naturally, but his presence would not be in need of explanation to most anyways. He had a way of not even being noticed, something I've taken he was trained to do.

Masato led the way down the ramp onto the dock with Ichirou following closely behind. Akane had looked my face and then taken my hand into her own with a quiet smile. We walked down the ramp together as I tried to contain my trembling nerves. Many people milled about the docks attending their own business. My hold on Akane's hand tightened when I first spotted the familiar armor and helmets of their soldiers walking a distance away from us. I averted my eyes away instantly. "It's alright, Rana," Akane whispered to me. "They won't hurt you." I looked over at her face to see it open with concern. My grip did not loosen until we had passed the group of soldiers.

We made our way up to the top of the volcano by transport. A simple, but elegant looking ride drawn by a Komodo-Rhinoceros. I had thought I had been shocked enough by the grand beauty of the place, but I was again taken aback when we had reached the crest of the volcano. Inside the caldera was the Capital City and I had blinked several times in astonishment. The Royal Palace was located in the center of the caldera with large walls closing it off from the rest of the city. I had read that only the elite of the Fire Nation dwelled here. There were grand looking homes and buildingx in the rest of the crater. "Look over there, Rana!" Ichirou told me, gesturing towards a building with a large courtyard. It was located near a small lake. "That's the Coronation Temple and Plaza!" Ichirou held a proud look in his face. He sat on the other side of Akane, whom I was sitting next to. Our ride started to make the journey downwards into the crater.

"Have you been here before?" I asked him. I was a little surprised he had spoken to me. He rarely did.

"Yes," Ichirou announced to me grandly. "Twice, but it's been couple of years since mom and dad brought me here. They say it's because we don't have a house here."

"You don't?" I inquired, turning my question to Akane. "Satoru taught me that the nobility have houses here." I glanced over at Iwao who sat behind me. His face expressed nothing at the mention of Satoru.

"Only those who are important enough or from the oldest families," Akane responded. "We are neither," She said, but I could see the glimmer of the secret in her eyes. The secret of the Suzuki family.

"Where are we staying then?"

"With a family friend," Masato interrupted from the seat in front of us. "He's a childhood friend of mine and Katsu's. We always stay with him when we come to the Capital."

I nodded, wondering who this friend was exactly. I am sure Iwao knew all of this beforehand, so I supposed it to be my own fault for not asking him. We made our way into the caldera going forth through the grand streets. I saw guards not dressed as soldiers, but in a different outfit entirely. One suited for the weather of the Fire Nation. I knew that they had to be a part of the force meant specifically for defending the Fire Nation. There were people on the streets, dressed in clothes that spoke of their wealth. There were a few servants running about here and there, but this place was meant for the powerful and wealthy.

* * *

Eventually we halted in front of a smaller villa that was south of the Coronation Temple. A wall surrounded the villa with a single gated entrance into it. It looked similar to the ones around it and there was nothing that made it stick out in particular. Masato had already climbed out and was helping Akane to exit out of the cart. I was starting to stand to get out as well when a man came out of the gate with wide strides. "Masato!" He called loudly. His voice was deep enough to sound masculine, but there was a seductive tone to it. "It's about time you arrived!" Masato held his hands on Akane's waist as he swung her out from the cart. She beamed a smile at the man that approached us. Masato clasped his forearm with the man's before breaking into a hug. I was startled to see such plain affection on Masato's face, something I had only gotten a glimpse of here and there. He was a much more reserved man than his brother when it came to showing emotion openly, but he had always been expressive with his wife and son.

The man in question had to be his friend. He was only a hair width's taller than Masato, but not a looming figure as Katsu is. His hair was in the customary top-knot and decorated with a red emblem of their nation. His hair was true ebony and his clothes were traditional robes in black and red with the two shoulder prongs. I almost blushed when his went to meet mine for I had never seen a man who was so….._beautiful. _He truly looked like a seducer of women for his face had all of the right angles. Masato and Katsu could not hold a candle up to this man, but then Katsu was not exactly handsome. This man's eyes were a darker shade of gold, almost a tan color and framed by eyelashes that should have been on a woman. Akane and Ichirou, whom had climbed out of the transport, both bowed towards the man as he pulled out of his hug with Masato.

"Akane, it's a pleasure as always and young Ichirou," He said in greeting, but his eyes were centered on me. I blushed, but could not look away. "So….this is her," He declared with a teasing grin. He walked towards the cart and held out his hand for me. My attempted smile turned into a grimace as I took his offered hand. He swung me out of the cart with no effort at all. I bowed towards him as soon as my feet were on the ground. Satoru would be proud of his efforts in instilling me with Fire Nation custom….if he did not hate me at least. I pushed the thought of him aside. The man before me bowed as well. "My name's Kuro," He told me politely. "Katsu didn't tell me you were so beautiful," He added with a sly wink.

I mumbled a thank you, but was unable to elicit any more than that. "Stop teasing her, Kuro," Masato intervened. He pulled the man's attention back to himself, which I was grateful for. "Why don't you invite us inside like a proper host?" Kuro barked out a laugh and chatted amiably with Masato as he led us inside of his home.

I walked beside Akane in a rather muted embarrassment. He….he had not been what I had been expecting to say in the least. "Don't worry. The affect wears off eventually," Akane murmured to me with a cheeky grin. "He has that affect on everyone the first time they meet him."

"Including you?" I quipped in return, jubilant that speech had returned to me.

Akane nudged me with her elbow, but there was a smile in her eyes. "Naturally," She replied briskly.

"How do they know him?" I queried in puzzlement. He seemed quite different from Masato and Katsu.

"He's been a friend since they were children," She reported. We had now walked into what was a small courtyard in front of Kuro's home. There was a small garden and pond as well, giving the feeling of a miniature heaven. Several servants scurried past us to presumably go collect our things. Masato walked inside of the house through a rather imposing door that stood at the top of a set of stairs. Kuro was beside him chatting endlessly and Ichirou was stuck to his side like glue. I had seen the visible hero worship in his eyes.

"Is he in the military?" I went on as I walked up the stairs.

Akane let out a loud laugh. "Agni no," She sniffled with humor. "I could never picture him doing that. No, he took the other route into politics."

I nodded and wondered what was so amusing about my question. We arrived into the main hallway of his home, which was softly lit by several torches. The dark wood and banners on the walls made me feel as if I were at my own….

…_.home…._

…_.When had it become that name to me?..._

Kuro showed us to separate bedrooms and commanded for us to wash up and rest before taking lunch with him. I was given my own bedroom that was next to Masato's and Akane's. Ichirou's bedroom was on the other side of me. Akane told me that Kuro's bedroom was down the hallway actually. He did not have a separate wing for guests like they did or at my…

But his place was of newer and higher expense than ours. That much I could tell. He was also unmarried and by the looks of it between the ages of Katsu and Masato. This was indeed a "bachelor house" as Akane had put it for me. I freshened up in what was a shared washroom and was shown the way to the dining room by a servant. Iwao followed me as he had waited in the hallway with his never-ending patience. When I arrived there it was only Kuro. The other three must be taking their sweet time, I thought to myself. The dining room was simple and grand at the same time. It breathed of expensive, but not overdoing it. There was a low table in the center of the room surrounded by comfy cushions. There were a few decorative pieces along spread throughout the room and a large banner with the emblem of their nation. Somehow I had grown used to the sight of it and it did not send me entry a frenzy of fear as it once had. "Rana," Kuro addressed me with a bow. I bowed in return. He settled himself onto a cushion and gestured for me sit across from him.

I sat down and eyed him cautiously. This man was difficult for me to figure out. How much had Katsu told him? Most likely very little I thought, assuming he did not know the truth about me. He glanced over at Iwao who hovered at the entrance of the room, but said nothing. "So how's the married life?" He drawled with a winsome smile. "It's been what….almost six months now that you've been married?"

_Six months?_ Had it truly been that long since….It seemed almost impossible. It seemed so long ago, yet six months is barely anytime at all. So much has happened since that day….and some things have changed….

"Tiresome," I managed to spit out with a yawn. Kuro definitely seemed the teasing type. He let out a loud guffaw at my response.

"If Katsu were here to hear that!" He exclaimed amused. "Sweet Agni….he did tell me you were a handful."

"What else did he say?" I asked suspiciously. Kuro gave me knowing smile at my words. He paused to pour some tea for the two of us while we waited. I took the offered cup ad held back a grimace at the smell of one their spicy teas I did not like.

Kuro took a sip, prolonging his response. "He told me you are the bravest person he knows….and that was the first thing he loved you for." Kuro said this with no teasing smile or look, but one of complete sincerity. "I've known Katsu all of my life, but I cannot tell you what joy it brings me to know that he is happy again. Thanks to you."

This beautiful man said these words to me. Usually I would have looked away or at least tried to refute his words. I could not say anything. I do not know if it was because I was hypnotized by this man or if because….

"Sorry for taking so long," Masato called out to us as he entered the room. I blinked as my trance was broken. Akane, Masato, and Ichirou had decided to join us at long last. Soon enough I was eating contently and listening to stories from Masato's and Ruko's childhood. Akane and Ichirou had clearly heard these stories before, but still laughed at all the right moments. I heard the stories about their childhood pranks and escapes, ones that included Katsu as well. It was peculiar for….for I had not thought to hear about him in such a way. We were to stay at the Capital for another two days for the next night would be the celebration of the winter solstice. An all night event apparently with fireworks and a large parade. Tonight we were to be at our own leisure for entertainment, though Ruko did offer to take me on a tour of the Capital. Perhaps I should have stayed bordered up in the house, but I accepted his offer eagerly for this place…..though it is the den of the enemy….it had a beautiful allure to it.

* * *

After our meal was finished, Akane and Masato took off to….I did not want to ask. Ichirou disappeared before I even had a chance to ask the boy what his plans were. This left Kuro to take me on the promised tour of the city. He led me through the streets and pointed out the important houses of significant families and persons. My favorite was the local gardens open to all who dwelled within the caldera for they were extensive enough and quite beautiful. There were children playing freely there without a care in the world. The children….back….they held the look of adults in their eyes. Here….there was no such look in these children's eyes…

We skirted around the edge of the Royal Palace, whose imposing walls seemed more of a prison to me then to keep the likes of us out. Kuro showed me a glimpse of the Coronation Temple and the Temple of the Fire Sages. It was already entering the late evening when he took me for a climb to western edge of the caldera for his favorite sight, or so he told me. The day had been a beautiful one with a clear sky and few clouds. The sun was setting when we reached the summit of the edge of the caldera and I found Ruko to have been quite right. The sight before me was one of a brilliant orange sunset against rolling green hills and the ocean to the south. It was captivating. Ruko had been the proper guide giving stories and facts about each sight he had taken me too, but now he stood in silence with me as we watched the sunset together. Iwao stood nearby as the silent shadow. I had been the tiniest curious as to why Ruko had not inquired about him, but for all I know bodyguards could be commonplace here.

"This is my favorite view," Ruko revealed with a wink. "It's great place to take the ladies."

I could not check in the grin at his words. He was very much one for humor. I wondered again as to why he was not married. Clearly he was of wealth, position, and not to mention one of the most beautiful men I had ever seen. I had started to gain my ability to be capable of speech around him somewhat. "Not if their running away," I muttered underneath my breath, but to my embarrassment Kuro heard my remark. While he made one incapable of speech, he also had the ability to make you feel entirely comfortable around him. As if you have known him for years. I knew few people who were capable of this, but then again my exposure to a lot of people had always been limited. Even back at…

Kuro chuckled at my words. "Katsu did mention you had quite the mouth."

"How sweet of him," I replied as I tried to keep from rolling my eyes. Kuro gave me a small smile.

"I decided I like you," He alleged in mock formality. "Which is good for you anyways. Did I mention that I am a man of some importance?"

"What do you do exactly?" I asked curiously. "Akane mentioned that you were in politics?"

Kuro snorted at that. "That's a nice way of putting it," He informed me in good humor. "I'm an official who oversees the proper...disposal of the city's refuse."

"You take out their trash?" I blurted out.

Kuro gave me a look of injury that was ruined by the laughter in his eyes. "If you want to put it that way," He responded with a wave of his hand. "But I am the overseer of the whole operation, so I don't actually touch anything."

I was laughing inside the whole walk back to his home.

* * *

The next day was spent in leisure for I went with Akane to a spa. Apparently it is a place for women to relax and make themselves beautiful. I found the whole experience to be torturous, especially when they attempted to put make-up on me. Such things were rare and expensive back at….I never let Ran put any on me….

Yet Akane had begged me, so I had relented and let them do a little on me. The look on Masato, Ichirou, and Kuro's face when the next saw me cheered me up a little. Ichirou had blushed and run off without saying a word, while Masato had merely gaped. Kuro was immediately singing me praises that made me blush. That night the streets were alive with booths and games. There was a parade that started down at the docks and came all the way up the caldera. We ate spicy treats that did not agree to well with my stomach. There was some spiced wine that I did enjoy, but after the second cup Akane did not give me anymore. Things had started to become a bit fuzzy around then, but after several hours without the wine it became clear again. My least favorite part was the fireworks shows. I had never seen fireworks before, except for when….

_When they had been flaming balls of fire…..destroying our beautiful city…._

They had been beautiful, but very loud. Sounding like….

_All of the screaming and the crying….ash mixed with snow…._

I held Akane's hand tightly during the whole thing, but could not take my eyes away from the brilliant colors that danced in the night sky. They were so beautiful…..yet dangerous….

We all went to bed in the morning hours and slept until the afternoon. That night we dined with Kuro and after Ichirou was sent to bed, the four of us regaled each other with stories into the night. I did not contribute to this much, but was an avid listener. Masato's stories about his travels to the Earth Kingdom I found to be of interest. There was so much in the world I had never seen…._and never will….I had been ignorant before, but at least here I had been able to read about such places….._

We left the next morning, saying our goodbyes to Kuro before the sun had broken midday. He had bidden us farwell in his courtyard, hugging Masato and demanding he visit again soon. Akane, Ichirou, and I had bowed to him. Iwao clung to me nearby. He had not spoken a word since we had left..._home…_Before I went to make my way out of the courtyard, Kuro had pulled me aside for a moment. "Take care of him," He urged me. There was a silent request in his eyes. "He's finally found you after all these years. He needs you."

I looked into his beautiful face and golden eyes. There was something there I recognized immediately, but did not place at the time. I merely nodded for I was incapable of speech…._and I did not want to lie to him…yet….who would I be…_

I had nodded my head and then fled before he could say more. On the ferry I had leaned against the railing, watching as the island that the Capital was on began to grow smaller. I thought about my trip there and how it had been a celebration of the winter solstice, a day that is also celebrated by my people. I was thankful to the spirits that there had never been a sign of their royalty in public. Yet…..the thing that bothered me the most was Kuro's parting words.

Akane stood next to me in my silence. Masato was off entertaining Ichirou on the other side of the deck, and Iwao was somewhere nearby. The ferry rolled slightly with the waves and I breathed in the salty air deeply. "Why isn't Kuro married?" I demanded, turning my head to look at Akane. "He's rich and well….you know." She pursued her lips and shifted about looking…._uncomfortable_…

_Huh?_

"It's not something we talk about," Akane confessed in a low voice. "It's not socially acceptable, but those of us who are close to him know. And that is few in between to begin with." I still did not catch her meaning, which showed on my face. Akane sighed softly. "He likes men," She muttered. The blood left my face. _Men….can do that…? The idea had never crossed my mind that people might….huh…._

I did not know what to think. This was something that was obviously not acceptable publicly, but Akane seemed comfortable enough with it. She had acted normal around him. "Does that bother you?" I finally managed to ask.

Akane shrugged and still managed to make it look elegant. "No, but I have known him for a long time," She quietly admitted. "Though in general, I find it rather….disturbing I suppose."

"Weird," I muttered, turning my gaze back to the ocean. "I never knew of such a thing."

"What do you think?" Akane asked me in return, at last being the questioner.

"I don't know," I attested with a frown. "I like Ruko, so I guess its fine. Each to their own, I suppose." At this thought….when Ruko said those words that haunted me now….wanting me to promise to take care of….._There had been that look in his eyes, however brief, one that I become accustomed to…..One of loving someone who does not feel the same…._

I wondered if any of them knew, especially if _he_ did…..

* * *

A/N: Wow, it has been a long time since I updated this story. Sorry, dear readers. There will be more soon though due to spring break coming up for me! Thanks for reading and please review. This chapter was a difficult one for me to write.


	21. Chapter 20: Restitution

Imprisoned Love

Chapter Twenty:

Restitution

* * *

"_Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and fans the bonfire." _-François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

My return to the island was a quiet one. I bid farewell to Akane and promised one of us would visit each other soon. Ichirou had said nothing as usual and Masato had said goodbye with a full smile. It was a genuine smile that he truly meant this time. I find myself constantly comparing him to his brother in my head, but mostly there is an ache in my chest whenever I meet his eyes. Still, it had been good to escape from this empty place for several days. I was glad to see and Ran. I still remembered my request to visit her family upon my return. There was a letter for me upon my arrival, in response to the first letter I had written him.

_Dear Rana,_

_How did you like the Capital City? The celebrations for the Winter Solstice? I'm sorry I wasn't there to take you to Ember Island as I had said I would. Your letter was quite expressive…..do you miss me that much? I can't believe I've already been gone for one month. I'm sure you are terribly upset at the idea of my absence for another five months._

_Your Husband,_

_Katsu_

I could almost hear his mocking sarcasm in the last sentence. As if he was standing beside me, drawling in my ear right now. I was standing in my bedroom for I had only been home for minutes. Instead of starting to unpack, I stormed out of the room towards the study. In moments there was a brush in my hand as I furiously wrote a response. Even now when he was an ocean away he still managed to rile me up! Part of me knew, even as I was writing the letter, that he could still probably see through my lies even on paper.

_Katsu-_

_The Capital City was alright and as for the celebrations, I've seen better elsewhere! The best part about it though was your absence! This last month has been the only time I've had any sort of happiness here in the Fire Nation. I hope you get run over by a Komodo-Rhinoceros._

_-Rana_

I knew it sounded rather childish, but I could not help to feel giddy as I wrote it. I could just the annoyed expression on his face as he read it. Ha! That night though was such a contradiction to my letter for this dream, like the last one had a way of making the void hurt like no other….

_It seemed the inner courtyard was my favorite place to dream about. My dreams of ash mixed with snow had started to disappear, but over the last month they had returned with a vengeance. This dream, unlike the last one, was during the broad daylight. I was sitting on the bench and basking in the warmth of the sun's embrace. He walked into the courtyard and held his arms open, as if he were waiting for me to run into arms or as if it were a sign of peace. "I'm returned," He announced. Those eyes were looking at me with no hidden agenda, but I saw a hunger there that made me shiver. _

_I did not leave my spot on the bench. I knew that this was only a dream. It was not real! "So?" I drawled out. "It's not like I care."_

"_I think you do," Katsu persisted. His arms fell down to his side slowly. "More then you want to admit."_

"_Now that's a lie!" I spat at him. My hands curled into fists. Even my dream Katsu made me furious! _

_Katsu gave me a knowing smirk. I bolted to my feet and stormed over to slap him. When was the last time I had actually managed to slap him? At least here in my dream I could get away with it! Yet….he did nothing when I raised my arm. He only looked down at me and waited patiently. The urge to slap him started to dissipate and my hand fell down uselessly to my side. "Even in my dreams I can't hurt you," I griped under my breath._

"_Perhaps you feel something," Katsu encouraged me. There was that familiar light in his eyes, one that usually made me run in the other direction. Yet here in my dream….it did not count, right? I did not say anything, but wrapped my hands around his neck. He bent his down to kiss me. This one had been like the last one in my other dream. Sweet, intoxicating, and speaking of things better left untouched. Part of me…..part of me almost wished it was real…._

* * *

The dream haunted me the preceding day becoming the center of my thoughts. It was a constant torment for the following week, especially when such similar dreams followed it with rapid ascension. My first week back I visited Ran's family and home as I had asked to do. I had been charmed by her children and husband, in fact I had been…..envious of her apparent happiness in a way. My lessons with Satoru continued with a silent coldness between us. Every time it stabbed at the void and I felt horrid…..he was one of my only friends. His coldness to me and that of my own icy behavior left a prickling in my chest I would not have thought possible. I wished things could be as they had been before between us.

At long last I decided to take advantage of my new found freedoms. I visited Teruko and her family at their estate. Her parents, Lord Haruko and Lady Riku, were kind enough people. Teruko looked very much like her mother. She also had two younger siblings. Ichiro, age seven, whom is the heir of the estate. He was a shy little thing that kept to himself and then there was her sister Suzu. Suzu is a capricious ten year old that made me smile often while I was there. It was good to see Teruko again to become closer with her. Her wedding is not for months and in a short time we became frequent visitors to each other's homes on a weekly basis.

I also started to visit Ran's home once in a while as well. One day I finally worked up the courage to visit the town and several villages on the island. Everyone was respectful and polite, but still maintained their distance from me. Ran told me it was partially out of respect and the other was reserving judgment until they knew my character better. Iwao did not show any annoyance about me now running around the island, but I am sure it irked him to some degree. Weeks passed and my life settled into a routine of visits with Teruko, sometimes Ran's home, around the island, and lessons with Satoru continued. The nightmares had returned and the dreams of him did not dissipate. Akane and I exchanged letters every other week, but the letters that I truly….His third letter to my last response did not come until two weeks after my return to…_home_…

_Dear Rana,_

_I know you had a good time. Ruko told me you did. What did you think of him? He's been a friend since I was a child. He's a good man. Too bad for you I didn't get run over by a __Komodo-Rhinoceros, but at Earthbender did try to kill me yesterday. Does that please you? I'm sure you've heard rumors about the rebellion here. They are more difficult put an end to then originally thought._

_Your Husband,_

_Katsu_

I had heard rumors flying around in the town and Lord Haruko had mentioned it to me. Were there many battles in there? Was he fighting in the front or hiding like a coward in his tent? I preferred to imagine the latter.

_Katsu-_

_Ruko was interesting and much more handsome then you. You can't even hold a candle next to him! How many recent near-death experiences have you had? I met Teruko and her family by the way, but I'm sure you already know that. I like her. She's much better company than you ever were. But things are….things are perfect without you here!_

_-Rana_

His next response was an even longer wait for it was three weeks until I received it.

_Dear Rana,_

_I apologize for such a late response. Things have not been going well here. I had a dream about you last night. For once you looked at me without hatred. It was a good dream. I'm glad you've met Teruko and her kin. I used to be close with them once, which is a sad remedy I should fix. The near-death experiences have been in abundance of late, but don't get too excited by the idea. I don't plan on dying anytime soon._

_You'll probably tear up this letter since I write this. _

_I love you._

_Your Husband,_

_Katsu_

He was right. I did tear it up when I read those words. The words….those three words…had somehow been on one of the torn pieces of paper. It had lain on the bedspread, glaring up at me with such three little words. _Moon Spirit….Ocean Spirit….How I hate him…._

* * *

Things continued in my life that had a semblance of order. Akane visited me one weekend that had been enjoyable. While I had waited for his letter my sixteenth birthday had passed. I did not mention it to anyone. My birthdays had passed uncelebrated since the day….since the day my mother had died….My birthday had been only several days before _that day_ had happened. I have not celebrated it since. Than….then there had been a new nightmare….but it had been about _him_. In this nightmare though, he was not the tormentor….but the one who was the victim. Somehow….somehow it bothered me a little.

_Katsu-_

_I shouldn't write back to you. But I figured I could torment with you for missing my birthday. You don't even know when it is, do you? And you thought you knew everything about me! Do you even know how old I am now? I hope I tried to strangle you or something in your dream._

_Several nights ago….I had….Take care of yourself. You're a huge fool, so I'm sure you'll do something stupid to get yourself killed anyways._

_-Rana_

The next letter came in less a week much to my surprise. I had opened it with some trepidation. I wondered what his face had looked like when I had called him a fool, I thought amused to myself.

_Dear Rana,_

_You're sixteen. _

_Your Husband,_

_Katsu_

Tucked inside of the letter had been a dried flower that was quite pretty. It was white and black in color. After some research in the study I learned it was called a Panda Lily. It is a rare flower found only in the Earth Kingdom and grows only on the rim of volcanoes. It is considered to be a symbol of love and is often used to try to win the heart of someone special. I also read that has similar connotation as to that of the Fire Lily here in the Fire Nation. I had touched my necklace while I read this, remembering he had given it to me thinking that it was a custom of my people. It was only a custom practiced by our sister tribe from what I had figured. The flower was tucked away with his other letters in my wardrobe in the bedroom. _I had thought to myself…do I even know exactly how old he is? When is his birthday? I had never asked for either…._

I did not respond to his letter for another two weeks. I do not know why, but the void within felt so….lost. By the time I wrote back spring had started to approach already.

* * *

_To Katsu,_

_Perhaps it is bad thing I don't actually know your exact age. How old are you? When is your birthday? As for….the flower….it is beautiful._

_Thank you._

_-Rana_

The wait for his letter was one of impatience. The spring arrived and greeted us with constant showers of rain, thunderstorms, and humid weather that I detested. I witnessed the season of the Fire Lily as they started to come into bloom. Ran told me the festivals for the Fire Lily would begin when the summer began. The thunderstorms had made me shiver alone in the bed. The loud claps of the thunder had sounded…..too much like sounds that drive me to fear…

The bed was cold. Empty. I found it to be….I received his letter a month after I had sent mine.

_Dear Rana,_

_The last month has been of many trials. The rebellion will soon be stamped out and I will be able to return. Have the Fire Lilies started to bloom yet? It is one of my favorite things about the spring, along with the thunderstorms. I'm thirty-three. Does that disgust you? My birthday is only two weeks before our anniversary. Perhaps the idea of that disgusts you more, but I view it in a different light. I look forward to seeing your blue eyes glaring at me once more._

_Your Husband, _

_Katsu_

_Try not to rip it up this time._

_I love you._

I tore it to shreds just because of that second to last line! Take that, I had thought jubilantly as I tore it up, and that! Yet….when the pieces were scattered about reminded me of snow…I felt an ache inside the void. Life was getting dull without him around, I reasoned with myself. He at least gave me some sort of battle when he was around. There was never a peaceful moment when he was here, that was why….

That was why the void felt so…_empty_…

The fact about his age somehow did not revolt me as it should have. The news about the rebellion almost being over….I should have been thinking for the Earthbenders, but it was the fact that he would be coming back that I paid the most attention to. He had now been gone for four months. Had time flown that quickly? It felt dragged out to me ever since the winter solstice. As I usually did, I responded within several days of receiving the letter.

_To __m...__Katsu,_

_The Fire Lillies are blooming. Teruko is to be married this summer. They want you here for the wedding. When will you return? They asked me to ask you, so know that I am not looking forward to your return at all! Another thing….what sort of things interest you, outside of writing horrible poetry? Not that I truly care even the slightest._

_From,_

_Rana_

His letter came almost two weeks later. It had not seem to come quick enough.

_Dear Rana,_

_I've heard the good news from Lord Haruko as well. I will be back within a month's time. A month earlier then I am supposed to be. The rebellion is over. Outside of my splendid poetry, I like bickering with you and listening to the erhu when you're not making it painful to listen to. I also enjoy reading a good poem._

_I dreamed of you again. _

_Your Husband,_

_Katsu_

My hands shook as I held the letter. He was coming back a month early? This letter had been written how long ago….so sometime within the next several weeks he would be back! Of course the idea of his return sickened me, but the void seemed to shrink in size. The comment about my playing the erhu was true though. He knew I had lied about his poetry. I had read both of his scrolls and though it killed me to admit….many of them were good. Soon he would return….and I…..

I swore myself I detested the thought of it…._Yet…..yet…._

* * *

A/N: I had a creative spree and decided to spoil you readers. Enjoy! This was more of a filler and is a bit on the short side, but one I had much fun working on. Thanks for reading and please review!


	22. Chapter 21: Reunion

Imprisoned Love

Chapter Twenty-One:

Reunion 

* * *

"_You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well."_ –Lewis B. Smedes

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

The next several days I was taken over by a breathless cloak of impatience. I felt suffocated as if the ache within my chest somehow…somehow quaked with fear and anxiety. My lessons with Satoru were still with a horrid coldness and distant formality. His grey eyes had become clouded and distant from me, instead of the bright, kind eyes I had come to depend on over the months. My next lesson that I had several days after the last lesson was one that became different. He broke the frigid silence between us that had begun to drive me a little insane…

We were sitting in our usual spots in Katsu's study. The light shined through the windows in the pale afternoon light, warming my back as it shined heavily. Satoru sat on the other side of me at the table. He was teaching me about the origins of the firebenders from the dragons, which had started to become extinct. They were now hunted down by those who desired to be known as the most powerful of firebenders. A tradition that was started by Fire Lord Sozin….the evil man who was responsible for this war….

I was looking at the picture of a fierce blue dragon that was beautifully drawn on the open scroll before me. Satoru was speaking about the dragons, but I avoided looking at his face. I always avoided looking at his face these days. There was a pause as Satoru stopped speaking. I looked up hesitantly to see why he had stopped speaking. I was shocked to see a soft look in his eyes, but it quickly vanished when my eyes met his. The coldness as if from the icy winter returned to his face as if it had never left.

I held my breath. What did this mean? Ocean Spirit….what was I supposed to do with him? I….I missed his friendship….I needed it….but I did not want to give him reason to hope. This was for his own good! If…If only I had not come to care about him in the first place. _A traitor to my own people…._

"Lord Katsu is returning soon," Satoru spoke placidly, breaking the terrible silence. How did he know that? Satoru saw the question on my face. A small cynical smile grew on his face. "News spreads fast here. It's very hard to keep a secret from the servants,"

"What about it?" I asked sharply, trying to keep the suspicion from my voice. What was his intent?

There was a shadow that passed over Satoru's face that took me a moment to recognize. It was…._jealousy…_

"I'm sure you're pleased about his returning," Satoru jeered with an unpleasant expression. This was not like him….this…this was turning him into something nasty.

My temper flared at his words though. Always my anger gets the better of me, especially since I had come to the Fire Nation. "What if I am?" I taunted him back. "Even if I don't, you still mean nothing to me!" The void within me quaked with pain at my own words. _Lies….lies….I care about you, though I should not….you are my friend…..my friend…._

The unpleasant expression on his face transitioned to one of open pain and fury. Satoru glared at me with his grey eyes as if lightning bolts could shoot out of them any moment. "You're lying!" He snarled. "I know you're lying!"

_And I have to keep lying….for both of our sakes…but mostly for you…_

I sneered at Satoru in a false contempt. "That's what you want to believe!" I taunted him with a mocking laugh.

The snarl in Satoru's face slowly started to vanish as he stared at me. The fury began to vanish as a depressed acceptance took over his face. His shining eyes became clouded with a mixture of emotions once more, almost as if…I felt surprise take over my face. What did this mean?

"You're trying to protect me," He murmured with a dawning of comprehension. "This whole time….that's all you have been trying to do."

I shook my head in denial.

Satoru made a small noise of dismissal. "You do care, don't you?" He asked softly. A cynical smile stretched his lips. "But how can I compete with him, when you're in love with him?"

_In love with…? No, I do not love that…momster!...Yet…..yet….the void in my chest….the absence of…._

"I don't love him!" I protested loudly.

Satoru bowed his head and then looked back at me. He raised his hand as if to touch my cheek with the back of his hand. I winced as he drew closer and his hand fell back down to his side. "I love you, Rana," He announced tenderly. The cynical smile on his face became one of sincerity. The blood disappeared on my face. _How could he say it? It….no…_

"I just wanted to say it to you," He added thoughtfully. Satoru rose from his seat and towered over me as I tiled my head to look up at him. The sunlight his pale face, making his grey eyes shine softly in the light. "You don't have to lie to me anymore. I won't say it again."

What was supposed to happen now? What was I supposed to do? "Are we friends again?" I asked him with plain hesitation.

"Yes," He murmured. "That's the only way it can be. I know that now." Satoru gave me a sudden bow. "Until our next lesson, Lady Rana," He said with great formality. With a sudden whirl, he departed from the room as if nothing had happened. I felt the void within me shrink a little. I was happy to have his friendship once more, yet at the same time fearful for where it might lead him. When I had walked outside of the room, I had avoided the knowing eyes of Iwao. He had heard everything. When our eyes had briefly met though, the only thing I could see was the guarded calculation in his eyes.

* * *

The next week seemed to drag, but the two highlights of the week were a visit to Ran's family and a visit from Teruko. Things between Satoru and I almost seemed as they had been before, yet I still held myself in reservation. There was one turn of events that I did not expect nor did I entirely recognize the seed that was planted when it occurred…

Satoru and I were having my next lesson. This time I was practicing on the erhu under his instruction. Slowly I had started to improve on that impossible instrument. The lesson had been interrupted by the sound of Ran's voice from the doorway. "Excuse me, My Lady," She had announced loudly. Satoru and I had both looked to see her standing in the doorway, but my eyes caught the sight of Teruko standing behind her. "Lady Teruko is here to see you."

A smile came to my face at the sight of my friend. "Thank you, Ran," I told her as I went to stand up. Beside me, Satoru started to rise as well. Ran bowed and departed, while Teruko stepped into the room. She was dressed in a fine outfit that was of a darker red and brown colors. The color helped to emphasize her dark brown eyes that gazed at Satoru curiously. She bowed towards me. I returned the bow and out of the corner of my eye saw Satoru bow towards her. "Teruko, may I present you Satoru, my teacher," I introduced them formally. There was a flash of approval in Satoru's eyes at my introduction. Some of his teaching on etiquette had actually rubbed off onto me.

"A pleasure," Teruko said to him with a kind smile. "Now I know who has been teaching her the erhu so well!"

Satoru gave her a sheepish smile. I was taken aback to see the palest of blushes warm his face. "Her Ladyship is a good student," He responded respectfully.

"Perhaps you could teach me," Teruko said genuinely. There was wistfulness on her face. "Sadly I never really had the chance to learn to play an instrument."

Satoru bowed towards her once more. "It would be an honor."

I chuckled in amusement. "Are you trying to steal my teacher?" I teased Teruko. Again, I was a little surprised to see a fierce blush on her face at my teasing, but I dismissed it. "May we end our lesson for today?" I asked, turning my attention towards Satoru. He was gazing at her with a distracted look before he looked back towards me.

"Of course, My Lady," He returned with another bow towards me.

"Thank you," I said sincerely. I walked towards Teruko with a smile. I took her offered arm as we left the room. We started to chat, but I did not register the flickering of her eyes as she looked back towards the study. My visit with Teruko was one of pleasure. Her wedding was in less than two months away now and I could see her apprehension and fear of it. She asked me a little about Satoru, but I assumed it to be about wanting to learn the erhu from him. Then the day finally came that _he_ returned after almost five months….

* * *

I was sitting in his study, reading a scroll which was a biography of a noted Fire Nation philosopher and poet. There was a sensation that overtook me that I was being watched, but not by Iwao. I looked up from the scroll to see _him_ standing in the doorway. He was dressed in their horrid armor that usually drove me into trembles of fear, but this time it did not. There was no helmet on his face and I caught the sight of a new scar running along the left side of his jaw. There was already one on the right side of his cheek from many years ago. My throat felt clogged and incapable of speech, while my chest tightened, making me short of breath. The ache in my chest gave a burst of pang as my heart sped up.

We stared at each other for a breathless moment that seemed to last minutes. His powerful arms hung by his sides, but his hands were clenched tightly, as if to restrain himself. He walked into the room with powerful strides and halted before me. My neck strained to look up at his powerful face. He stretched out a hand towards me. I accepted it and tried to keep my hand from trembling. _What was wrong with me_? He raised me up to my feet gently. I was inches from his face that bent down to gaze me. At long last I could see his pale golden eyes clearly. They seemed as if they were glowing from the intensity of his emotions.

I bit my lip and waited for him to speak. I was still incapable of speech. His right hand grazed my cheek with the back of his fingers until he cupped the back of my neck. His fingers enwrapped themselves in my hair, which I had down. My eyes did not leave his own. His gaze was too intense to look away from. He seemed to be reading my face, as if he were waiting for me to push him away. The other hand stroked my arm and went up to join his other hand at the base of my neck. A shiver, which was not from anxiety, shot up my arm and down into my stomach.

I closed my eyes when he leaned his face down towards mine. This kiss was exactly like the ones I had dreamed about. It was not one of passionate anger, but one of tender passion that spoke of much more. I could do nothing more than to accept this kiss and returning it. _I should not be doing this, I thought, yet….yet…_

It was several minutes before the kiss ended. Katsu broke it first and hovered still only inches from my face. My cheeks were heated as I blushed fiercely from the soft sigh I could prevent from escaping my lips. His eyes were now even more ablaze with a passionate need. His hands moved to cup my face gently. "Rana," He rumbled lowly. I could hear the statement of possession as he spoke. I was rather startled he gave me the beginnings of a delighted grin. _There had never been such a look on his face before_. I should have said something to turn that smile into a scowl, but…._I wanted to see that smile…It was like the one he had on his face in one of the paintings….the look in his eyes was the he had had than…_

There was a part of me that was horrified when I began to smile back at him. The void within though almost felt as if it was entirely gone. "I dreamed of this moment," He confessed heavily in the barest of whispers. I took in a sharp breath at his words. _I did not tell him….that such dreams had haunted me as well…_

_Ocean Spirit….Moon Spirit…_

_What am I to say?_

My usual bitter or angry remarks had fled me. Any of the retorts that I _should_ have said did not float in my mind. Instead, they were ones that would be exchanged between two lovers. Not between someone who considers the other their enemy. A monster. The clog in my throat was still there as I began to stutter out a response. "I…..I….I'm glad you're back," I stuttered out with my face beating red. My heard sped up as a fire surged throughout my limbs at the sight of his face.

There was a look of open surprise on his face, but seconds later it softened. I saw the flash of the familiar in his sparkling eyes that sent a tremble down to my knees. "So am I," He breathed. His breath was warm and reminded me of a comforting spices. My right hand seemed to act of its own accord as it reached up to trace his new scar. He closed his eyes as my fingers touched his new scar lightly.

I let out small yelp as he suddenly released my face and swept me into his arms as if I were a child. His arm hooked underneath my legs as he held me to his chest. Katsu's lips were on mine in an urgent kiss as he hurried out of the room. I knew the direction he was headed even as I kissed him back with my eyes closed. We both exactly had the same thing on our minds and would not be leaving our bedroom for hours.

* * *

A/N: Again, sorry for the lack of updates and for a shorter chapter. But I thought this one might be well liked. Thanks for reading and please review!

Also, I have a website that has images of how I think the characters would look. You can find the link on my profile!


	23. Chapter 22: Yearning

Imprisoned Love

Chapter Twenty-Two:

Yearning

* * *

"_The worst thing you can do for love is deny it; so when you find that special someone, don't let anyone or anything to get in your way."_ –Unknown

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

Presently when I opened my eyes the following morning, I could feel the pulsating heat from a strong arm wrapped around my waist. He held me tucked against his side and I could feel his peaceful breathing down my neck. I kept back the shiver at the feel of his breath on my neck. Before I would have slipped out of his embrace at the discovery of being in it, but now I did something that should have troubled me. I let myself be held by his protective arms. A small smile grew on my lips at the thought of the previous night. We had been….extremely active to say in the least. Kanna had taught me the basics about what goes on between a man and woman, but I had had no idea….how pleasurable it is. He was the only one I had ever been with, but every time he managed to send me to another place. We had barely spoken a word to each other the whole time. There was a change in his breathe and a tightening of his grip on me that told me he was now awake. "I know you're awake," He murmured into my neck. "Agni…I missed this."

I was glad that he could not see my face, lest he see the look that was still there! Usually I would have some sort of angry retort to make him angry, but instead I just let out a deep sigh. I did not want to ruin it quite yet. The sunlight was shining through the windows, telling me that it was late in the morning. The spot next to me was warm and comforting, not the cold, empty spot I had grown used to over the last few months. "I don't know if I'll let you leave the bedroom," He mused in a playful tone. At that I rolled away from him immediately with a scowl on my face. I stayed underneath the blankets for I did not want to be more tempted by the sight of…

"Teruko is coming to visit me soon," I muttered, avoiding looking at his face. His warm hand gently traced up my arm to my shoulder. I shivered as lightening came from it and accelerated throughout my body. I wrapped the sheet around my body and quickly hopped of the bed to avoid his touch.

"Rana, look at me," He commanded in a tone that was authoritative. A blush and irritation returned as I turned back to look at him. I could feel the old anger at his tone, but I held back the reaction. The blanket was still covering him, thanks to the Ocean spirit, but the look on his face was one that would have had me dive back into bed with him. When he looked back at my face, he let out a knowing chuckle. My face heated up as if it were on fire. "Go on," He told me as he tried to keep from laughing. I quickly fled into the wash room. I had avoided looking at him for he could read me like an open book. _I did not want to leave the bedroom either….but….but….I should be running in the other direction! Or at least having spiteful replies to him while he made love to me….instead….it had not been the blazing battle it had used to be, but was filled with a different kind of urgency instead. I did not understand this and was thankful as I felt the familiar anger return to me in a tirade. The void in my chest though….it felt as if it no longer existed almost…_

* * *

Katsu was not in the bedroom when I had returned to if after finishing up on the washroom. Ran did not always help me to get ready and this was one of those times. She must have some sort innate gift on knowing when she should not come; I had thought wryly to myself more than once. I decided to go off for a walk in the gardens to enjoy the sunny weather. It was not too warm, which was nice for a change. I was out walking along one of the graveled paths, near the discrete alcove that I had hidden in before. Iwao followed behind me with his footsteps crunching on the gravel. My feet stopped in their tracks when I spotted two people entering the alcove by the pond. I slinked behind some bushes near to it for it had been…._Satoru_…._and….Teruko? _She was not supposed to be here for at least thirty minutes!

They had only met a few days ago when she had interrupted one of my lessons early. Satoru and I had had one more lesson since and he had not mentioned a word of her. In fact, our friendship seemed as it had been before….except for a look in his eyes and an air of guarding myself that I now held around him. I had begun to believe that it could never been as it had been before, at least for him. I looked over at my shoulder to see Iwao joining me in my hiding spot. I held a finger to my lips and if I had known any better I would have claimed there was a flash of amusement in his eyes. Teruko sat on the bench inside of the alcove, but Satoru stood near the pond and did not step entirely into the alcove. I was to the right of them on the other side of the path and well hidden from their view. I could only see the side of Satoru's face and only a wisp of Teruko's arm as she made a gesture with it.

Satoru had been in the middle of a sentence as they had walked into the alcove. "-it's been rather difficult get my hands on several texts that would be valuable for the project," He finished with open longing in his voice.

Teruko's voice was sympathetic as she gave him a response. "I'm sure Lord Katsu or my father could use their influence to help you."

I could make out a cynical smile on Satoru's face as he kept his back towards her. "Forgive me, my lady," He replied darkly. "But asking such a thing, even of my patron, would be stepping out of my place." _What were they talking about? His research….I knew he was doing some historical project or other…yet what was she doing here?_ Was she here for a music lesson that he had promised her at their first meeting? Why did I feel an apprehension as he called her the proper title as he would myself?

A moment of observed silence passed between them. "This is a lovely spot," Teruko commented at last. "I have never been to it before."

"It is one of her ladyship's favorite spots," He said quietly. I could see the smile was gone from his face. _How did he know that? _I liked this spot after the inner courtyard when it came to privacy.

"You're close to her, aren't you?" Teruko inquired in the smoothest of voices. As if she understood, or glimpsed something, that she knew was not supposed to be. Satoru turned around to face her towards the alcove, making it difficult to make out his face for now I was seeing more of his back profile.

"So are you, my lady," He answered her and in that avoiding giving her a direct response.

"She's different, isn't she?" Teruko pondered out rhetorically. "Rana is not like any other nobles I've met."

"Or commoners?" Satoru asked with an air of sharp bitterness. He instantly recovered. "Forgive me, my lady."

"No….you're right," Teruko told him kindly. "But I wouldn't really know. The only time I associate with them is as servants."

"I am a commoner," Satoru proclaimed with a challenge in his voice. "Does that bother you?"

"No," Teruko confessed simply.

Satoru took a step back from the alcove. He took in a deep breath. "Then you are like her in that respect," He observed. "She is the only other noble I have met….who sees beyond my ascribed status." He stepped into the alcove to sit beside her, I assumed, and disappeared out of my sight. Now I could only here their voices and that of the insects bussing in the air. I could feel the sensation of shame overtake me at eavesdropping. We had always been scolded as children not to do such things. The curiosity to know what they were doing together overrode my ethics about spying.

"I…." Teruko began to speak softly. "I didn't see a commoner when I met you." I could hear the crunching of gravel as she rose to her feet. "Thank you for the lesson," She told him swiftly. "I must be going. Rana will be waiting." She stepped out of the alcove and I could make out a small frown on her beautiful face.

"My lady," Satoru called out from behind her. He stepped out of the alcove after her and seemed to be reaching for her arm. His hand fell back down to his side and Teruko did not turn around to face him. "Does she know that you have come here to take lessons?"

"No," Teruko admitted as her frown deepened. "She does not." Teruko quickly fled away from the alcove, leaving Satoru gazing out after her retreating figure. I discreetly snuck away from the alcove with Iwao and headed for dining room. Ran would no doubt be bringing Teruko to me as if she had just arrived. _Why was she keeping her seeing Satoru for lessons a secret from me?_

* * *

When I entered the dining room, I was slightly taken aback at the sight of Katsu taking his midday meal at the table. He looked at me with raised eyebrows and then gave me a smirking smile. "Feel free to join me," He offered with a wave of his hand. I sank down to the right of him on another side of the table. Katsu poured me cup of tea as I did so and handed it to me.

"Thank you," I said as I accepted the tea. I cupped it into my hands as I took a deep sip. The tea was not too hot and was a cool jasmine that I had tasted before. It was not my favorite, but it was much better than one that set my mouth on fire! My thoughts were still doing circles around themselves with what I had just witnessed.

"Yes, Ran?" I heard Katsu say inquiringly. I looked up to see Ran standing at the entranceway as she bowed towards us.

"Lady Teruko is here to see her ladyship," She reported towards him. She gave me small smile that I knew to be for me. I returned her smile with one of my own. I glanced at Katsu to see a slightly irritated look dance across his face. I felt dark amusement at that. He had hoped to have me all to himself uninterrupted apparently.

"Show her in," He ordered Ran as the look disappeared from his face. He took another bite of his meal to hide any more emotion from his face, but if anything I would describe it as if he were sulking!

Teruko walked into the room. I saw her eyes widen as she Katsu and have him a deep bow. "Welcome, Teruko," He greeted her with a fondness entering his face. I watched him suspiciously.

"I didn't know you had returned, Katsu!" She exclaimed with a look of happiness.

"I arrived only yesterday," He informed her kindly. I saw his eyes flicker towards me as if he were searching my face for something.

"I hope you will visit my father," She returned politely. "He has missed your presence much, along with the rest of my family."

"I will visit him soon enough," Katsu said with an ease of familiarity I did not like very much. There was a weird jabbing sensation going throughout my body that…..that I recognized but I did not dare admit to. "I heard there is to be a congratulations for your upcoming wedding."

Teruko avoided looking at either of our eyes as she replied politely. "Yes, I'm sure Rana and my father both told you. I'm to be married in less than two months now."

"After our own anniversary," Katsu commented, looking at me with sly eyes. I felt the old need to smack him across the face. _Had that much time passed since that day? It seemed impossible…and yet….I was still here…_

"We should be going," I interrupted them both, rising to my feet as I felt the anger sweep through me like a broom on a nasty pile of cobwebs. Teruko gave Katsu a smile as I walked over towards her.

"It was a pleasure to see you, Katsu," She told him with a brilliant smile. The anger seemed to bristle even more.

"And you," Katsu returned with a winsome smile. I could have sworn there was amusement in his eyes. "Give your family my greetings." Teruko bowed towards him and then followed me out the doorway.

* * *

I led the way towards the inner courtyard and Teruko caught up in step with me easily. Even she was taller than me. Everyone here seems to be. "Rana, are you alright?" She asked concerned. I had never once snapped at her or felt the anger that seems to be my constant companion. "I'm fine!" I lied with a violent snap. I had stepped out into the courtyard and whirled around to see the look of plain hurt on her face. The look on her face made my anger melt away. She….she was so naïve sometimes….she had no anger nor did she understand what terrors I have. Did she even know about the destruction of my people? She did not know the truth about me and the temptation to tell her than was very overwhelming! Usually her….innocent kindness was something that helped me to forget! _Yet now…I wanted her to hurt….for….for…._

_Sneaking around my back with Satoru….what was she hiding?...And for looking at Katsu….making him smile…._

_Ocean Spirit….Moon Spirit…I realized with utter horror and amazement….I was….was jealous!..._

That realization made me step back from her with the blood fleeing from my face._ It could not be true_. "Why are you sneaking about to have lessons with Satoru?" I demanded instead, trying to hold back her from seeing the truth that I had just realized.

"With Satoru?" She asked hesitantly. "How do…?"

"I saw you both today in the garden," I confessed begrudgingly. I felt the embarrassment of spying on them sneak into my emotions.

"I started taking music lessons from him since I met him," Teruko told me with a graceful shrug. "Today was my third lesson with him."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked her as I analyzed her face carefully. "Why not just have him come to your home?"

Teruko looked away from me. "My father would not approve of my taking lessons from a commoner," She replied in a shamed tone. "No matter how good of a teacher." _Is that why she had snuck around? I felt as if I were still missing something, but did not push it any further._

"Oh," I breathed embarrassed. "Well….we are friends, so know that you can trust me." _Once I would have abhorred the idea of being friends with one of them, and now here I was telling her she could trust me? Even though….I did not trust her with the truth about myself…_

"By the way," Teruko told me with a knowing look. "I have known Katsu since I was a child. He used to toss me around in the air….you might say he is like an uncle to me."

_Ah….so much for…_I gave Teruko a look that asked for forgiveness. "He is like an uncle?" I stated back. Teruko nodded towards me.

"Well, my father had hoped he would look at me differently after Masuzu passed away," She imparted with a careless shrug. Well, that was an interesting bit of information that sent prickles of discomfort throughout my body. "I have never seen him differently nor has he for me," She added hastily as if in afterthought. I moved towards sit on the stone bench and she sat next to me. There was the chirping of birds ringing in the air.

"Feel free to continue coming here for lessons with Satoru," I said after a minute of silence. Teruko gave me a small smile and a shadow passed in her eyes that were not usual for her. "Are you alright?" I asked with a tinge of guilt spilling into my words.

"I feel…." Teruko divulged in a shamed voice. "I don't want to marry a man I've never met." She had never once since we had started our friendship confessed such a thing to me. Teruko had admitted to being nervous and afraid of her marriage to a total stranger, but there had never been an outright statement of not wanting to do so. She was a person of her culture and usually embraced all aspects of what was expected of her. Arranged marriages did happen with my own culture, but not as they seemed to be done so with regularity here. If a person did not wish to marry another, they did not have too. If a marriage was arranged, usually it was done with both of the future spouse's consents.

"How long have you felt this way?" I appealed to her with only concern.

Teruko raised her head to look at me and I was taken aback to see the tears forming in her dark brown eyes. "It's not my place to say such things. I am a horrible daughter for feeling this way!" She rushed out in raw pain. _Had she been holding this in the whole time? And to think…I had thought her only to be filled with naïve kindness and unfamiliar with pain!_ I put my arm around her shoulder to comfort her, but tried to keep any discomfort from my face. I did not know how to comfort another crying person. Back at….we had learned to not cry or ignore those who did long ago…

"Do….do you think it's possible to….care deeply for someone you don't know?" She asked me between sobs as she tried to keep from crying. The tears were now freely falling down her face like a gentle rain. Immediately my mind went to Satoru and I understood the suspicions that had shadowed me since they had first met only days ago. I had seen the look on both of their faces and had not understood it immediately. I did not know if it was love or merely a strong attraction they had immediately attained with each other. _He…he is in love with me though, I thought, he cannot possibly be in love with her already_. I knew that thought was cruelly self-centered, but it seemed impossible to believe that she could already care for him that much? That was only in the stories one is told as a child…._of true love….at first sight….of a peaceful world…_Such things were for children.

"I suppose it's possible," I lied to her. She was older than me by two years….yet…even with her hidden pain…._She still knew very little of how the world works…._

"I can't help it," She added in a tight voice that was pained and guilt ridden. "I….I…am…I want him!"

I did not know what to say. What was I supposed to do? Encourage her in something that could never be to begin with? Did he even know…._and would he even be capable of letting go of…_Besides, I reasoned with myself, such a union would never allow be allowed. They had such a distinction between classes of people, nobility versus commoner. It was a concept I still struggled with for it was foreign to my people. I highly doubted that her father would even entertain the notion for a commoner as a son-in-law, considering he would not even want a commoner teaching his children.

Teruko cried into my shoulder as I held her. It was not possible to love someone at first sight….or to fall in love with them so quickly, I reasoned to myself. She will forget him_. Yet…I remembered a certain pair of golden eyes looking at me from underneath one of their terrifying helmets…arms that held me with surprising care while I was still in chains….the same arms that swooped me up into his when I declared hatred…_

_His voice with those eyes circulated in my mind now as if he were saying those words again…."When you stood there defiantly against any hope, it was to save your village and you tried to fight as best you could. You did the bravest thing and perhaps stupid that I have seen anyone do. Then you were unconscious on the ground and I saw not a waterbender I had moments before, but a beautiful woman, helpless…That was my initial reason. If I sent you back though, my people would come for you again. It was through marrying you that I could save you. Rana, this is why I did what I have done, but also because…because of your strength, your refusing to give in no matter what the odds are…I have fallen in love with you…."_

…_.No….I reasoned with myself….Such a thing is impossible…_

* * *

A/N: Here is the latest chapter. Thanks for reading and please review. Feel free to check on my other ongoing story, Flames of a Fire, which is the story of Katsu's aunt, the bodyguard to Fire Lord Sozin.


	24. Chapter 23: Forfeit

Imprisoned Love

Chapter Twenty-Three:

Forfeit

* * *

"_For everything that you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else."_ –Ralph Emerson

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

Teruko left shortly afterwards, where I was left stewing in a storm of thoughts. Did he know how she felt…..but that this was surely an infatuation I thought to myself? _True love….love at first sight….a peaceful world….such things are child's dreams._ Yet these thoughts were a myriad in mind when I next saw Katsu again for dinner later that evening. He had been off to attend business for the estate. We were sitting across from each other, eating our meals together as we had months ago. The ache in my chest did not seem exist in that moment. For the first time, Katsu was telling me of the business he had been attending to do. Before I would have told him off, but now I listened for I was actually _curious_ to know_. I….I wanted to know what he did with his time_…His face was lit up as he explained this and that with the business of the estate and dealings with the locals. I did not understand business to be exact for my people….when I had come here it was the first time I had really seen money. My people had no use for it. Before….we had bartered and traded with other nations….but now…

"What's wrong?" He inquired in his deep voice. I met his eyes startled. There was only concern in his golden eyes. I should have said something to brush him away or to send him into a fury. We both had short tempers, I thought wryly, yet….

"Do you believe in love at first sight?" I blurted out. I was immediately horrified and felt the fierce rising of my blood to my face.

Katsu looked shocked as well, but the look quickly vanished as he looked at me with an amused expression. "I believe it's possible," He stated after a moment of consideration. His face was searching mine for something, but he did not seem to find what he was looking for. There was a look of depression that shadowed his eyes for a moment. "Why do you ask?"

"No reason," I muttered underneath my breath, looking away from him.

"I didn't love you when I first saw you," Katsu asserted bluntly. "I pitied and admired you. My love came after watching your determination and struggle for weeks. I think there was something for me when I first saw you laying that day in the snow….but love doesn't blossom over night."

I did not look at him while he said those words. The ache in my chest….somehow it quivered as if I needed to say something….anything…but I did not. Instead, I let the familiar feelings of bitterness and anger destroy any other thoughts. "What about Masuzu?" I asked him coldly with a shadow of a taunt. I wanted to anger him, yet he seemed to ignore that intent entirely. There was a long pause of silence as I stared down at my clenched hands in my lap.

When he spoke at last, it was in a voice that was calm, but haunted by the shadow of an old paid and guilt. "Our marriage wasn't arranged. I first met her at Ember Island and when I saw her….I knew I wanted her. You ask me if I believe love is possible at first sight...I believe that the spark of it is." There was a sensation of….envy and empathy as he spoke…I knew what it was to be tormented by the loss of loved ones…._.Father….Mother….Kohaku…Nobu….all of my people…._

I had not known little about his previous marriage, only that in those wall drawings that were hidden away with her things….._he had been happy…once…just I had been long ago…._I felt the urge to comfort him….not to torment him as I should have. "You loved her very much," I stated. It was all I could seem to say. Finally I looked up at Katsu to see the same pain that troubled me on his face. I was shocked for I had never seen him look _vulnerable_ as he looked now.

"Yes," He replied reminiscently. "In the short marriage we had together…."

Before I had never truly thought to pity him or empathize with him entirely for his losses. Yet it hit me now as I looked at him now. He was a man who had not married since his first marriage years ago; instead he had closed himself off and chosen a path of violence in the military to prevent any feeling. Akane had told me he had already been in the military for it was expected, but after Masuzu and his daughter's death….that had become his life. It was not until…_me_…that things changed for him._ Ran…Masato…Akane….Kuro…even Teruko had told me this…_

…_"He's finally found you after all these years. He needs you," Kuro's voice urged in my memory..._

…_"Lord Katsu has finally shown some signs of peace in years," Ran stated simply…._

…"_Before, Masato and I assumed it to be lust for he had admitted that he didn't love you. But when he went on his tour, his letters to us….they implied otherwise." Akane confessed to me…_

I wanted to understand….I was curious…_about her….why he is now the way he is…_

"Tell me," I asked him sincerely. Katsu frowned at me, but there was a look of suspicion on his face. "Why?" He demanded in return. He was expecting what I usually did….that I would mock him or somehow use this against him. "I want to understand," I confessed, looking away from his gaze. I did not look back at his face, but I heard the deep sigh from across the table. The silence seemed to relay the message that he was deciding if it was worth the risk of telling me.

"I was on vacation with Masato to Ember Island. I was fifteen when I met her," Katsu said softly. "I was young and still naïve." There was a reflection his voice as he continued. "Masuzu was sixteen and didn't pay much attention to a pesky boy in her opinion. After many months of pursuing her, she eventually warmed up to me. My father had already arranged marriages for Masato and me." At this I looked at him in curiosity. I had not known Akane's marriage to Masato had been arranged. Katsu's face was distant as he recalled a time that he seemed to want to forget. "I was young and head over heels in love with her. I begged him to let me marry Masuzo and…" I waited eagerly to hear what had happened next. Katsu had told me that his father had been strict and distant from him. "He agreed. Masuzo was a younger daughter of a more important family. It had its advantages. I was sixteen and she was seventeen. My father died only months after our marriage, leaving me in charge of the estate. I became a proud father when I was seventeen and observed my brother's arranged marriage to Akane." The look of that terrible pain ushered into his golden eyes. There was only a dark coldness in them, raw and bitter as he spoke his next words. "We were happy. Than our beautiful daughter….my child died and my young wife shortly afterwards."

He had married young, only a year older then I was now. I had seen children and adults die in painful ways. Masuzu died when she had been only several years older than me…I pitied that woman for the first time. "After that, all I could see was _her_ here…our daughter…this place," He continued darkly. "I came only when I had too and avoided Masato…my younger brother who still had his wife and children! The war was my comfort, my savior….then there was you." The pain was there on his face as it began to recede as if a light was warming him from within. I could not look away from those golden eyes that held me frozen in place. "I know you hate me and my people and that you will mock me for this," He started to say with an edge of bitterness and….hope. _Somehow I wanted to deny his accusation, yet I should not have such a desire._ "I want you to be happy….for us to be happy. Rana, tell me what burdens your heart and perhaps….perhaps together we can erase our burdens."

I could only stare at him as I felt the blood ebb away from myself. The ache in my chest cried with something that I recognized in half-hearted horror as _longing_. I was tired of being angry….of all the dark emotions and sadness that I carried still….Akane had told me once that I could be happy if I only let myself be….

…_..Would it be so wrong?..._

…_..Yet….my people….the war…._

I lowered my eyes once more from his intense eyes. He could always catch me with them as if I were a fish caught in a net. I could feel the pounding of my heart to my fingertips, as if each fierce pound were telling me to…. "You are my enemy," I whispered emptily. Even as I spoke those words, ones that I had said many times to him, they somehow felt hollower then ever before. The vast ache in my chest returned with a mournful cry; as if I had rejected something that I did not even know how priceless it was. I could not stand to raise my eyes to look at him, in fear of what I might see there. Once this would have led to an explosion of their terrifying fireworks between us; a battle would have followed that would have eventually led to….

"I hope that someday you'll see me differently," He expressed with the sadness enunciated in every syllable. Slowly I stood up from the cushion I sat on, still avoiding looking at him. I left the room, but not without once tiny glimpse out of the corner of my gaze. I might have expected to see this usual mask of fury or annoyance that was the usual in our fights. Instead….there had been nothing but a forlorn distance.

* * *

The next several weeks passed quietly. Teruko still came to have her lessons secretively with Satoru. I was tempted to ask him and to see if he knew how she felt. Yet I knew that it was not my place to interfere and thus kept down the urge. Katsu did not know and I did not see any point in telling him. My friendship with Satoru had been restored, yet sometimes there was a look in his eyes. I still kept myself at a respectful distance….I did not want to encourage him or to hurt him unknowingly. Teruko did not speak of it again with me during our visits. There was this unspoken knowledge that if she did, it would make it all the worse for her. She and I both knew that she was engaged to be married. She knew better than me that such a dream was impossible in her circumstances. So she suffered silently, something I understood, and I tried to comfort as best as I could. I was not used to dealing with such raw pain of others anymore. At home….at first it had been that way, but everyone soon learned to hide such pain and to shove it aside as much as possible. If one did not, they would lose the will to live, simply put.

I still visited Ran and exchanged letters with Akane. Yet with Katsu, he seemed to act as if nothing had happened. He did not bring up our conversation. I was still prone to the random verbal attack on occasion, but for the first time between us we had entered an uneasy peace of sorts. We each had our own routines and I began to learn how to run the estate from him. I learned how he spent his days and I did not….I did not hate it. In fact, I….

There came the day after several weeks had passed that I found out his birthday was coming up. Ran had brought it up one morning as she helped me with our usual morning routine. She was brushing my hair and we both maintained a comfortable silence.

"My lady, did you know his lordship's birthday is coming up?" Ran asked me, disrupting the silence. I looked at the mirror in surprise to see the amused curiosity on her face. "I thought not," She replied to my expression. "His birthday is in two days."

"Oh," I managed to articulate. What was I supposed to say? The ache in my chest seemed to be overtaking my ability to speak.

"He doesn't usually celebrate it," She added thoughtfully. "He probably wouldn't want you to do anything. But you could…." She looked at me with a playful smile. "A present might be nice."

Oh yes, I thought darkly. A present would be a great way to encourage him….to give him hope that….The ache in my chest tightened painfully. _Perhaps he would have that look in his eyes….he would smile as if…._ "Fine," I sighed as if irritated. "What should I give him?" Amongst my own people….I did not know the traditional gifts between two people whom….I had never gotten the opportunity to do so and after the Fire Nation had come. Yet he had given me what he had thought to be traditional, thought it was wrong for it must be a tradition amongst our hand touched the bump of my necklace that was hidden underneath my clothes. _Blue….the only blue I had….and it had somehow become precious to me_.

"That is for your ladyship to decide," Ran answered me with a teasing smile. I scowled at her in response as she chuckled in amusement. I should not have put much thought into what I should give him, I had thought in retaliation.

The next day and a half were spent, thought I detest admitting it, wondering on what in the name of the Ocean Spirit I should get him. If I decided too anyways. Sometime ago I had begun to write my own poems as Satoru had suggested I should. No one had ever seen them and only Iwao knew of the scrolls existence. It was kept hidden away in the study. Moon Spirit and Ocean Spirit forbid if anyone should ever see my horrid attempt at writing! Yet I was rereading some of my older poems and came across one that….if I were to give him anything….I would want it to be thoughtful. Plus, I had no idea as to what he would like exactly. He seemed to have everything he wanted materially. Yet in one of his letters, he had written of his fondness for poetry. He had written enough of them for certain. It was one that I came across, one of my better ones, that I deemed somewhat appropriate. I rewrote the pathetic attempt at poem on a small sheet of paper. His handwriting was still prettier than mine, much to my annoyance.

That next day was his birthday. As usual, we had our dinner together. He had not mentioned a word of his birthday and he did not expect me to know that it was either. He was speaking to me that day about the fire lily festivals that would be occurring in several months. They are to celebrate the blooming of the fire lilies and he described how the green hills would look red from the flowers. I resisted the urge to shudder for it made me think of hills stained with blood. "Happy birthday," I said quietly.

He stopped mid-track in his words and looked at me shocked. "What did you say?"

"Happy birthday," I repeated with an uneasy expression.

"How do you…?"

"Ran told me," I answered him with a shrug. He could not blame her and I knew that he would was honorable to not be angry at her. Ran had been right when she had told me long ago that he was a fair master. He treated his people much better than others would. I had come to agree with this from my own observations of other nobility. I thrusted the piece of paper in front of his face. He took the paper from my hands with an even more surprised and curios expression. "I….I didn't know what you'd like," I started to babble, much to my own horror. "So…I thought…I don't know….it was something I wrote awhile ago….it's not good or anything…" While I was babbling away, he unrolled the piece of paper and read the poem. His expression clouded, but I could see his turn brighter. Katsu leaned over across the table and kissed me firmly, which naturally ceased my mindless chatter. The heat on my face rose.

"Thank you," He murmured as he pulled away from my face and settled back into his spot. I was in a breathless daze as I saw him tuck it away into his robes. He resumed eating as if nothing had happened. Ran was right that he did not like to celebrate his birthdays, but I had to keep a grin from forming on my face.

* * *

Two more weeks flew on by. There was a routine that had become part of my life. Others might have hated it, but I _enjoyed it_. After experiencing war and constant fear, this was….I woke up each morning to peace. I was not afraid for my life or for those I cared about every second of the day. There came something that I noticed, but tried to deny about. It was only confirmed again as those weeks went by. That day I went on a walk to distract myself from those thoughts out in the gardens with Iwao hovering nearby as usual. Again I found myself catching the sight of Satoru and Teruko walking down the path towards the alcove by the pond. I should have learned my lesson from last time, but curiosity got the better of me. Iwao gave me a look that could only be described as a warning one, if anything at all. I had scowled at him in response and snuck as close as I could to the alcove. They both went inside of it and sat down on the bench, hidden from my view. I could only hear their voices.

"….that was when I realized I wanted to be a scholar," Satoru went on. I had been out of ear shot before.

"I wish I could be like that," Teruko commented wistfully. "I've never been passionate about something. As a noble and a woman, I'm only expected to marry well."

"It's a pity that this is the social expectation," Satoru said harshly. "I've known some women who were brilliant. They could have been so much more."

"Yes," Teruko agreed with a shade of bitterness. "Social expectations…."

Satoru stood up from where he sat and walked out of the alcove. He seemed to be staring out at the pond with a frown that deepened. Satoru turned around so I could only see him partially again. "You don't want to marry your fiancée, do you?" He asked abruptly. "My lady," He added hastily as if to maintain a respectful tone.

"No, I don't," Teruko confessed heavily with shame apparent. "I was only scared before, but now…" She trailed off. Satoru ran his hands through his hair and turned away from Teruko once more. I felt as I could not breathe as I watched them. Naturally I felt some guilt, but was watching this scene unfold with amazement and pity. _Don't do it Teruko, I thought. It would only bring pain to you both. _

"You want something you can't have," Satoru finished for her. His back was still turned towards her. I could see the sour expression on his face. "I understand that perfectly." Satoru's fists were clenched.

Teruko gasped in a sudden realization. "You're in love with her," She blurted out horrified. "You're in love with Rana!" Satoru turned his head back towards her with a thin smile as he slowly turned around to face her.

"And who are you in love with?" He asked her shortly. "Let me guess, Lord Katsu?" He did not get it and for all of his intelligence! I almost felt like running over to shake him and yell at it him that it was Teruko. How could he not see it on her face? The pain that she had kept hidden so well these last few weeks? There had been that look between them that first day they met. I knew it now to be that spark that Katsu spoke of when I had asked him about love at first sight. Such things were still children's stories, I thought, yet that spark can exist between people. There was a spark between them and Teruko was certainly in love with Satoru, though it was a partial naïve love in my opinion. There was no denying now the fact that she did. "The nobles always win," Satoru asserted in painful bitterness. He must have realized it when he looked at Teruko. I could not see her, but could imagine the look on her face. "You…" He began to say softly.

"Since the moment I met you," Teruko declared solemnly. There was a moment as if they were both taking in deep breaths as the shock started to wear off for them both. "I was stupid to think you would, but I never would have guessed it would be because of…."

"Don't say it," Satoru interrupted her. "It doesn't matter. She loves his lordship." The ache in my chest felt empty at his words_. I do not love Katsu, I thought to myself. Yet….yet…_

"She's married," Teruko replied roughly. "I know her marriage was arranged and that she didn't love him at first. Yet how could you love a married woman?" Teruko was naïve in so many ways.

"Her marriage was arranged?" Satoru said appalled. "Is that what she told you? Sweet Agni…"

_Oh no…if he told her….….The image of the prisons rose up in my mind's eye…..my father…What Masato, Akane, and Katsu had all told me if the truth was ever found out! I could see their eyes now as the life fled from them! They would kill them or imprison them!...Akane….Ichirou….Masato….and…..and…..Katsu!..._

_Don't tell her, Satoru, I prayed. I trusted her, but what if she knew the truth about me? She was still Fire Nation!_

"What do you mean?" Teruko asked. She had risen from her spot and walked out of the alcove. I could see the tears in her eyes and the curiosity brimming on her face. Curiosity always seems to get the better of people sometimes. Teruko was only several feet away from Satoru as they stared each other down.

"Nothing," Satoru uttered cynically. "Forget it."

Teruko turned her head away before she looked back towards him. She opened her mouth as it to speak, but instead went to rush past him. Satoru reacted quickly and grabbed her forearm as she ran past him. He held her right arm as she went to pull away. The unshed tears were now falling freely from her brown eyes and her hair started to fall out its top-knot as she struggled. "Let me go!" She sobbed out. "You love her so you can't love me! I was stupid to tell you! I-" Her words were cut off as Satoru pulled her in for a violent kiss.

I looked away as I felt a blush coming to my cheeks. The scene had reminded me of…._Katsu and I_. Iwao looked at me indifferently and I shook my head at him. I peaked back at the pair. Teruko was silent as Satoru broke their kiss. I noticed that her arms, which had been hitting him moments ago, were now resting peacefully by her sides. I turned startled as I felt Iwao touching my shoulder. He jerked his head, telling me it was time to leave. I followed him agreeably for he was right. It was not right to watch them any further, though I was desperately curious to know what would happen next. It was none of my business though.

* * *

It was not until dinner that I saw Katsu again. The meal that night was more lavish than usual, I had noticed. My mind was back on Satoru and Teruko as I ate in silence. Katsu interrupted it as he handed me a wrapped parcel. I accepted it, wondering what it was for. "Today's our anniversary," Katsu revealed with a smile. "I knew you wouldn't care to celebrate it or remember it, but I decided to get you something anyways."

_Our anniversary?...But that would mean it had been a year, a whole year since I had come here! I could not believe it!_ I should have been horrified and yelling at him in anger. I was appalled that I was not and the fact that a whole year had passed. When was the last time I had tried to escape? Why had I not been working on my plan as I should have been? These thoughts stormed my head as I opened the package. Inside was a scroll and I almost dropped it in disbelief as I opened it.

_It was a waterbending scroll_.

There were pictures and descriptions of waterbending moves. Many I recognized for I had watched the waterbenders of my tribe as a child. Once I had begun my training, but it had stopped abruptly when the raids had started. I had practiced in secret for years, but could never get the moves right without a teacher or the knowledge of the proper movements. Tears came to my eyes, unbidden and unwanted. The ache in my chest expanded and deflated as the same time. "What….what is this?"I managed to croak out.

"It was wrong of me to forbid your bending," Katsu told me with a sincere smile. "A bender should know their bending. There's a place I know where you can practice in private and…" Katsu stopped as I threw myself at him. He had raised his hands as if to protect his face, but dropped them when I buried my face into his side. I could feel his arms wrap around me. I told myself that I was only doing this so he could not see the tears. Eventually when I felt that there would be no tears on my face, I let go of him and sat back up. The ache cried at the loss of security from his hold. I ignored it. My gaze noticed that I had abandoned the scroll on my cushion. I looked back to see the joyful gaze on Katsu's face that made the ache dissipate. If I were in my right mind, I would have tried to make that gaze turn into one of anger.

_He looked as he had in those portraits….that look that made me feel as if…._

"I guess I did well," Katsu bantered playfully.

There was the nagging knowledge that surfaced in my thoughts as I looked at him. _He would be happy….that look would never disappear…besides, it's not like I could hide from it forever…._

"You did," I replied charmed. I still could not process the knowledge that he had gotten me a _waterbending scroll. I would be able to learn my bending!_ "I have something for you in return," I continued.

Katsu smiled at me more deeply and softly traced my cheek with one hand. "Well, this is a surprise," Katsu commented amused. "What is it?"

"I think…" I managed to spit out. "I think I'm pregnant."

* * *

A/N: Don't you just hate cruel cliffhangers? On a side note, when Katsu speaks of "A bender should know their bending" is a quotation from the show! Thanks for reading and please review!


	25. Chapter 24: Changes

Imprisoned Love

Chapter Twenty-Four:

Changes

* * *

"_You've changed so much. I guess that's what happens. I wish you knew how much you changed me. I wonder if I changed you, if your are different because of me. Because mine's different. My god, you taught me so much, and now we don't even talk to each other. I guess that's what happens."_ –Unknown

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

The stupefied look on his face almost sent me into a fit of laughter. It took several moments for him to recollect his thoughts. "Are you serious?" He investigated cautiously. There was a suspicion on his face, however small, that made me realize that he wondered if this was a ploy to hurt him and that also…._he was afraid…_

"Yes," I retorted as I kept my smile hidden. It was then that I saw the look on his face. It blazed in his eyes and in his smile_….that look he had from the wall painting with Masuzu_. I yelped in surprise as he grabbed me and pulled me into a sitting embrace. "Katsu, I can't breathe!" I protested in a muffled voice from his shoulder. He chuckled and released his hold on me. I returned to my previous sitting position.

"How far along are you?" He inquired excited. He still held one of my hands in his own.

"Around two months I think," I reported as my smile grew wider. _He looked peaceful. There were no shadows in his eyes_. "If I am anyways. I don't know a whole lot about pregnancies."

He squeezed my hand in reassurance. "I'll send for a healer so we can be sure," He replied with blissful happiness. A thought seemed to overtake me and a small frown grew on his face. He looked at me with searching eyes. "Are you happy with this?" He asked with a tinge of denial and fear.

Months ago I would have screeched at him and hated the child growing within my womb. When I had first realized it, I had not been dancing with joy naturally. Yet these things cannot be changed, so like it or not I was with child. For certain, it would complicate things between Katsu and me….whatever our relationship was and the fact that if I were ever to escape…_though you have not tried in months!_ I pushed that particular thought away. Originally I had not wanted this child, especially since it was _his_ child, but after I saw that look on his face moments ago when I told him. _It made me want this child_. I smiled at him reassuringly. "I always wanted to be a mother someday," I returned honestly. "Though this isn't quite what I had in mind."

This reply seemed to be good enough for him. Katsu wrapped his arms around me once more and kissed my head. Iwao had been hovering out in the hallway and Katsu must have caught a glimpse of him. "Iwao!" He called out proudly. "Did you hear? I'm going to be a father!"

* * *

News seems to have a way of travelling fast in small communities. I knew that from my beloved city becoming nothing but a village. Gossip was one of the highlights of any small community it seems, no matter what nationality of the people in it. After dinner I had not been surprised in the least when Ran had come rushing to find me as I walked in the gardens. "My lady," She bowed with barely held excitement. "Is it true?"

"Yes," I mumbled in partial embarrassment. Did the whole island know already?

"Congratulations!" She gushed out with a brilliant smile. "I know you'll be a great mother! You've always interacted well with my own children when you visit. They're quite fond of you." I could not help the smile that came to my face at her words. Ran's joy was contagious. A healer did come later that day and confirm my pregnancy for the safe side. Much to my irritation, it had turned into an hour long lecture about what to do and what not do while pregnant. Katsu somehow got to skip out on all of this, but the healer had reassured me she would be seeing him after me. That had made me smile ever so slightly.

Later that day, I was sitting in the courtyard on the bench reading over the scroll of waterbending that Katsu had given me. He was off attending to estate business. I studied the scroll with excitement for he had promised to take me to secluded place that I could practice at. When I heard footsteps approaching me, I hastily rolled up the scroll and looked up to see Teruko approaching me. We had long passed the usual bow for greetings. "I just heard," She stated with a contained smile. I noticed that Teruko did not have the shadow in her eyes that had haunted her of recent, but in its place there was a joy radiating from her. I dipped my head in partial embarrassment.

"Who told you?" I questioned her carefully, holding in my irritation.

"My mother," She answered with a shrug as she sat down next to me. I tucked the scroll underneath my arm as she did so. "Mura, our head washwoman, is neighbors with your head cook."

"I see," I muttered moodily. Teruko tried to hide her bemused smile and failed miserably at the attempt. The smile was infectious though and I found myself smiling back at her. The image of her and Satoru was ever present before my eyes as I looked at her, but I held my tongue in check. Who was I to interfere? If she wanted me to know, she would tell me. Yet her arranged marriage was less than two months away now….what was she going to do? What was going between the two of them? I….cared for her well-being as with Satoru's….._I did not want them to be in pain or unhappy….because….they are my friends…._

"Congratulations though!" Teruko interjected through my thoughts, pulling me back to the present. "I'm sure Katsu is thrilled."

"Yes," I answered her. _The look in his eyes….it had been the same as in the painting with Masuzu…._I felt something warm in my chest as if I felt I could walk on the clouds. That everything seemed perfect in that singular thought. I looked at Teruko to see her looking at me with consideration. "What?" I asked curiously. "It's not like I've changed overnight because of being pregnant."

"No, it's not that," Teruko replied innocently. "I've just….the look you had now…I've never seen you look so happy."

…_..What?...I thought I had hidden any true sentiments from her well enough when it came to the truth….Was it that obvious?_

I tried to hide my shock from her, but was unable to do so. "And I was unhappy before?" I snapped at her, irritated at the fact the possibility that she might have seen right through me…..and also that I was _touched that she had_.

"I don't really know," Teruko returned while looking away ashamed. "Forgive me, Rana. It's not my place to say such a thing." I almost wanted to snort at the Fire Nation's obsession with rank. Technically I was a higher than her for I was married.

But I also felt my old anger rising up like an unleashed coil. My cheeks started to burn up. "It's not!" I snarled at her. _I wanted her to feel hurt for daring to notice….for daring to care….I wanted her to feel pain for being my friend…_

…_.Sometimes I wanted them all to burn in the same pain I still felt…._

…_.And I wanted myself to burn with them for daring to think otherwise…._

I stood up to my feet and stormed off several feet from her. I knew that the look of pain would be on her face, yet at the same time I did not want to turn around to face it. The fact that I knew better and told myself not to go there broke what little honor I still might have had. "I know about Satoru," I remarked darkly. Teruko took in a sharp intake of breath. She had told me of her feelings of him, but she did not know that I had seen them together.

"He is teaching me," She defended herself immediately.

"I saw the two of you doing otherwise," I spat at her with my back still turned towards to her. "What are you going to do? You're going to marry someone else!"

Teruko let out an abrupt sob. "I know!" She wept in sincere grief and heart-break. The guilt came to me then for trying to break her….she had confessed her feelings to me about him and now I tried to use it to make her hurt. _I was acting no better than them….or perhaps….it was she who was better then I._ "I love him, Rana!" Teruko confessed with the aching knowledge in her words that she should not.

I turned around and looked at her. Teruko was a quivering mess where she sat on the bench, but her look of guilt, pain, and somehow with a look of hope made my heart clench. The hope she had in her eyes….it was the very same sort of hope Kanna had maintained for a hopeless future. Something I had never been able to understand. "Does he love you?" I managed to say quietly.

"Yes," A masculine voice declared solemnly. We both jerked in surprise to see Satoru walking quietly into the courtyard from behind me. "Forgive me, my lady," He added with a small bow. Satoru walked past me to the trembling Teruko and helped her to her feet. He kept her hands in his as he turned around to face me. The look on his face was confident, but I could see a glimmer of something in his eyes. _…..Was it possible?...He had only claimed to love me a short while ago…_

"What will you do, my lady?" He asked me boldly. "Now that you know the truth?" It was a challenge from him. A challenge to help them or to leave them be….and the ending of their happiness in a short while.

"I don't know," I answered him honestly. How could I possibly help them? Should I even attempt to do so?..._Yet they are your friends…._I looked at the two of them standing before me. Satoru held Teruko's hand in his own and gazed at me with a challenge. Teruko's tears were starting to dry, but I saw the look of apprehension on her face. _They were in love….and they could make each other happy….and in this world with all its pain….who was I to stand in their way?_

_But they were supposed to by my enemy….how could I help them to be happy, while my people suffered at their nation's hands?_

"I guess there's only one option left," I said quietly. "But if you do it, I don't think there's any going back for either of you." There was a gleam of knowledge in Satoru's gaze at my words.

"The thought had occurred to me," He commented as he looked back at Teruko's curious gaze. She did not seem to catch on at first. "Yet I couldn't ask that of you, Teruko."

Then there was the light of comprehension on Teruko's face as she looked up at Satoru. In her face, I saw all of her appreciation and intense love for Satoru. _In such a short time she had come to love him. Why could I not….?_ The thought was destroyed as it went into a direction it should not go. "Satoru…I…." Teruko managed to stutter out. "What about your work here? Your patronage from Lord Katsu?"

"My work can be continued anywhere," Satoru told her reassuringly. He smiled lovingly at her and I felt a strange quake in the cavity in my chest. _Envy._ _But for what? I did not love Satoru in that way._ "Rana's right, if we do this….you'll have to leave behind your family. They'd never accept me."

"I know," Teruko replied carefully. She looked towards me briefly. "But I'm willing to leave everything behind…for you." The two of them had entered their own world as Satoru dipped his head down to kiss her. Quietly I crept away from the scene. What happened next with them was obvious, but as to how they would go about doing it I was not sure. Whatever they planned, I knew that I would hear of it from them. For there was one thing that I could help them with….Katsu did own have a small dock in small alcove below the cliffs behind the estate. It was from there that they could be able to make a private getaway….Satoru knew this, just as I did. Perhaps I was selfish in thinking it, but I did not want either of them to go. _They were several of the few friends I had here….I needed them….But they needed each other more._ The love between them was evident and a part of me _hated_ them for it.

I headed towards the study for privacy and settled down in my usual spot. Iwao had followed behind me silently the whole way, not saying one word about the situation he had just witnessed. He had stopped by the doorway when I had entered into the study. In fact, he had not said one word to me the whole day, which was not unusual for him. But there was that nagging thought in the back of my mind…a suspicion from the words I had heard exchanged between him and Satoru….and how much he disliked Satoru. "What do you think?" I called out towards the doorway.

Iwao stepped into view of the doorway from the hallway, but did not enter the study fully. His face did not reveal one once of any feeling. "Think of what, my lady?" Iwao inquired in a placid voice.

"Of Satoru and Teruko," I chided him with an annoyed expression. He knew what I was talking about.

"I have no opinion," Iwao answered me indifferently, much to my irritation.

"Of course you do, so spit it out!" I snapped at him.

Iwao's golden eyes seemed to, if only for a second, show a flash of mixed feelings…but the one I did detect was of intense dislike. "Satoru is an idiot," He muttered with the hint of repugnance. "Forgive me, my lady, but Lady Teruko is also a fool for thinking to love him. They are fools in love for they would break tradition and honor for themselves. I am not surprised by Satoru's actions for he-" Iwao paused as if realizing that he should not be speaking. He immediately shut himself of from me and bowed. "Forgive me, my lady," He intoned as he moved to step back out into the hallway.

"And my child?" I rebutted. He had been the one person thus far not speak of my pregnancy to me. Somehow I wanted to crack through that armor of his….someday at least. It was a challenge to me and somehow Iwao knew it silently. Perhaps it had started off for me in the beginning to stave off the boredom and days of loneliness when _Katsu had been gone._

Iwao's back was to me. "Congratulations, my lady," He replied in his usual aloof tone. Without another word, he slipped back into the hallway like the forgotten shadow.

My thoughts were a myriad, but things would follow their course I mused. At least where Teruko and Satoru were concerned. There was nothing I could do about that, no matter what my thoughts may be. I pulled out the scroll of waterbending I had been reading before, and resumed to study its fascinating contents.

* * *

I did not see Katsu again until that evening when we dined together. There was a lingering thought if I should talk to him about Teruko and Satoru for he could help them more then I could. Yet I kept it to myself, for they had not asked me to, and there was also the realization that he could not be supportive. What if he told Teruko's father for he was friends with him? I listened as Katsu told me about his affairs of the day, primarily in being those of the estate and dealing with locals. I half-listened for in all honestly, I did not find it all to be of interest. Occasionally I would ask a question, but I remained silent mostly. Katsu was used to that from me I supposed. It was his next words that made me catch my breath. "I received new orders today."

He sat to the right of me on the other side of the table. I had been in the middle of swallowing a spicy piece of seafood and started to sputter as it went down wrong. Katsu looked at me with concern as he handed me my cup of tea from the table. My eyes were watering from the coughing as I took the tea from him and drank it. I was not crying! "Are you alright?" He asked me earnestly. I nodded as I set the tea back down on the table. The speed of my heart had picked up at the sight of his eyes when had looked at me. _It was the same kind of gaze that Teruko had looked at Satoru with…I had seen it before, but somehow had refused to acknowledge it entirely. _

"What were they? Your orders?" I queried in the quietest of voices. Katsu looked at me thoughtfully and took one of my hands into his own. "I am to leave for another tour again shortly," He answered me bluntly. His eyes held my face as if I were trapped, for I could not look away. As if he were looking for something. "How long for?" I continued, trying to keep my voice calm. He could not leave me alone while I am pregnant with his child! That was my thought to myself…._but there was also the fear of being alone….for the last time he had been gone for those six months…._

Katsu gave me a consoling smile as if to drive away my fears….as if he knew they existed. "It will only be for six weeks," He told me as he stroked my hand with his thumb. "It's just a short stint on the patrolling the edge of Fire Nation waters. I won't leave for another week."

"Not that I care," I managed to retort out, returning to my usual ways. I took my hand from his and resumed eating as if I were impartial. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a bemused smile on Katsu's face momentarily. "I'll enjoy my time without you," I added after another bite of food. I looked over to see Katsu looking at me with a mixture of amusement and affection. Yet there also a lingering shadow there. He opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but closed it instead. Instead he reached out and pulled me towards him suddenly before I could even let out a sound of surprise. His lips were on mine in a heated flame….as if that flame could consume me…

…_If the flame could be the fire….that expresses where words cannot go…_

* * *

A/N: Well Dear Readers, it has been a _long_ time since I have updated anything here on fanfiction! First off, I want to apologize for I did a cruel cliffhanger last time! But here is my excuse...life! The last five or so months I was in summer session for my university and working part-time, but also I was preparing to go to South Korea for a year for study-abroad! The last month and half has been quite a change for me, but I do promise to continue writing while I am here for the next year. I am all starting to settle in! So please review (Or flame for taking so long to update!), but thanks for reading!


	26. Chapter 25: Abhorrence and Ardor

Imprisoned Love:

Chapter Twenty-Five:

Abhorrence and Ardor

* * *

_"When we don't know who to hate, we hate ourselves." _-Chuck Palahniuk, _Invisible __Monsters_

Disclaimer:  I do not own Avatar.

* * *

I had told Katsu that I was alright with my pregnancy, meaning I had come to terms with the fact that I was going to be having_ his_ child. Did this help me out at all in my current situation? Certainly not for it meant things….things would change. Would I ever be able to escape from this place after…? Worse yet….if the child was like _him….a firebender…._I knew that I would never be able to return home with the child if it was like him. My baby brother had always been looked at with fear or hatred. Just for having the golden eyes that are so common of the Fire Nation people. _There was also a quiet fear within me….what if I my child had his eyes….and I hated him or her for it? Would I be able to love this child with no resentment?_ My mother had loved my little brother, Kohaku, but she had detested him at the same time. If I had not felt that disgust for my little brother….would I be able to do the same with this child? _Yet….I was no longer repulsed by looking at his eyes…._

Katsu would depart within the week and each day seemed to fly on by. We spent our times together as we always had and nothing seemed changed between us. The only thing that was different was Katsu treating me delicately as if I might break at any moment. Several days before he was to leave, he finally took me to a private place where I could practice my waterbending. I was still shocked by the fact that he would even let me do so, after making me agree once to never waterbend for fear of discovery. He must trust me to not escape because of my promise….for if I trained and developed my skills….what was to stop me from escaping then?

It was after midday when I was out walking along the outer wall that faced towards the east. The expanse of the green rolling hills melded into each other. The dirt road leading from the estate disappeared quickly into it. A fierce sun was beating down on the landscape with the few white clouds in the sky. There was no breeze today, making the detestable heat of the summer here even worse. Not to mention the humidity. The clothing here was of such light make that even though I was wearing several layers I did not feel as if I was dying from the heat. I still detested the heat though. Iwao was close behind me as usual. I leaned against the stone wall with my forearms, lost in my own ponderings. The sound of familiar footsteps made me glance up to see Katsu walking towards me, passing Iwao as he did so whom bowed towards him.

"Are you busy?" He asked me as he stood beside me. I straightened up from leaning on the wall.

and searched his face for any clue to his agenda. This was unusual for him. He was usually busy during this time of the day. "I don't know," I stated with a shrug. "You know I detest spending time with you."

Katsu did not even twitch at my words. "I think you can ignore said disgust enough to want to see where you can waterbend," He murmured while stroking my left cheek with the back of his fingers. A shiver ran through my body. Disgusted indeed, I thought cynically. At the mention of said promised place to waterbend, I could not halt the smile that lighted up on my face. Katsu's eyes warmed in response. "Come," He ordered, taking my right hand into his own large one. He briskly took off with me walking beside him.

Perhaps it was because of his being a noble, but he was naturally used to issuing orders and being well…a commanding, quick-tempered man with emotional baggage that was quite similar to what I carried. This thought occurred to me as I walked with my hand in his as he led me through the gateway that led us towards the cliff sides. Where had this thought come from I thought? I looked at his face through the corner of my eye. He looked down at me as we walked down the path that led towards the zigzag path down the Cliffside where the alcove was. "Yes?" He inquired with a bemused smirk.

"Where are we going?" I asked sharply in recovery. Katsu was now taking off of us the path and walking south-west away from the alcove. The ocean crashed onto the Cliffside several hundred meters below. We walked only several meters from the edge of the cliff and were now walking on a green cushion of grass, instead of the worn down dirt path that was the only path from the dock in the alcove below the cliffs to the estate that was above the cliffs. The estate actually laid perhaps a thousand kilometers southwards from the cliffs. The village and the rest of the island inhabits all lived on the eastern part of the island. There was a small thicket of larger bushes and trees ahead of us, hugging the edge of the cliff.

"Don't you trust me?" Katsu queried with false injury.

I snorted. "That'll happen the day when penguins fly," I retorted.

Katsu looked at me with a confused face. "But they don't fly," He chided me with a frown.

"Exactly," I muttered we started to walk into the thicket. Sometimes I forgot about different cultural colloquialisms. It's not exactly like the Fire Nation was overrunning with penguins like back at….I forced the thought away. Several meters in we met the Cliffside and to my astonishment, a discreet path that led down the Cliffside. It was barely noticeable and probably was not visible from the waters below at all.

Katsu shot me a look that he now understood what I meant. We stopped before the beginning of the path which I looked at with a look of apprehension. The pathway down the alcove was several meters wide across, but this path was only half a meter wide. One misstep and you could go hurling several hundred feet down to your death. I was not afraid of heights, but still…._Ocean and Moon Spirit I thought. Now he wants to kill me._ "Watch your step, alright?" Katsu warned me, having chosen to ignore my last comment. I nodded, letting him take the lead down the path as he released my hand. I kept my back to the rock face as we went down for security. It was a relief to know Iowa was right behind me. I knew that if I slipped he would grab me with his lightening quick skills. It took a good twenty minutes of cautious inching on my part to get most of the way down the Cliffside. Katsu walked down the path nonchalantly without hugging the Cliffside at all. I glared venom at his back for that. I could see no visible beach at the bottom of the cliff and wondered where the path ended before my question was answered for me. The path stopped before it led all the way down into the Cliffside. It ended in a small opening in the rock face that would require you to turn sideways to go through it. Katsu slipped inside and I followed.

I winced as he turned around to face me with a ball of fire in his hand. Behind me Iwao entered and also lit up a ball of flame in his hand. I tried to ignore the fear that screamed in me at the sight of fire in their hands. The flames danced across Katsu's face, remind me of _the demon eyes behind iron helmets…_

Katsu looked at my face and retook my left hand with his free hand. We were in more of a tunnel then a cave that was narrow, but it was wide enough for two people to walk side-by-side as it gently inclined downwards. We walked for five more minutes down the tunnel before it opened up to one larger cavern. Katsu released my hand and started to shoot small tendrils of fire throughout the cavern. The fear whispered within me, but ceased when the tendrils of fire caught fire on the torches on the cave walls that I had not seen before. A small gasp came out of me as the previous darkness was now cast into the torchlight. The cave was irregular in its shape and the ceiling above still seemed to be like the night sky with no stars. From where we stood there was a sandy embankment before us on this eastern side of the cave, but the rest of it was a large body of water. "The water is from the ocean," Katsu informed me after my gasp. "The pool is gets deep towards the end of the cave and leads into the ocean a few meters."

"You swam it?" I asked baffled. If was probably pitch black swimming underneath the rock to the ocean, even if it was only a few meters.

"There's sunlight on the other side for the ocean bottom isn't too deep," Katsu enlightened me as if he knew what I was thinking. "You can waterbend here with no fear. The only people who know about this place is me and now you and Iwao." Katsu looked over at Iwao whom bowed towards him.

"My Lord," He said in his emotionless voice. Iwao had a way of reading people that I could never hope to have, but he somehow knew that the very mention of his was a dismissal that I would not have caught.

"I will be in the thicket," Iwao stated as he turned and disappeared into the tunnel behind us.

"How'd you know about this place?" I asked Katsu as I walked forward towards the water. I crouched down to touch the water, expecting it to be cold for we were in a cave. I was slightly shocked to find it was still warm, but the ocean waters here in the Fire Nation were warm after all. The water must circulate in and out of the cave I realized. The torches here revealed that Katsu had known about this place for some time. Katsu stayed where he was, but the fireball he had before had disappeared when he had lit the torches.

"It's actually more of a family secret," Katsu mused thoughtfully. I had both of my hands in the water and was now just moving my hands around in the water. The pool before me seemed black like the cave around us, but the torchlight danced on its calm surface. "My father showed me this place as his had before him. I don't know how long my family has known about it."

I stood up and slipped my shoes off of my feet as Katsu continued to speak. "Masato and I used to come here to swim as children and then when I was married…." He stopped and I turned over to look at him. His face was troubled at the remembrance of what were clearly painful memories for him.

"You and Masuzu would come here," I said for him. A blush came to my face at the realization of what they had probably done here. I turned away from him and stepped into the warm water to my ankles. The edge of my outfit was wet from the water. "How deep does the water get?" I asked hastily to change the subject.

"The water gently slopes out until it gets deeper on the other side," Katsu answered me. "It'll get over your head, but halfway through it comes up to my chest." Katsu let out a gentle laugh. "For you though that would have the water over your head." I looked over at Kastu and glared at him. "Are you going to swim?" I shrugged in response. "If you are, I'd prefer it if you don't ruin your clothes."

There was suggestion in Katsu's eyes that made his eyes seem to glow in the dark. I felt the warmth start to bubble within me. I stepped out of the water and onto the sandy embankment towards him. Whenever we were intimate, it always started out with fiery words and was usually the end result from our fights and my spats at him. The only other time it had not been so when was he returned from his last tour and this now was one of the few times of it not being initiated in what was usual for us. Katsu reached me in several strides and pulled me into his arms. My arms snaked up around his neck and I pulled the band out that held his hair up in a top-knot. His ebony hair fell out and reached the base of his neck. My fingers embroiled themselves into his hair. I would never tell him, but I lo…_enjoyed_, I corrected myself, touching his hair. Katsu cupped my face with his warm hands and gazed into my eyes. "Thank you," I whispered up at him.

"For what?" He replied and with bewilderment joining the smoldering hunger in his eyes. I never thanked him for anything sincerely, except out of polite habit and one time in a letter.

"For showing me this place," I confessed sincerely. _I should not, but…._ "For letting me learn my bending. I never thought you would." My bending was a part of me. It had felt like part of me was missing by not being able to practice my bending, but the knowledge that I soon would filled that hole. I had risked being caught by the Fire Nation to practice my bending back at…._and you were caught because of it I reminded myself coldly._

Katsu made a sound in his throat that sounded almost like he was strangling. He circled my cheeks with his thumbs. "It shouldn't have to be this way," He murmured darkly. When he said those words, I knew that he was not only talking about my bending. The look on his face also implied what was happening to my people. The war itself. This was the closest thing from him that resembled anything close to an apology or regret about the war. He had always just stated that it was the way it was and that it was not his fault that it was. I knew that to be true, but for him to admit that…._it was not right…or at the least that it should not be this way…_

"I love you, Rana," He said next with that look entering his eyes that should have made me do something, anything, to ruin the moment. It was there with that hunger that made me weaken in the knees and at the same time have the brimming warmth race through me. His eyes seemed to penetrate my own as if he were searching for something.

The last time he had told me he loved me, I had dismissed him with saying he was my enemy. The words had seemed so empty when I had said them and now….now I could find it in me to say the same words. "I….I don't hate you," I stumbled out before I could stop myself. Katsu's face blanched in astonishment. He certainly had not been expecting to hear that all of things. I pulled his head down towards mine before he could say anything. Our lips met as I began it in that urgent way that I had become fond of. I had not wanted him to have a chance to respond…_and I did not want to see whatever emotions were in his eyes…_

* * *

Katsu left several days later. Unlike the other times when he had left, I had informed him I did not want to say goodbye. My excuse had been that I did not care enough to want to say goodbye to him formally. _But really….I did not want to stand there at the dock and watch it sail away….it would feel as if…_Katsu had not commented on my request and had merely disappeared that morning before I woke after the passionate night that we had had together. The only other new occurrences had been my going to the cave to practice my waterbending for the first time and the development of getting nausea in the afternoons. I had found that my skills had decreased greatly for I had not practiced my bending in over a year, but I had only rudimentary skills even then. The joy I had felt when I had bended was indescribable. The only other times I had bended in the last year was the only time I had escaped outside of the estate and one time in front of Akane. As for the daily afternoon nausea, I knew that to be a side effect of the pregnancy. The healer had mentioned that such things might happen. Oddly enough the smell of the jasmine tea that I had come to like now made me want to relieve myself of my stomach's contents.

Part of me dreaded the fact that Katsu would be gone for the next six weeks. It was only because of the loneliness that I knew I would feel, though I abhorred even admitting this to myself. The thing was I knew I had not tried to escape in months. I had come to view these people, some of them, as my _friends_ and not my enemy as I should. _Moon and Ocean Spirit...I loathed myself for it and for daring to find peace here while my people suffered._ Would the Ocean and Moon Spirit forgive me for feeling that? For the first time, I was terrified that I would be trapped here for the rest of my life and not because of Iwao or the walls that surrounded me. _The walls of considering them my friends...for feeling peace here...and because of the child that now grew within me_. Such thoughts were ever present in my mind and were compounded with Katsu's departure. The day after Katsu left, I was pleased to say the least when I received a letter from Akane. Ran had delivered it to me with my breakfast. I had mentioned in my last letter to her earlier that week about my "present" to Katsu and was eager to see her response.

_To my dear sister Rana,_

_Congratulations! I was happy to hear the news and so was Masato, but I hope you are truly happy with this. I remember our last conversation and your reaction to the idea of having children with Katsu. This will be your first child, so I'm sure you must have questions? I know Katsu will be gone on another tour. He wrote to Masato. Do you wish for me to come and visit you while he is gone? _

_Thinking of you fondly,_

_Akane_

I wrote to Akane immediately and did request her presence. There were questions that I had that I had not felt comfortable to ask the healer. Honestly I wanted the company of a…._friend_ _so I did not feel this loneliness….the ache in the hollow in my chest…_

There was another fact that I knew I could not rely on Teruko at the moment. Satoru and I had not had any lessons since our last encounter. I had not seen either of them for over a week. They were doing who knows what, but I figured they had their own problems to deal with. _I was praying for them….it was the first time I had prayed to the Ocean and Moon Spirit for someone either then me in so long…_

* * *

A/N: I could apologize for again not updating for such a long time, but honestly I'm on an exchange program in another country. I'm busy dear readers, but I will try to be more consistent from now on. (I may have also suffered a severe case of writer's block for several months.) This chapter was bit more of a fluffy filler, but the next chapter will be longer and more progressive. The fate of Satoru and Teruko will be answered! Thanks for reading and please review! Reviews are my candy.


	27. Chapter 26: Consanguinity, Confusion, &

Imprisoned Love

Chapter Twenty-Six:

Consanguinity, Confusion, & Circumvention

* * *

"_I hate and I love. Perhaps you ask why I do so. I do not know, but I feel it, and am in agony."_

–Unknown

"_Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one."_ –Jane Howard.

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

Note: Rana plays a song in this chapter, if interested I chose this song as the one she plays. (FYI: Love this movie.) It's a youtube link with the line below as the http address. watch?v=vDtD8rVRe_Y

* * *

_I was standing in the center area of my village. The grey's sky snow was just as bleak as it was. Red fire gleamed like cruel lovers as they leapt in a dance from home to home. Screams thickened the air with the sounds of battle. I could see bodies of the fallen with the red painting on the snow. The smell penetrated my nostrils-the smell I could never forget. Burned flesh. I could not help the blurring in my eyes, though I should have known better. _

_One of the corpses splayed out in the carnage before me rose to its feet, turning to look at me with a familiar face that had haunted me for years. She looked at me with half-a-face, a twisted mirage of beauty and scarred flesh on one face. I could not move. She held out a hand towards me and her cracked lips smiled at me disgusted. "That thing in your womb," She announced with that contorted smile. "It'll be just like your brother. A corrupted and loathsome thing!"_

_I winced and automatically put my hands onto my flat stomach. No, I wanted to scream in denial, my child had not come from an act of hatred like my brother had been. This child had been created in…._

I lurched up into a sitting position with a terrified gasp. My breath was labored in my panic as my hand went to my stomach protectively. I closed my eyes and told myself that it was only another nightmare, just like so many others I had had over the years. Yet….this time _he _was not here. The bed next to me was empty and only the sheets were thrashed around from my night terrors. Somehow, when _he_ was here, the nightmares were not a regular occurrence. There was also a new fact that my nightmares these days tended to center on the life growing within me. The thing was that these dreams _scared _me more than the others ever had. For now I was thinking not only of myself, but of another innocent within me. Eventually I managed to return to an uneasy sleep where accusations and fears scourged my shadowy realm.

Two days after my letter to Akane she came to the estate, saving me from any feelings of monotony and possibly one of isolation without…Needless to say, I was elated to have her company, even if it was only to be for a few days. On the second day of her arrival we were both sitting in the study. I sat with my back to the window, enjoying the morning sunlight that warmed my back. Akane sat across the table from me with her embroidery at hand. She had offered to teach me repeatedly and each time I had turned her down. It was one thing to repair some clothing, but another to do torturous, precise, needlework. Even back….I had never really liked sewing anyways. Not that Kanna had not tried.

Much to my innate pleasure, I had found another way to abuse myself by practicing the erhu at Akane's request. I do not know if she did it merely to be kind or if she truly enjoyed listening to my playing. I had improved over the months and since she had last heard me, nevertheless I was rather awful considering that I had Satoru as a teacher. Albeit that it was no fault of his, and the blame was on my own lack of talent or lack of enthusiasm for it. After I had managed to fight my way through several songs, I had set the instrument aside with a frustrated sigh. I eyed Akane with boredom and debate on hand.

Akane had already begun to discuss with me any personal questions I had about pregnancy and her own personal experiences that I would not have asked the healer about. The thought suddenly occurred to me that I knew nothing about the traditions in naming a child in the Fire Nation. Back in….parents had agreed upon a name mutually when it came to naming a child, as far as I could remember at least. What kind of name would my child have? A surge of loathing went through me at the knowledge it would be a Fire Nation name. I highly doubted that Katsu would want his offspring running around with foreign sounding names. If I had to name my child a Fire Nation name, at the very least I wanted a name suggested by someone I cared for. "Akane," I asked abruptly. She did not move her eyes from her needlework. A sound of acknowledgement came from her. "Do you have any ideas for baby names?"

"You won't name this child," She informed me, looking at me from underneath her eyelashes. Her concentration was on the embroidery piece before her. The small needle in her hand moved swiftly back and forth in its precise and tiny stitches.

Quickly agitation spilled into me. "And why not?" I demanded politely as possible.

Akane responded with her attention still on her work. "Don't worry. Women get to name the girls."

I frowned at her confused. What in the name of the ocean and moon spirits made her think the baby was a boy? "What makes you say that?" I inquired curiously, putting aside my annoyance at another Fire Nation tradition. She had sounded confidant in her statement. "It's impossible to know if the baby is a boy or girl."

Akane's needle stopped halfway through a stitch, paused as she looked at me with surety. "A fortune teller told me," She assured me.

"You believe in that stuff?" I scoffed incredulously.

"Don't you?" Akane returned with a brief dismissal in her eyes as she glanced at me. The needle continued its movement as he eyes went back to her work. "Perhaps it's because of where you're from."

"So are all Fire Nation people as superstitious like you?" I asked, trying to withhold back any ridicule that wanted to seep through.

"No, not that I've noticed," Akane told me bluntly. "Only people from the more rural areas believe in these things still."

"Yet you believe it?" I returned, unable to prevent the mockery this time. Akane ignored my tone and kept on with her needlework diligently with the patience that many a hunter would envy for when it came to ice fishing.

"I used to be like you," Akane revealed, "Yet the local fortune teller in the village near here, she's _always_ right. The first time I went to her, I wanted to prove her to be a liar, but she correctly predicted the number of my children and when they'd be born. After my first two sons were born, I became a believer."

"Maybe it was a luck guess," I said miffed. There was no way the fortune teller could be right!

I saw Akane's shoulders give a small shrug. "I go to her every once in awhile. She has yet to be wrong."

I rose to my feet from my cushion to stretch out my legs. I turned towards the window to stare out at the sunlight garden. In the distance I could see the single caretaker of the gardens trimming a bush. "What else has she predicted for you?" I went on with the intent to find a wrong prediction, thus to make my point. I was also little intrigued by what this fortune teller supposedly has predicted. Sometimes I still prayed to the moon and ocean spirit out of habit and desperation, but I had ceased to believe in any kind of spirits or anything connected with the spirit world. The world is harsh and we have only ourselves. There is no one or nothing that helps us, or even if they do….they do not care enough for my people, my culture, for it is slowly _dying_.

"She predicted that I would lose a son," Akane said quietly, trying to hold back an old phantom. "She also said that Katsu would find happiness again."

I had winced at her first statement. Yet that did not prevent me from making my point. "Losing a son could mean many different things," I protested, "Like disowning him or him running away. And for Katsu's finding happiness again, that's just a generalization!"

"Do you want to know what fortune she gave for you?" Akane asked calmly, ignoring my protest. At those words I turned around from the window, looking down at Akane. The line had been set and now I had bitten onto the bait. "It might stop your protests." Her last sentence made me hold my tongue. I had been berating her over something unimportant, but still…

"Why not?" I said sarcastically. "Shock me!"

"She can predict more when she's with the person whose future she's seeing," Akane entailed with a mixture of reverence and respect in her words. "She did say that your first born will be a boy."

"Again, guessing and a general prediction," I stated confidently.

"It's not done," Akane said sternly. "She also said you're from another land and have suffered much, yet from your pain you will find much happiness and peace if you let yourself." Akane paused and looked at me with a wondering expression. "Wouldn't you call that accurate?"

There was a tremble of disbelief and denial ringing in my brain. There was no way… "It's a small island," I countered dismissively. "Perhaps she heard something." Yet there was something else for I had heard such words before from Akane and _him_.

_I did not….could not…._

"There'd just no convincing you, is there?" Akane sighed as if exhausted. "Why don't you just go see her if you're so set on proving her false?"

"I think I will," I declare, rising to my feet. "Let's go!"

"Right now?" Akane asked startled, looking up at me from her embroidery in half-exasperation.

"It's not like we're busy," I muttered, eyeing her needlework. She was quite good at it. Not that I cared of course.

"Ah, why not," Akane replied, setting her embroidery on the bench. "I could use a walk anyways."

* * *

It was a beautiful day for a walk. The sun was out with a playful breeze. Akane and I took the usual thirty minute walk to the village with Iwao hovering nearby. Akane told me she had come to her often over the years, but that on this trip to visit had been the first time since before my arrival to the island. She led us to a small house on the outskirts of the village that resembled the other houses. There was a well-tended garden in front of the house. The woman had to be cheating people out of their money through lies, so I was expecting a little grandeur at her house. It was now obvious to me why I had never noticed her home before. Akane knocked on the dark wood door, which was opened by a middle-aged woman with a non-presuming look. There were lines on her face and tanned look that revealed a life spent out in the sun. She had medium brown hair in a partial top-knot, the usual fashion, and a stern face with even sterner hazel eyes. Her clothes were the usual longer shirt and pants with an over-robe, all varying shades of red. The fortune teller opened the door wide. "Lady Akane," She greeted as she released the door to give the Fire Nation style bow. "I didn't expect to see you again so soon." I kept down the urge to snort at the irony of that statement. The fortune teller looked at me as if studying a scroll. "Lady Rana," She said respectfully. "I am Ira."

"The fortune teller?" I inquired, keeping any disrespect from my face. Ira looked briefly at Iwao who stood behind Akane and me, before looking back towards to me.

"On the side, I'm primarily a healer and help my husband on the fields," Ira stated as she opened the door beckon us inside. "Please come in." My evaluation of her occupation had been wrong. I felt the prickles of dislike at being wrong at the base of my skull. Ira brought us to a simple looking living room, instructing Akane and Iwao to remain there while she would do my fortune in another room. All of us were briefly startled when a loud crashing sound was heard from the hallway and four small figures came bursting forth into the living room. It seemed that three were wrestling in an entanglement of arms and legs, while one small boy looking to be around three years old watched silently with a thumb in his mouth. "Taro! Minari! Yori! Stop it this minute!" Ira yelled with an embarrassed blush rising to her face. Immediately all three of the children ceased their fighting and looked over at their mother abashed. Akane's son and Ran's two children were the only Fire Nation children I had handled personally with before.

Any other children had been seen from a distance, even Teruko's younger siblings. Thus I eyed the children with some curiosity. The oldest looked to be a boy of around nine years of age with Ira's hazel eyes and a look of mischief about them. All three of the children's clothes and hair were messy from their rambunctious playing. The other two children were girls with one looking to be around seven and the other perhaps around six. They were almost mirror images of each other and could pass for twins, if not for the older one having dark brown eyes compared to her younger sister's hazel eyes. The only clean looking one was the toddler whose dark brown eyes looked at the scene mystified. "Sorry, mom," The oldest boy chorused out.

Ira let out a frustrated sigh. "What have I told you about when I have guests?" She reminded him with a biting look. There was a small smile however, hovering behind that look of anger and some amusement. "Take your sisters and brother and go play outside now."

"Yes, mom," The oldest boy said meekly. He slinked out through the front door with the toddler's hand in tow. The two girls followed suite, but not before the youngest one waved goodbye at us.

"Forgive me, Lady Rana," Ira said quietly with the look of embarrassment remaining. She smiled and shrugged carelessly.

"Taro's grown since I last saw him," Akane observed politely. I noticed she was trying to dissipate any of Ira's embarrassment, but Ira did not seem to be too embarrassed in the first place.

"They all are," Ira replied, "Which is a pain when it comes to their clothes." Akane laughed in response and I smiled amused as well. Ira gestured for us to sit on the cushions in the living room, while she hustled out of the room into a nearby doorway that appeared to be the kitchen. Iwao stood in the nearby corner, silent as always.

"I still am not falling for it," I muttered to Akane. "Even if she's not in this for the money." Ira walked back into the living room through the doorway she had disappeared into with a tray in hand. I looked at her warily, but thankfully she had not seemed to have heard me. She set the tray before Akane, which had a pot of steaming tea and a plate full of fire cakes.

Ira rose back up to her feet and signaled for me to follow her through the same doorway she had come through. She did her fortune telling in the kitchen? It was small, yet airy with a cozy feeling about it. There was a small fire crackling in the cooking hearth and several windows open on its accompanying wall to let in the fresh air. Ira walked towards a small table with sitting cushions that was nestled in the right corner by an open door that gave view of the farming fields beyond. I sat down opposite of the doorway with the breeze bringing in the fresh air, scented of the fields and the ocean together. Ira sat across from me with the doorway to the back after retrieving a pot of tea and two cups from the counter. She gazed at me intently after pouring the two cups with tea. I held the cup in my hands on the table and was secretly relieved it was not one of the more particular spicy teas common in the Fire Nation.

"You don't believe in my predictions," She mused with a crooked grin. Had she heard me in the living room, I thought slightly shamed. "You're the persistent type. I figured you wouldn't even with what Lady Akane probably told you."

I tried to keep any surprise from my face. Perhaps she was just good at reading people by looking at them. "Akane told me what you said about me," I informed her with a careless shrug. "How much will this cost?" I added, wondering how much money she did earn from this scam.

"Nothing," Ira replied with a somewhat offended look. "I never charge anyone. My gift is small, but I use it to help people."

"By telling them their futures?"

Ira smiled wryly at me in comprehension. She knew I did not believe in destiny. "The future isn't set. I tell people the paths or events that are most likely to occur."

I took a sip of the tea, enjoying the spicy flavor that was not overwhelming for once. "So you mean one's destiny isn't set in stone, it can change?" I asked, trying to keep any hope from my voice. _That someday….I could return too…._

"It's hard to say, My Lady," Ira told me with a frown. "Sometimes it can be changed and other times it cannot be."

"Penguin fodder," I muttered. Her answer was a riddle and evasive answer at the same time! To think I had momentarily thought to hope even a little!

"There are different ways to do a reading," Ira said kindly, ignoring my response. "But my strength is palm readings. Which hand is your strong hand?"

"My left," I answered her.

Ira nodded with an apprehension. "Your right hand, please." I extended my right hand towards her with the palm facing upwards. My left hand held the cup of tea, taking comfort from its warmth. Ira cradled my hand on the table between her own heavily callused hands. She did work on the fields, I thought wryly. Ira's hazel eyes analyzed my palm steadily, while her fingertips traced across my palm. Several minutes passed this way before Ira released my hand. I brought it back to clasp my tea with my right hand. Ira's face was unreadable as she looked at me.

"It is the same as I said before….this child will be a son. You're from another land with a painful past," She paused, giving me a sympathetic gaze. "You could be happy if you let yourself be." I lowered my eyes and bit my tongue to keep it silent. _Such words….others had said it before….how I reveled in revile of such statements…and yet….there was…._

"Do you wish for me to continue?" Ira asked softly. My hands were clenching the cup of tea without me even realizing yet. I kept my gaze down, but nodded in consent. "You'll have more than one child…the number I'm not sure of," Ira continued with a concentrated face. "One of your children will have your gift though." A moment of terror filled me as she said those words. Did she know the truth about me? Would it bring about the end of myself…Akane…and others…even…even…

I looked up to see Ira looking at me with concern and comfort intertwined. No, I reasoned, even if she did know what my "gift" was she would not tell others. It was not her way. Ira spoke the next words so quietly I could barely hear them. "No matter where you go, your children will all be touched by the war."

The hollow in my chest quaked at her last words. The thought had occurred to e since finding out that I was pregnant that here, unlike in the Southern Water Tribe, the child within me…could know _peace_. Yet there was the fact, that even here, the war affected them for they were the _enemy_. _That…my child could one day be one of these demons in their skull helmets…_

I shuddered. Ira frowned at me. Still…her prediction…no matter where I go…did it mean I would escape from here someday? Of course I will, I swore inside, yet that hope for an eventual escape thrived on that promise. "Is that it?" I asked hurriedly, covering and pushing away my thoughts. The look on her face hinted that there was and whatever it was, she did not want to say it.

"No, My Lady," She replied hastily.

"There is!" I hurled at her. I could not help myself, even though I did not believe in this stuff I told myself fervently.

"You don't believe in fate," Ira announced quietly with a calm face. "This is something that can't be changed. Perhaps it would be best if-No one handles this kind of prediction well."

…_I have lived through hell…._

"Tell me," I ordered her.

Ira let out a small breath. "You'll die in childbirth," She informed me in a hushed voice. "Be it here or elsewhere. You cannot escape this."

There was brief silence before I snorted in derision. I did not believe in this stuff, I thought, although there was a tingling of terror trembling within me. Ira looked at me knowingly as if she had dealt with many others who had had a similar reaction. Nothing she says is true, I reminded myself….even if it was; it meant that this child would be born safely for she had said I would have others. "I'm sorry, My Lady," Ira told me respectfully. Her face was sincere as she began to rise to her feet. I followed suit. She escorted me towards the living room. "Feel free to come see me again."

"Thank you," I said in a low tone. The ache within me was pounded by the echoes of my heart. I did not feel much for speaking.

"Thank you for coming to my home," Ira announced, initiating the farewell. Akane rose to her feet with a fond smile.

"Thank you for the tea, Ira," She said with a graceful tilt of her head. Ira returned her smile and opened the front door. Iwao led the way through the door as Ira bowed towards Akane and I as we walked past her. It is all penguin droppings, I berated myself. None of it could be true.

* * *

Akane stayed for several more days. I pushed Ira's predictions to the back of my mind to enjoy with Akane. Her visit was just what I needed since _he_ had gone, plus her knowledge about pregnancy I found to be extremely useful. And occasionally amusing as well. I was sorrowful to see her leave; however I would have her letters to look forward too. Meanwhile I tried to keep up on my waterbending training. I had fallen behind from what I had once been, which had not been much to begin with, although now I had the waterbending scroll as a teacher. I had not forgotten some of the basic stances I had learned as a child. There was also my poetry and studies to keep up on, even that blasted erhu instrument. Somehow I was slowly improving on it. I visited Ran's home again and heard of her childrearing stories and advice.

I received a letter from Katsu after the first he had been gone. We began our usual exchange of letters. This time they were _different_. His were longer; more descriptive of his days and in mine…I began to no longer express my desire for his demise. Life continued in this fashion. I had only seen Satoru for my lessons and nary a sight of Teruko. It was in the third week since Katsu's departure that there was a change. Satoru came to me as I had thought he eventually would…

I was in the study, working on my own scroll of poems. After Satoru's suggestion all those weeks ago, I had finally tried my hand at writing poetry….not that they were any good.

_Center of rhythm,_

_A song somehow forgotten._

'_Tis a hollow beat._

_Yet a melody begins,_

_A __pattern pulse __cadence that_

I was struggling over the last line of the poem. It did not quite feel right yet and it seemed impossible to find the right words. "My Lady?" Satoru called out carefully. I looked up in surprise to see him hovering at the doorway apprehensively. I ducked my head in confirmation, resulting in Satoru sitting in his usual spot from my lessons. This was the first I had been alone with him since that confrontation and besides our lessons…

I glimpsed Satoru eyeing the scroll on the table curiously. Damn…I had forgotten to hide it away from his sight! "That's not a bad start," He commented, "But it's not finished."

"I know," I sighed in half frustration over the poem and also wondering what would be coming. "It's that last line."

There was a tense moment of silence following, almost as if we were both holding our breaths in wait. "Do you-?"

"I just-" We both began to at the same time, cutting each other off.

"Uh-Sorry, go ahead," I said immediately. There was nervousness on his face, probably as there was just on mine. Unconsciously I realized was fiddling with my necklace.

"No, you speak first," Satoru replied with questions now wrought in his grey eyes. His sitting posture seemed so calm and oblivious to the feelings running amuck in his eyes. The blood rushed to my face.

"So…you really love her?" I asked quietly. There was no jealousy on my part, perhaps in the fear of losing of my only…_friends_…I had here. It was truly a genuine concern and curiosity. I did not desire him to throw his life here, unless he truly meant it. Teruko certainly loved him and he had claimed too last time. Nevertheless, we were alone without Teruko present.

A small shadow crossed onto Satoru's face aligned with cognition. "I love her. We are connected in such a way…it was fate," He answered me matter-of-factly. He did not show any signs of embarrassment and looked at me directly. This was uncharacteristic of him for he usually was rather shy. He meant it. Every word. "I would be lying if I said I didn't love you still, My Lady, but it isn't same as it is with Teruko."

He was not lying. There was the answer. It led me wonder if it is possible to be in love with two people at the same time. Perhaps it was and it Satoru's case….he loved Teruko more then he loved me. Satoru believed it to be fate, even though I found that part impossible to believe. Fate, destiny, call it what you will is a load of penguin fodder! In this though, I was appreciative of the fact that I was no longer the center of his affections. But…I wanted them both to be _happy_.

"I believe you," I said evenly. Satoru almost looked relieved at my reply.

"I came to ask you for something," Satoru confessed. I knew this had been coming, but my nerves held me still. Please do not ask me something I cannot do, I pleaded silently. "I have the money and means for Teruko and I-For us to run way together."

"What are you going to do?" I inquired impatiently. The long awaited question was sprung from the trap. It was because I _cared_ for them both and also….the selfish part, the void within, twisted uncomfortably at the idea of them _leaving me_.

_I did not want to be alone._

Satoru flinched. He had been withholding himself from asking for he looked nervous, with a shadow of guilt. "I-We," Satoru stumbled out hurriedly. "We're going to leave the Fire Nation. Together."

A small, unpreventable snort of air came from me. I had known his answer before I had asked. I suppose I had not wanted to hear the truth. "My lady, would you be willing to help us?" Satoru added. The look on his face was one of the utmost imploration and _trust_. I did not want them to leave me….here…they were several people of the few I have come to….to _trust….and to love…_

I looked away from Satoru, trying to squash the selfishness within me, and yet, at the same time, I wanted to…

"I know you might feel betrayed," Satoru said as if he exactly how the feelings were whirling in me. "Teruko is one of your only friends here and…Forgive me, but I'd also like to think you consider me as one."

"I do," I mumbled while still looking away. I looked back towards Satoru and was startled too se my own pain in his grey eyes. "I don't want either of you to go," I confessed in a whisper.

"I know," Satoru agreed with me comfortingly. He hesitantly touched me on the forearm, giving it a gentle squeeze. "This is the only way her and I can be together," He went on with a morose smile. "I'd offer to take you with us, but…" Satoru glanced towards the doorway, where undoubtedly Iwao hovered like a vulture-hawk in the hallway. Satoru had offered to help me once before. That had been before he had met Teruko. If I came with them, they would be pursued because of me. There was no doubt in my mind that Katsu would send Iwao after me. He would chase me to the borders of the Fire Nation, and perhaps beyond…

I smiled sadly in return to Satoru in understanding. No doubt the bitterness was plain to see on my face. "Do you think that will be hunted down if you remain in the Fire Nation?"

"Without a doubt," Satoru responded resentfully with his own bitterness drenched in every syllable. "Her father is a noble." I had met Teruko's father in passing several times when I had been to her home. He had seemed a decent enough of a man, for a Fire Nation demon, but I kept the thought to myself. "We'll go to the colonies. It's a good place to get lost and not be found."

"So how do you need my help?" I asked, ignoring the jabbing sensation in my chest cavity.

Satoru's eyes met mine forwardly as he spoke candidly. "We'll need a several days head start, enough time to get away if her father decides to send anyone after us. Teruko would join you for a weekend trip to Ember Island…you'd write frantically to her father on the second day of her running away," Satoru smirked at his next words. "But truly she'd have left the first day with me."

It was a simple enough of a plan. Ember Island was a popular destination, so I could assume that it had enough people to have a busy port. The only problem would be getting there. Iwao would not allow for it unless Katsu had given the say-so for me to go there. Not to forget, Iwao had probably heard every word we were now saying. He seemed to dislike Satoru, so would he agree to help? Katsu did not need to know for he was friends with Teruko's father. I did not trust him because I did not know whose side he would take. _If I knew him better, perhaps I could…_

"I'll have to convince Iwao," I murmured. "There's no way around that." Satoru nodded in agreement. "Will you need money?"

Satoru scowled at me. "Please, the payload I got for you was more than any noble has paid me," Satoru jested humorlessly. He had teased before that he only stayed for the paycheck.

I smiled and Satoru paused as I did so. "I haven't seen you smile in…" Satoru said hushed. There was that look, however tiny, in his grey eyes, dancing with something else entirely. "Thank you, Rana, for your help…and for…" Satoru said haltingly in a serious manner as he searched for the words, the right words, for whatever it was he wanted to express. It did not escape my notice that he had called my by name with no titles for the first time. I hated being addressed formally to begin with so welcomed the sound of name from his lips. "I've no regrets coming here. You're the first women I've loved….and I learned much from doing so." Satoru gently touched my right cheek with his right hand. It was different from Katsu's hand. Softer. A scholar's hand. I should pull away I thought, but his grey eyes kept me grounded. The touch itself was not romantic exactly, although it spoke of a depth of feelings well-mixed.

The thought came to me, unbidden and unwanted, that in another time and place, I could have loved this man….in the way he loved me. Yet I had _learned_ from him as he had from me. I had come to consider him a friend. He had taught me to read and write, opening up whole new worlds for me. Satoru was one of the few here who had kept me from despair…and learning that _my enemy_ is just as human as I…

"Thank you," I murmured thickly. My throat seemed clogged as if winter had frozen it. "I hope you and Teruko will have a good life together."

Satoru flinched a little at my last statement. His hand fell away from my face. "Agni…My Lady…I wish…" He let out a frustrated noise. "I want you to be happy!" He declared loudly. "You deserve some happiness. Here I've found mine, and yet you-"

I shook my head to silence him. "It'll be okay," I comforted him. It was a lie and even as I said it…somehow it felt…

Satoru looked away from me as moment passed. He turned back with searching eyes. "I heard you're with child. Are you-"

"I'm fine," I interrupted him with a smile that would hopefully silence him. I was fine in a way about my pregnancy, yet when it came to…

"You should go now," I said in a low tone that left no room for argument. "I'll contact you once I get…"

Satoru nodded. "Please understand the urgency," He said quietly. "The wedding is-"

I dipped my head. Satoru rose and gave me their strange bow. His grey eyes were troubled as he looked at me. I gave him an affirming smile to ease that troubled gaze. Satoru left the study without another word.

How was I going to convince Iwao? There was a suspicion of doubt teasing the corners of my mind. Iwao did not like Satoru, this doubt, the small fear, that he might _refuse_ to take part. The question was hot to convince him, especially on withholding this from Katsu. A selfish part of me _hoped he would_. Satoru and Teruko would be forced to remain here…I would not be alone…and they would be miserable. That thought gave me the drive to confront Iwao as I rose from my cushion, readying myself for battle as I walked towards the doorway….

* * *

A/N: Well Readers, I'm back finally! Literally too. I am back in the States after being abroad for one year in South Korea! I can now promise to be more updating frequently compared to the last six months. The poem in this chapter is a waka poem and written by yours truly. Thanks for reading and please review. Hopefully this longer chapter makes up for not writing for so long, and the next one will deal with Iwao and perhaps Ember Island...


	28. Chapter 27: Ambivalent Exodus

Imprisoned Love

Chapter Twenty-Seven:

Ambivalent Exodus

* * *

"_Really great people make you feel that you, too, can become great."_ –Mark Twain

"_Why did you do all this for me?" he asked. "I don't deserve it. I've never done anything for you."__  
__"You have been my friend," replied Charlotte. "That in itself is a tremendous thing." _–E.B. White, _Charlotte's Web_

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

* * *

Iwao stood out in the hallway, seemingly immobile as a guardian statue. His dark eyes glanced at me with calculation hidden in their depths. He was a difficult, if not impossible, man to read to begin with, yet those eyes always hinted as a shrewd mind. "Iwao," I greeted him, "Will you come into the study?" I turned and walked back into the study, knowing he would follow me. Iowa would not sit, so I turned to face him after walking half-way into the room. Had he overheard my conversation with Satoru minutes ago?

"I know what you want," Iwao said in a monotone voice. His face was faceless, showing nothing, and yet everything. He truly detested Satoru.

"Will you do it then?" I asked, cutting to the chase. Iwao was not the type to beat around the iceberg and neither was I. A small part of me was peeved at the realization he had eavesdropped on my conversations, yet that was rather hypocritical of me in that respect, considering I had recently done the same thing to Satoru and Teruko. Mostly I hoped he did not report every word to Katsu, but I recalled Katsu's claim that he did not. Unless it was a life-threatening or concerning an escape attempt. Iwao opened his mouth to speak and I cut him off, using the one thing I hoped would make him agree. Not that I knew if it would work or not. "Do it for me," I implored him with a hint of a plea. Ocean Spirit, I hated to beg, but for them…just as Iwao hopefully would for me. "Think of it this way," I added slyly. "You'll be getting rid of him."

There was a quick glimmer of _pride?_...that vanished in Iwao's cold eyes. "I am almost fearful you know me well," Iwao responded placidly. There was a taste of acerbic humor in his tone though.

"So you will do it then?" I queried hurriedly. A tiny smile of satisfaction came to my face, also pleased with the fact that I had been right about Iwao.

"Yes, My lady," Iwao acknowledged. I almost missed the momentary tight clenching of his jaw. "I will do it for you."

* * *

Iwao wrote to Katsu for permission and Teruko told her family of the vacation, expressing the desire to have "bonding girl time" as she put if before her upcoming nuptials. Satoru made the plans he needed too, refusing to tell me the details for my own good as he had brushed me off when I had asked. Katsu wrote me a letter himself, received only a week after my conversation with Iwao…

_Dear Rana,_

_Iwao has told me of your wish to travel to Ember Island with Lady Teruko. I have given my permission, although I will emphasize to you that you must be on your __best behavior__. There's no need to state the consequences. Please be careful not just your sake, but for our child's as well. _

_Neither Teruko's family nor mine have property at Ember Island, so you will be using Kuro's home there. He always lends it to Masato or I when we desire to use it. The property is not too grand, but it is comfortable and has a fantastic view. You and Teruko will go for three days and Iwao will be there naturally. Since you are of higher position, technically it is Teruko you are keeping an eye on. I'm sure she will be a good companion and teacher for you. This is a chance for you to observe and participate in life of Fire Nation nobility, just like when you went to the Capital. _

_Enjoy it. _

_I recommend seeing a production by the Ember Island Players while you're there. I'll be home in four weeks. Don't do anything foolish._

_Your Husband, _

_Katsu_

After reading his letter, I did not know whether to tear it to pieces or rejoice over the fact that he trusted me enough to travel to Ember Island without him or his family. It would only be Iwao there and Teruko did not know the truth. This trip, along with my previous trip to the Capita; and my newfound freedom of travelling around the island gave me the smallest hope of someday being able to escape. Even though I was pregnant, this secret desire was still alive; flickering in the ashes, but _it was there_. Nothing could change that.

* * *

Two days after receiving Katsu's letter, Teruko, Iwao, and I travelled to Ember Island by way of a public ferry ship that had come to Katsu's dock. Iwao handled the traveling details. There were others on the ferry, a mix of nobles and wealthy commoners. Teruko and I kept to ourselves during the afternoon voyage to Ember Island. Teruko passed the time by regaling me with stories of her own experiences there or stories that she had heard. Even though this trip was a ruse for their escape, I was somehow still excited about the trip and that I would be with Teruko. There was also a shadow of nerves and apprehension overshadowing us. Would it work? For me, I wondered how Katsu would react and if his newfound trust would be shattered. Was I destroying my own future for an escape….for one of _them_?I tried not to let these thoughts follow me and spoil the short time I had for fun…and for farewells…

We arrived at the one major port at Ember Island, where Iwao had arranged for a comfortable cart with a komodo-rhinoceros at its head, driven by a commoner whom ran this as a business. The driver took us from the bustling town on a road hugging the beach line westwards, where the nobles primarily had their housing. Ember Island was everything I had heard. Beautiful with green rolling hills and astounding beaches, and a serene feeling, accompanied with a passionate breath of life. Teruko was to leave the next day after Satoru had come to retrieve her. I would then write the next day frantically of her disappearance to her parents. Kuro's vacation home was nestled on top of the beginning of the hills that grew higher in elevation on the western part of the island. It was less than a five minute walk from the beach and other houses on the hills each had a measured space between them for privacy, accomplished by brush and trees. Or merely a wall surrounding a house did the trick for a few of them, Kuro's included.

A gate led into the simple courtyard with the house positioned in the right corner. A pavilion around the house led to a small garden on the left of the enclosed property. The house itself was colored and tiled in the usual styles of the Fire Nation. Once inside, I found that the bottom floor was compromised of the kitchen, a sitting room, and two bedrooms, while the top floor had two more bedrooms and a dining room that looked out onto the ocean with opened archways that led to an outdoor patio. Katu had been right.

The view was breathtaking.

One servant had been hired to clean and prepare for our arrival, and to wait upon during our stay. She was a young woman near our age from the town and did this for various houses whenever the nobles came to visit. Apparently she had worked at this house a few times before. I found myself bewildered over my interested in speaking to her, to _befriend_ someone, a complete stranger and who was Fire Nation. It was different with Ran, but a reminder from Iwao and my lessons from Satoru told me I should not socialize with her. Anzu was a servant and supposedly beneath me. The class system here in the Fire Nation often confused and irked me to no end. Never the less, I heeded Iwao's warning I did not want to cause trouble or attract any unwanted attention. Anzu seemed touched by my initial interest in our fist conversation and was friendly, but then again it was her to job to be polite to me. Perhaps I was over-reading it. After Teruko and I unpacked, or at least I did, she proposed that we visit the town to purchase swimwear for myself and then head to the beach….

Teruko made me try on five different swimming outfits before we both found something that satisfied my modesty and her urgings for something fashionable. I had no money on me and I was partially indignant that Iwao had access to Katsu's money, my allowance Iwao informed me that I had always had apparently, but could not physically access. The beach Teruko took us too was one of the most popular ones. It was evening with the sun lowering on the western sky and the golden sands were still warm to the touch. Many people were still out engaged in games, reclining in the sand, or playing in the waves. Teruko had brought a blanket with us and set it out on the sand, not to close to any other group on the beach and near an ongoing game of that had two teams of players tossing a ball back and forth over a net. We both sat on it, enjoying the beach, with Iwao hovering nearby looking out of place in his full covering, unlike the rest of the attendees at the beach.

I nestled my toes in the sand and switched back and forth between watching the nearby game and the gentle waves with a red sky behind it. The sun was starting to eclipse the horizon. Red, I thought bitterly, was even in the sunset tonight. I had not spoken with Teruko yet of what was to happen, both of us I think were too nervous to broach the subject. "Are you nervous?" I asked Teruko quietly, lest anyone overhear us.

She was to the left of me, half-laying on her side with her right arm propped up to hold her head up. "Yes," She admitted in a low tone. "And I am sad that I'm leaving my family behind, but there is no other way we can be together." Her words gave me pause. She had told me before that she was willing to leave her family behind for Satoru. I had met them before and they seemed like a loving family, especially her two younger siblings. They would be devastated, just as I could see that Teruko was barely hiding her own pain. Yet she had said there was no other way and that her father would never let the two of them to be together. Once again the class system of the Fire Nation gave me more reason to revile it. Here it was tearing Teruko apart from her family and most likely condemning her from ever seeing them again. I knew perfectly well the loss of one's own family and the void within me ached for her. "I haven't thanked you yet, Rana. I'm-"

"Don't," I interrupted her, turning my head to look at her kind face. I could see the pain and remorse on her eyes, so like my own were most of the time. Trying to hide and unable to completely do so. "I should be thanking you for being my friend," I told her sincerely and also trying to alleviate her pain. "I didn't know what it was like to have a friend who's a girl near my age before you…" I paused and looked away from her touched face. My throat was tight and I crunched my eyes, blaming the sand inwardly. The void within me ached with every pound in this moment. "I'm going to miss you," I confessed thickly. Moon and Ocean Spirit it was difficult for me to breathe! My head turned to look back at her when I felt her hand touch me on the shoulder. Here I had been trying to comfort her and now it was the other way around, just like Teruko in her kindness. She was now sitting up beside me with a miserable face.

"Sometimes you seem so alone," Teruko said softly with her eyes searching my face as if she would find the truth.

…_If only she knew….would she hate me for being Water Tribe?..._

"I don't know why that is, but I feel bad to leave you this way-"

"You both deserve to be happy," I cut her off, wanting to leeway her guilt. Our eyes met in a mutual understanding. This was difficult for both of us. "Don't let the guilt of leaving your family or me overshadow this. It's not your fault that any of this is the way it is." She could not change the way her society is run or the fact that her family would not accept her being with Satoru. This way they could start over together and be accepted elsewhere. They could be happy and she did not need to torture herself endlessly. At this realization came to me, Akane's words about myself haunted me…_"You would be happy if you just let yourself be."….I could not change what had happened, but I-_ The thought was instantly and immediately vanquished.

Teruko's next words brought me back to the present, helping to chase my own demons away. "I don't always understand you," Teruko informed me with a strange combination of affection and apprehension. "How can it be that I'm one of the only girlfriends near your age you've ever had? I've noticed things….something I'd never bring up until now. Rana, I'm leaving and I think Satoru knows….you seem conflicted….and…." Teruko's speech had become stilted and troubled towards the end.

_I cannot, I swore, Yet…_Here she was, and Satoru, both _trusting_ me. Satoru, Akane, And Ran all knew the truth…would it be any different if Teruko knew? She was leaving now, so it was not like she would be here to tell anyone, but it still could be dangerous for her to know. Furthermore, would she _hate_ me? Could I trust her? The question was _did I_?

Somewhere along the way I had come to trust her. I _wanted_ to tell her the truth. The truth was I had for months. Ocean and Moon Spirit, I would leave it to them I decided. When I looked at Teruko's waiting face, somehow a part of me knew, it did not need to be left to them. "I-I'm not from here," I told her, looking around us nervously. Iwao was out of ear shot, or at least I hoped so. Would he stop me? "I'm not Fire Nation." I analyzed Teruko's reaction every second. Surprise flittered across her face, rapidly followed by comprehension, confusion, and even empathy. There was no disgust. No hatred.

I had a disheartening realization that months ago the single fact that Teruko was Fire Nation would have set my hatred on fire, while ironically it seemed to be the opposite for her. "Where are you from?" Teruko asked me quietly. Here we were discussing secrets on a public beach, while no one here could have been the wiser for it.

"The Southern Water Tribe….I….I was stolen from my home," I told her and I could not keep my voice from breaking at the end like a sea drift iceberg breaking to pieces. "Katsu…he, I guess you could say he saved me from the prisons," I continued on begrudgingly. As much as I detested to admit it that is where I would be right now if not for him. The prisons for the waterbenders were not public knowledge I think , but I may have been wrong about that part. I did know that that Fire Nation children were raised to believe my people to be inferior and beneath them at the very least.

Teruko's eyes widened as she took this all in, connecting and interweaving the chords in her mind. "That explains your eyes," Teruko commented after a long and tense moment. "And why Satoru would not tell me….and why you seemed to hate Katsu at times."

I do not hate him I thought, not anymore. Though I certainly did not like him either. The fact that this was my first thought should have reviled me. Additionally, it seemed I had not played the part of loving wife as quite as well as I thought I had in front of Teruko.

"Do you hate all Fire Nation?" Teruko went on. I could see the waiting look mingled with the expectation of hurt.

"Do you hate the Water Tribe?" I rebutted to make a point.

Teruko frowned at that. "Well, I don't know, I've never…" She paused and stared straight into my eyes. "I do know that I don't hate you and that you are my friend. I know that I'll miss you." My throat was tighter than before. Teruko wrapped her arms around me in a hug. We should both hate each other. Yet, it seemed, that even friendship could overcome nationalities and hatred. It could overcome gulfs that before I would not have believed possible. Who knows, I pondered in wonder, perhaps it could even outlast lifetimes.

* * *

We returned back the house and had a rather quiet dinner. Iwao did not say a word to me, so I wondered if he had overheard us at all. I went to bed that night and did not catch much sleep for Satoru would be here early in the morning to retrieve her...

I awoke to a soft hand gently shaking my shoulder and to my name coming from Teruko. My eyes opened from an uneasy sleep to her see standing over me. "Rana, wake up. Satoru is here," She informed me gently. I nodded in understanding and rose from my bed to put on a robe for decency. Teruko offered her hand to me which I took in her comforting hold as she led me down to the inner courtyard. The sun had not yet risen, leaving us in a shadowed light and crisper morning air. Iwao stood in the courtyard stiffly as usual, watching Satoru nearby who stood with several bags near his feet. Teruko led me towards him and I could see in the dim morning light that a single komodo-rhinoceros was outside of the opened gate. "My lady," Satoru acknowledged me, turning my eyes back to him. I stood several feet away from him with Teruko still holding my hand.

"Satoru," I returned, barely keeping my voice sounding strong. "I-"

I was not able to say any more words as Satoru closed the distance between us, pulling myself and Teruko into a tight embrace. He had never dared to touch me this way before, but I was glad that he did. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see that Iwao had started for me at this gesture, but had stopped mid-step. "Take care of yourself, My lady," Satoru said pensively and likewise stronger them I had heard it before. "We will write to you when we can." It was those last words that he let go of myself and Teruko. The two bags he lifted and tied onto the komodo-rhinoceros as Teruko gave me another hug.

"I'm sorry about what happened to you," She whispered into my ear. The tears came out from my eye's corners, treacherously sneaking their way out. "I hope you find happiness." Teruko let go of me and I could see the tears on her face as she smiled at me morosely. She walked over to Satoru outside of the gate as he lifted her onto the komodo-rhinoceros, and then himself. The beast took off down the road, leaving a dusty trail in the early twilight. Seeing the two of them, two of the very few friends I had here, knowing they would be _together_ and that they had _each other_, ride off together down that dusty road….

….I had not felt so alone since I had first come to the Fire Nation…

….Nor yearning for what _they had_ while I did not, and the worst part of it was that I knew that I could….

…If only _I could let myself_….

* * *

A/N: I want to dedicate this chapter specifically to friendship, its strength and weaknesses. Recently I lost the friendship of two different people over the last several months who I valued as good friends. I guess our friendship was not as strong or as important as I thought it was. That being the case for this chapter conventionally and that my best friend of all time moved away last year while I was overseas and I have not seen her since I've been back. So this is for our friends who we have all lost under various circumstances or miss dearly.

Here is the long awaited chapter a few months...not since this summer actually. Thank you for patience and understanding, dear readers. Life has a way of making us all busy. I will be writing more often as I'm back in the game, and no, this time I'm not lying! Thanks for reading and please review!


	29. Chapter 28: Expectation

Imprisoned Love

Chapter Twenty-Eight:

Expectation

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"_Why is it that hate comes out so easily, yet…love? It gets trapped inside."_ -Unknown

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

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I watched the sunrise from the dining area on the second floor, leaning against the railing, breathing in the salty-tinged air. It was a softly beautiful sunrise, starting out like a small flame with a purple smoke wafting from it. Tomorrow I would write the letter to Teruko's family, telling them their daughter had run away. A small guilt formed within me for I had had in hand to them losing their daughter and a sister to her siblings. They might blame me or not, but I still knew what I had helped to do, even if it was in the name of my friendship for Teruko and Satoru. Even worse, what would _he_ think? Would I pay a price for what had happened?

Iwao's steps were silent, but I felt his presence as he approached me from behind and stood to the right of me. I could feel his dark eyes on me and I merely kept my gaze on the horizon. "You will miss them," Iwao stated solemnly with no emotion in his voice after a pregnant pause. It was not a question, but a fact. An observation which he was using to get me to speak. Iwao never sought me out for conversation usually, so I kept my surprise to myself.

"Yes," I admitted, taking a deep breath in to keep back the wetness I felt gathering in my eyes. "Not that you will," I added icily before I could stop myself. My temper and the urge to lash out at someone, at anything, was overwhelming right now, especially since I knew Iwao detested Satoru and must be silently rejoicing in his departure. Before I had come here….I had had a temper, but I had never lashed out like I did here. At the beginning, it had been at everyone here and it had transformed into usually being fixated at _him_. Yet he was not here and even though I knew I should not, I _needed_ to make Iwao hurt. How dare he stand there coldly, while I felt….felt…._alone_…

"You are right," Iwao responded flatly.

"I'm sorry," I stumbled out, feeling the rage that had come flee as the guilt followed. "I shouldn't have said that." My head turned to look at Iwao's indifferent face with his shrewd eyes giving away nothing.

"There is nothing to forgive when there had been no offence given," Iwao worded dispassionately. Even while he said it, I almost thought I caught a look of appreciation in his shadowy eyes. "You should not sulk about today because of this though, My lady, you should enjoy what Ember Island has to offer while you are here."

I opened my mouth to retort that I was not sulking, but snapped it shut at the fact that I was. If I had it my way, I would probably end up spending the whole day moping about the house. Iwao was right. I should enjoy what little time I had left here and who knows, perhaps it would keep the melancholy at bay for a time. A smile of gratitude came to my face. "Thank you, Iwao," I said to him warmly. "If I didn't know any better, I would say you cared about my feelings."

There seemed to be a momentary flash of amusement on Iwao's face. "It is my duty to protect you," Iwao told me unfeelingly. "What you interpret from it is entirely upon you, My lady."

My mouth opened wide as I laughed, perhaps too hard almost. But it made all the difference in making me feel better. Perhaps Iwao was trying to make me feel better or I was over reading it as was my habit.

* * *

Later that day, I decided to take Katsu's advice to go see a production by the local theatre company, the Ember Island Players, in the heart of the town. My seat ended up being a balcony seat with others surrounding me, where I had a reasonably good view of their production _The Summer of Fire Lilies_. The story of the play itself was of two lovers from noble families that had an ongoing feud, which was a romantic comedy of sorts, and ended with the Fire Lord coming in to save the day by ending the feud between the two families. While the scenery and effects were good, the play's lines and acting were an entirely different story. Iwao had sat beside me the entire production without making one sound or comment, yet I got the impression somehow that he had _enjoyed_ it. Perhaps it was the attentive fixation of his eyes on the stage instead of darting around the room like they usually would, always on the lookout for danger. During the production, I had noticed how one balcony to the left of my own a few down was entirely empty except for three individuals sitting inside of it. There were also two soldiers in the red uniform of the imperial firebenders, I had seen them in the Capital and Satoru had taught me who they were, standing at the doorway of the balcony behind the three seated individuals.

As the curtain went down and the applause broke out at the end of the production, I leaned towards Iwao. "Who are they?" I asked, looking towards the balcony.

Iwao clapped his hands and looked briefly towards the balcony. "The Royal Family," He stated quietly. "They have a private vacationing house here." My eyes widened in response as a flash of realization went through me. Akane had told me of her son, a second son born after Ichirou that was not truly dead….but instead had been taken by a shadowy organization known as the Society that trained bodyguards. A tradition that involved the Suzuki family providing bodyguards for the Royal Family, a secret from the world and perhaps even themselves at times. Was Akane's lost son one of the figures sitting over at that balcony? What had she said his name was…? _  
_…_Renzo…Yes…_

I remembered now for…

_Akane had looked at me with pitying eyes. "I thought you should know. They took him from me because of the Crown Prince," She had let out a deep breath and looked back at me more calmly. "It could happen to you someday."_

Moon and Ocean Spirits, I thought horrified at the new realization. At the time I had denied the chance of ever having Katsu's child and here I was pregnant. Would…could I lose my child just as Akane had? No….I thought to myself, she had told me it only happened when a royal male child was born and I knew that Crown Prince Iroh was the only existing child in the Royal Family. Yet what if another male was born into that evil family? Would they steal one of my children from me? For Ira, the fortune teller, had told me I would have more than one…but someday I would escape from here! It did not mean that all of my children would be _his_.

I let out a small breath to calm myself down. There were no other royal children in the family, so the child within me was safe. One day I would be free of this place, I swore, so there was no need for me to think further on it. My attention still drifted to the balcony where the members of the Royal Family sat out of curiosity. Everyone knew that Fire Lord Sozin was the one responsible for starting the war and his son, the current Fire Lord Azulon, was responsible for the decimation of _my people_. His son had to be evil just as he was. What was his wife, the Fire Lady Ilah, like I wondered. Others around me started to depart from the balcony, so I followed suite and headed for the exit with Iwao at my side. When we exited the theatre, I noticed a crowd of people still hanging around in the courtyard at the entrance like a throng of seal-penguins.

"What are they waiting for?" I asked Iwao quietly.

"Too catch a glimpse of the Royal Family," He answered me coldly. Iwao paused and looked around with what almost could have been hesitation. "Would you like to stay as well?"

I shrugged. It was not like I would be able to use any waterbending to murder the heir of the Fire Nation throne, not that the idea had not come to my mind when Iwao had told me the Royal Family was only meters away from us. I was not skilled enough nor was I stupid enough to try for I was no assassin and I had another to worry about within me. Plus, I did not have a death wish as I had months ago. No, I made another profound realization tonight, I _want_ to live. The desire to die no longer dwelt within me, no longer haunting the edge of my every thought. Iwao led me to the edge of the ever growing crowd, which had become increasingly noisy as well. A group of Imperial Firebenders emerged first from the exit, cutting through the crowd and holding them back to make a clear pathway. There was no way for me to see over the much taller people ahead of me and I almost cried out in surprise when Iwao lifted me up by my waist without telling me. He held my against his chest with my back to his face. While I appreciated being able to see, and noting that two pavilions with bearers had also entered the courtyard and at the edge of the now clear path through the crowd, I was not particularly happy either.

"Iwao, what are you doing?" I whispered annoyed. He never touched me, not unless it had been to prevent an escape in the past.

"Do you want me to put you down?" He asked indifferently.

"Well, I-" My words were lost as the crowd around me cheered in excitement as a beautiful woman came through the entrance of the theatre. The flashing golden symbol of the Fire Nation immediately identified her as a member of the Royal Family. I noticed that others were also being held up in the crowd to catch a view, but as I noted to myself most were children for I am short compared to the Fire Nation standard. From this distance, I could make out her long, black hair and elegant dress, but not much more than that. She must have smiled at the crowd for they cheered louder as she made her way to the first pavilion. A few feet behind her followed a smaller figure whom had to be Crown Prince Iroh. I knew him to be thirteen years of age, so naturally he was much shorter than his mother. He still walked with the same regal bearing though and gazed at the crowd solemnly while they even let out a louder cheer at the sight of their beloved Crown Prince. The urge to vomit at their reaction filled me. How could they cheer on the son of a mass murderer whom would surely one day fill the same steps as his father and grandfather before him?

I could not see his face clearly and how I wished I could spit at him….or use my waterbending to _destroy him before he could destroy the world further_. Yet I was held in Iwao's grasp and watched the scene with a seemingly calm face instead, letting one of my worst enemies walk happily right on by me. The spirits were truly cruel if they existed.

Another figure almost beside the Crown Prince had almost escaped my attention and had seemed to do so successfully with most of the crowd. A smaller figure, a young boy, walked beside the Crown Prince in neutral clothing that revealed nothing of his identity or role. Was it possible that it was _Renzo_, Akane's son? I could not be sure from this distance and the child disappeared from my sight as the Crown Prince entered the second pavilion, which rushed away quickly from the courtyard in the moments I had glimpsed the child.

Iwao and I had returned to Kuro's house silently after he had let go of me as if he had never picked me up to begin with. The hours melded into the night which I had passed with reading several scrolls that I had found in a small collection in the bedroom I was staying in. Early the next morning, I wrote my letter for Teruko's family of her running away the short letter she had left of doing so. Teruko had left it with me before her departure the previous morning, which I sent along with my letter to her father. Iwao had read it over for me to make sure it fit the bill before sending it off for me by hawk messenger, as well as writing his own letter to Katsu of Teruko's running away. He was keeping his promise to keep it a secret from Katsu, something I still found difficult to believe. I had asked Teruko's father in the letter if I should alert the local home protection force to search the island for her, specifically of what I could do to help for I had failed as her guardian on this trip.

Not even two hours later, I had received a response from her father that was tinged with devastation and terrible anger. He would prefer that this whole affair be kept private lest it ruins their family name and he would have his own people look into the affair. While he was heart-broken that Teruko had chosen to do this, he did not put the blame on me, the wife of one of his beloved friends and neighbors, for I was near her age and was of course oblivious to his daughter's plans. While I was rather grateful and guilty feeling about her father's reaction, I could only hope that Katsu had a similar view of my supposed innocence in the whole affair.

* * *

We returned back home, the estate I mean, that day quietly. Several days passed in which I heard no news from Teruko's father or from Katsu yet. I hoped the best for Teruko and Satoru over those few days before I finally heard word of something. I received a letter from Teruko's father and from Katsu both on the same day. The letter from her father expressed that thus far they had not been able to find any trace of Teruko in their quiet search for her, but he still held hope that she would return home to them, or soon they would have to reveal the truth to her jilted fiancé. My nerves were running sky high as I had opened the one from Katsu, perhaps even slightly more so then when I had opened the letter from Teruko's father. I worried for her and Satoru, yet when it came to my own situation...

_Dear Rana,_

_I have received word from Lord Haruko of his daughter's running away and from Iwao as well. This news is shocking and I feel for Lord Haruko and his family. It pains me to say I should have seen this coming for I know of Teruko's lessons with your tutor Satoru. It is obvious to me whom she has run away with and I have advised Lord Haruko to this. Iwao also wrote to me upon your return of Satoru's mysterious disappearance. I know you had no hand in this and do not want you to blame yourself for it either. Teruko took advantage of your trip as an opportunity to run away. I have known her since she was a child and while I do not blame her for falling in love; this is not the way things are done in the Fire Nation. She has a duty to her family foremost. I will be home in four weeks and hope that the loss of your friend and your teacher will not make you lonesome. Perhaps it is too early to ask yet, but there is a need too. Would you like for another instructor or do you feel sufficiently educated in our ways?_

_Your Husband, _

_Katsu_

At first, I felt a wave of relief swim through me for he thought me innocent. There would be no consequences for me from him, but the arrogance of his letter irked me. The Fire Nation nobility think only of their honor and tradition, instead of what is right and what is best. How else would that explain the rigidness of their culture and the ongoing war that they all believed to be just? Another thing he had written….he had said _our ways_, not his, but _ours_. As if he thought me as one of _them_.

…._A citizen of the Fire Nation….A demon…No…not all…but never! NEVER one of them!_

I am Water Tribe!

And this child within me….would this child become one of _them?_ Unaware their Water Tribe heritage? Not on my life, I swore in that moment, my child would know their culture for someday we would return to it. _Even though they have a peaceful existence here, unlike…_

My response to Katsu was short in its response and perhaps for the first time, genuine in its honesty about my own feelings. Perhaps I meant to anger him a little, although I meant every word and this time it was not entirely meant to provoke him.

_To Katsu,_

_Usually I would not care to tell you how I feel, but I am sorry that Teruko and Satoru have both left. They were, are, two people whom I have become attached too. I do not wish for another teacher, at least not for now. The ways of your people are yours, not mine, and they never will be. I am not one of you Katsu, and while it may seem so in appearances, do not forget where I am from. _

_-Rana _

I was surprised when Katsu did not write back. In fact, he did not send one letter until his return four weeks later. Perhaps it was a wish on his part to try to punish me in some way, not that I cared if he had stopped writing me letters. There was also an impatient waiting within me to hear news from Satoru and Teruko, but I received no word from them. Often I thought of them and prayed to the Ocean and Moon Spirit without realizing it. I had realized long ago that the spirits were of no use, if they even existed that is. I missed them terribly and even Katsu's presence for I had no company at the estate, even though Akane did visit me several times until his return. Somehow I found myself drifting more often towards Ran's home with her and that of Ira, the fortuneteller. Ira never turned me away and seemed to welcome my presence every time I visited. She did not read my fortune again. Instead, we talked of her life and some of mine, not that I said much about it. I could have sworn that _she knew_. Though she never said it, there were small hints dropped here and there that always made me pause with doubt. Yet I did not think, even though it was impossible, that she was a threat. Ira was loyal to Katsu and was rather unusual to begin with.

I practiced my waterbending when I could and with each week I noticed the slight thickening of my waistline. Pregnancy was making me gain weight and rapidly now at this point. A part of me dreaded Katsu's return, I was somewhat afraid of his reaction because of the lack of letters. Before I had not feared him taking away my privileges as he would call them after his letter, but had I condemned myself by my own brutal honesty? _And part of me…..part of me had written it to hurt him…I hurt still…and I feared the future..._

I had only written the truth I told myself. I was not one of them-that would never change.

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A/N: This is more of a filler chapter to be honest and I wanted to add on more of Rana's feelings about her pregnancy, her own feelings, and also the knowledge of the Society and how it could affect any of her own children. I also couldn't resist having her see Iroh from a distance! The next chapter will cover a wider distance of time passing then I have done in this story for awhile and will lead to...duh duh duh! (dramatic music!)...the chapter ending with the birth of her child. That's all I got to say on that. Please read and review. Thanks for reading.**  
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